Throw away account because idk if he uses reddit.
I (20NB) have been friends with Dan (18M, fake name) since I was junior in high school and him a sophomore.
On Sunday I called Dan to ask if he wanted to see the fnaf movie with me on Monday, yesterday. He said ‘yes’ and that he was free all day.
Monday I texted Dan to ask if 4pm worked for him. It was about 2:20ish at this point. He said ‘no’ because he was going to do something with his friend Steff (fake name) because she got broken up with. Confused I ask if it would be just them two, he affirmed. I was upset because I don’t have much free time with college and work and I know Steff too. I told him it was disrespectful to just bail on me especially when he agreed. He stated that he ‘sorta forgot’ and that he wasn’t disrespecting my time. I repeat my stance on that being disrespectful break up or no break up. At this point I burst into tears at my mom’s job which is unfortunate but besides the point.
Now where I might be the asshole is with me not answering his calls. He called me on phone and Instagram multiple times each. Ignored the calls because I’m not good at puting my thoughts into words because English isn’t my first language and I’m autistic and struggle with self regulation. My sister felt bad for me so we went to the mall together to cheer me up. I’m feeling a little better and then Dan sees me. He was with Steff but only Dan came up to me. He told me that he was had been calling me and I told him I was ignoring him. He asked me why (wtf) so I told him he was being a dick (very immature of me I know). He got defensive and called me a dick. After that he kept following around the shop I was in for like 10 minutes trying to joke around until he finally left.
Once I got home I texted him saying I would talk about it tomorrow, he didn’t open my text. I texted him a long text on why I was upset, why I ignored his texts, and also apologized for being immature. He’s been active on Instagram but hasn’t opened my message.
Please be honest, AITA?
YTA
Plans change. Yeah, Steff’s breakup wasn’t important *to you*, but it was to them and he was being a good, supportive friend. You had a *want* not a need.
You need to work with someone, possibly a therapist, at handling plans changing. I’m AuDHD, so I get it, but people’s lives *do not revolve around you*. It is up to you to manage your feelings.
In a perfect world he would have remembered to let you know, but you had no solid plans and when you asked about a time he was up front with you.
Honestly, it sounds like you’re both being pretty immature. Dan is probably much more interested in being with the recently single Steff than going and seeing a movie. It’s rude, but definitely a thing guys do at that age. Instead of rolling with it, you made it a point to tell him twice that he was being disrespectful. Then you run into each other and start name calling and following around.
ESH
yta. it sucks when plans change, but if i’m reading it right, you also texted him only an hour and 20 minutes before the movie was going to start. if i were dan, i’d assume plans were canceled by the time it hit 12pm and nothing was set. if you were that upset and needed time, you could’ve just let him know that you’d text him later to avoid this.
YTA
a friend in need of support trumps a fnaf movie
Honestly… YTA because your reaction was way overblown.
To be fair, Dan could’ve checked in with you, but it seemed like yall never made concrete plans since you both didn’t pick a movie time till like, an hour before the supposed movie? If you wanted to make plans, make the plans and set a time. You left Dan hanging on whether you would do something or not.
Dan was hanging with his friend Stef because she was upset and he was being a good friend to her, and he did let her you know he wouldn’t be free.
But crying over this and ignoring all his contact attempts afterwards, especially when he was trying to make amends, is ridiculous on your part.
Also no, he wasn’t being a d*ck, and telling him that is very poor behaviour on your part.
YTA.
You didn’t have set plans. Set plans involve a time and a place. You “maybe this will happen” plans. Something came up and those plans didn’t happen. That is life. Responding the way you did is an absolute over reaction.