20M currently taking a pretty demanding proof-based math course at a university.
Before the semester started, a friend of mine and I agreed to enroll in a class together. We initially planned that we’d both attend class, take notes, and share them so we could help each other along.
But after the semester started, he began to skip most of the lectures. I attended all lectures and took detailed notes every week since the lecturer did not provide them, which took me lot of time and effort. My friend didn’t really contribute any notes since he weren’t there. He even claimed that he didn’t need to attend class because he can just get help from me if needed.
Now that exams are coming up, he asked me to send all of my notes for the course. I said I wasn’t comfortable doing that, because our agreement was based on mutual effort, not me covering the entire course alone, and I feel it would be unfair since he didn’t really put much effort into it. I offered to help explain topics or study together instead. I also said I’m fine with sharing part of it but not the entirety.
He’s being upset now and told some of our mutual friends that I’m being petty for not sending my own notes to him, putting me in a very difficult and awkward situation.
AITA for refusing to share my notes?
EDIT: It is not like he has a valid reason to skip the classes. I frequently saw him just partying around and posting on social media while during lecture time
It sounds like he planned on taking advantage of you from the start. NTA
NTA
Guy didn’t put the effort in. He needed somebody but himself to blame, that’s all.
Even after offering the olive branch of study together he still declined.
I’d just sit back with my popcorn and watch the aftermath after he chose to FAFO.
NTA he planned that. Your work was his backup. FAFO.
It wasn’t the backup, it was Plan A!
NTA. If anyone says anything tell them they are free to give the friend their notes. “But I wasn’t in that class!” Yeah, neither was the friend.
NTA
You could always go petty and just send the front pages of your notes and not the backs, or every other page, or something like that. Scan and email them or take pictures and text them, but keep the originals because you need them for yourself.
NTA and stick to your guns. I was very much like you in school – an excellent note taker and always went to classes. People will absolutely try to take advantage of you for being a good student and them being lazy. If you let it happen once, it’ll happen again. Trust me, I’ve gone through this exact same thing myself. This will set the precedent for how he and other friends and students treat you.
You’re not in the wrong. You agreed to \*both\* attend class. It would be one thing if he missed a lecture then and there, but skipping most is a major red flag.
NTA. Offer to share notes in exchange for his. Each day he provides notes for, give him copies for the sake lecture so you can both compare your notes and make sure they’re right. If he doesn’t have his own notes to share with you then I wouldn’t give him yours either
NTA. Tell him as soon as he sends his half of the notes so you can cross compare then you will send yours. Not before.
Hes using you. Tell your friend group, he didnt attend class and is relying on you and your work to pass. You arent enabling this behavior and if anyone has any concerns with it, theyre welcome to move on to. You’re happy to work together but you wont do all the work alone and real friends wouldnt ask.
He’s not a good friend. He sounds entitled to your work and also won’t take accountability for his actions and how they would affect him.
Nah, NTA. You should tell him OK, we did agree to share notes. Send me what you have and I’ll send you back the equivalent amount.
Are you letting a good friend down by not sharing notes? Absolutely….but it doesn’t sound like this guy is a good friend so he doesnt deserve your grace.
NTA
But he is. Stand firm. Your “friend” needs to learn consequences to actions. And his action of not holding up his end of the bargain (taking notes along with you) means the consequence is he doesn’t get to take all your notes.
Plus your alternative solution was more than fair but he refuses it because he wants an easy way out this.
**Spoiler alert for him- life isn’t fair and he needs to wake the fuck up and grow up**