A couple weeks ago i was admitted to the hospital and got some bad news from another one of my friends, ‘E’, over snap. She informed me of how my friend ‘A’ had been bringing my ex to the hangouts while i was away. I, of course, was very angry because not only had ‘A’ betrayed my trust but also lied to me about it when i asked. (Jsyk i had been told by 2 friends that ‘A’ had been doing this)
Before i continue with what happened i need to give you some context on why i, and my actual friends, hate this ex. While nearing the end of the summer holidays my ex had broken up with me over text very angrily. She called me bipolar because i go quiet sometimes (I am autistic) and then continued to belittle me. I explained through a kind of vent on why i do this and that i cannot help it. She proceeded to say that she’d never leave and would always be there to talk and that we should just stay as friends.
A week after back at school i saw that all my friends had abandonded me.
Later i found out through others that she had been spreading lies and rumours about me saying that i did some heinous things that i dont even want to type because it makes me rather uncomfortable not only this but she did many other horrible things to me but i’ll be here all day if i had to list them all.
Fast forward a few weeks all her friends (my old friends) had left her for various reasons realising what a bad person she is, and now she was alone.
So back to the main point, i come back to school after a very stressfull few weeks of hospital and a severe depressive episode to hear ‘A’ guilt tripping me to be friends and hangout with my ex again because my ex said "things got a bit messy near the end (of our relationship)," even though she was the one that materialised a problem out of thin air. I then told ‘A’ to "eat shit and die" because like hell am i going to forgive someone for shit like that even if she gave me a proper apology.
I was then met with an array of insults and that i was a "horrible, closed minded, unthoughtful piece of shit" and that i need to be more considerate because apparently at the time my ex was "having a hard time with her mental health". ‘A’ even went forth defending and trying to justify my ex lying about shit about me to a bunch of people. ‘A’ literally said "Yeah yeah i know that never happened but she was in a bad headspace so you cant blame her for maybe telling a bit of a fib about (im not gonna write) because youre a dick for telling me to die over something so small, if anything its you who should die you disgusting pig"
After, she stormed off and now so many people are giving me dirty looks.
Now im wondering maybe i shouldnt have said that but she shouldnt have either but im really confused because now im being treated like an asshole and i dont know if im being unreasonable and if i should just suck it up and forgive my ex, so AITA.
Edit: when i said to die i didnt actually mean it like that and more in a ‘fuck off’ way. Also as a friendgroup we have said this many times before in a not serious way and because we all have said this in joking ways before she definitely shouldve understanded that it wasnt actually telling her to die also i dont know where you guys are from but in britain statements like "eat shit and die" arent ususlly taken as serious as it would be in other places in the world. im not defending myself here but i just thought that this should be known as some of you are taking the die part too serious.
Do NOT forgive your ex! It was her fault. But, yes, telling someone to die is pretty bad. I would have talked to A in private, so nobody else heard the conco, imo. NTA
ESH. You overreacted, It happens. Just apologize for overreacting and move on. A, for not having your back, and your ex for obvious reasons.
ESH. You used a lot of words to describe an unhealthy and toxic friend group and situation at school. If A is this terrible, cut them off.
I really hope the people in this story are teenagers.
I mean sorry that happends to you cause icing someone out for what an ex did to you is absolutely horrible to be on receiving end. Just some advice : dont tell people to die. Thats just not right for anybody to do , just too controversial. Not to say you can’t tell someone to back off. Just don’t tell people to die.
ESH. Telling someone to die is never okay. It’s completely reasonable that you don’t want to forgive your ex and your “friend” is overstepping but come on you massively overreacted
NTA. Forgiveness aside, why would you want to be around your ex ever again? She’s extremely unsupportive and said terrible things about you both to you and to your friends. You can’t trust when she’ll be “in a bad headspace” again or what she might do. (Plenty of people have bad headspaces and very stressful lives, and yet still do not spread horrible stories about others and try to destroy all their friendships.)
And now A wants to push your ex back into the group and on you, and is minimizing the horrible things your ex tried to do. Nope. Stand your ground and keep to those you can trust. It’s not closed minded to do that. Lay off with the retaliatory invective, though.
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Well said. Boundaries can be So Difficult for others. 🙄 Yah, their fucking problem Your purdy boundary to hold.
Ugh. Some people suck. Others can go blow.
ESH.
You’re trying to make this a cultural thing but like, you said it to her in Anger, man. There’s a difference between an obvious joke and what you did.
They all suck for obvious reasons.
ESH.
Your ex obviously sucks, spreading rumours about people is awful.
Your friend also sucks for trying to force you to hang around that same ex. I don’t know why they’d want to forgive someone who did that to you if they’re your friend, but if they’re going to do that, the least they can do is not force you to be apart of it.
But you fucked up telling someone to die. That’s not okay, ever. I understand you may use that phrase as a joke, but you aren’t joking when you’re saying something to someone in anger. The context matters, and saying it while you’re upset and trying to get her to stop makes it seem like you were serious when saying it. Personally I’d probably apologize because that’s not something you want your friend to believe you mean, but then I’d also probably just stop hanging out with them entirely. Do you really want a friend who is okay with people that treat you like trash?