So I (29F) have been talking to this guy (32M) consistently for about a month or a little over a month. We actually met in high school and used to talk on the phone a lot back then, but nothing ever came from it. Over the years we would randomly run into each other, but again it never went anywhere until recently when we started talking again. So there was some familiarity there. He wasn’t a complete stranger.
He works on the road as an electrician and had just gone out of town for work. During the time we were talking he started moving pretty fast emotionally. He told me he loved me and said I was already acting like his girlfriend. That honestly turned me off a little because it felt too soon, but I still told him I liked him and that I thought the connection could grow. I just kept trying to pace things and not rush into anything.
A few days ago he asked me something like, “If I ever needed something, could I come to you?” He framed it more like small things while he’s on the road, like hygiene stuff or soap while he’s working out of town. I told him of course. I’m generally a giving person, so I sent him $40 just to help out even though he didn’t directly ask me for money. When I sent it, I also asked if that was enough or if he needed more and he said he was fine.
A couple days later he messaged me saying he needed $60 to make it home. I told him I honestly didn’t feel comfortable sending more money right now. We’ve only been consistently talking for about a month and I didn’t want to start doing too much too soon.
After I said that, he sent the $40 back and then blocked my number.
Now I’m sitting here wondering if I did something wrong by saying no, even though I felt like it was a reasonable boundary this early.
AITA for not sending the $60?
**Update:**
**He did say he would pay me back once he got his first check from working out of town. My issue wasn’t really about getting paid back though. I’ve been working on having better boundaries because I tend to over-give, so when he asked for more money my instinct was just that I wasn’t comfortable doing that so early. I had already sent him $40 and even asked if he needed more at the time, and he said he was fine.**
sounds like he was trying to cash in on the emotional bond way too fast. you definitely dodged a bullet there.
sounds like he was looking for a sugar mama instead of a girlfriend. good call on the boundaries.
NTA!! You followed your gut, and it’s for the best. He sounds manipulative. Also, electricians can generally afford basic necessities, so I feel like calling him a liar also.
NTA – electricians get decent pay, so if he’s living hand-to-mouth that’s not a great sign, and if he’s leaning on your for multiple loans at this point in your relationship that’s an enormous red flag.
I honestly agree. That’s pretty much what bothered me and made me say no. He’s an electrician, so I was confused about why he was in a position where he needed to borrow money like that. When he first asked if he could come to me for things while he’s on the road, I even asked him if he was testing me and he denied it. But when I said no to the $60, he immediately sent the $40 back, which made me feel like he had other options to begin with. At that point I felt like he’s a grown man and should be able to figure it out, especially this early when we’re still just getting to know each other.
He could have a weird drug or gambling addiction or something he is funding, or maybe he is a spendaholic. Who knows, but that’s not your problem.
Don’t be fooled because he sent you the original money back. He’s manipulating you into thinking he’s a good guy and he wants to make you feel guilty.
And HE blocked YOU. He can easily give it a little while to let your guilt fester, then contact you again.
Block him back before he does this.
Him sending the money back actually made me more upset, not less. I gave the $40 out of the kindness of my heart, so when he sent it back right after I said no to the $60 it felt like he was trying to prove a point. At that point I just felt like the situation had turned weird and unnecessary, so I blocked him and moved on.
Sounds like he was just using you for money.
It was a test.
First get a smallish amount from ‘mark’ to create false trut.
Stage 2 – Ask for more.
If they say no, dump, this person will not be easily manipulated.
Great job OP you got the scammer to fire you!
NTA move on OP he is using you. Good luck!
You sound like a wonderful person, but I worry that you will be taken advantage of. The fact that he blocked you tells you all you need to know about his intentions – to take advantage of you. You did the right thing by not sending him any more money. Him telling you he loves you etc. is also worrying.
NTA.
He’s 32. He’s grown. If he’s at it after four weeks he’s gunna rinse you dry girl. Especially if he sent back your money then blocked you. You’re better off x
NTA. ‘I love you. What favours are you now willing to do for me?’.