this is a short one.
basically i went to pick a prescription and the pharmacist almost immediately asked me if i was my dad’s kid (i don’t think we’ve met before, me and my dad just really look alike) and so of course i was like yeah and then she asked a bunch of questions about what he was up to these days and talked about how they used to be friends in high school.
for some reason i just made stuff up instead of being like well actually he died a few years ago because 1) i was truly the sickest i’ve ever been in my life at the time (strep and mono 👎) and 2) me and my dad had a really complicated relationship so the whole sorry for your loss ritual doesn’t feel fitting and it was like 8 am so just overall i was in a weird mood and i didn’t want to deal that. and so she was like tell him (her name) says hi and i was like i will and i assumed that would be the end of that.
but then today i see that she has message requested me on facebook basically saying that i really ruined her day by lying because she went to find him to reach out and found out he was dead and how i should never do that to anyone again because it was cruel.
which like i do feel bad and she’s maybe right but also i’ve never heard about or met this lady in my whole life so clearly they weren’t all that close 😭😭 so i think for her to say i ruined her day was a little dramatic. i don’t know.
tl;dr a high school friend of my dead dad told me to say to him for her and i said i would. she later dmed me on facebook saying me lying about doing that ruined her day. aita? should i apologize?
YTA.
Seriously. Why would you do that?
“I dont want to talk about him”
Rather than lying. Because lying is always the asshole move.
Soft YTA. You should have been honest with her, even if you didn’t see much point to the ‘sorry for your loss’ stuff. It’s not your fault that she decided to reach out to him so long after the fact.
Yta for making shit up and lying to someone who actively knew him, that was pretty low.
NAH. It was a hard moment for you and it’s reasonable that making up a story rather than opening up with such personal life details to a perfect stranger felt like the best course of action at the time. I don’t think she’s TA either for being hurt and confused by the exchange, though reaching out to berate you seems a bit over the top.
Maybe a simple response like, “I’m sorry I lied to you. Your cheerful questions blindsided me when I was sick and suddenly confronted with painful memories. I’m glad you and my dad were friends and that you have fond memories of him.”
Then don’t give it another thought.
YTA I get that you weren’t at your best, but a simply “Unfortunately he passed away” followed by “thanks” when they say they’re sorry for your loss is all you needed to do. Making stuff up about him like he’s still alive, to someone he was friends with, is really odd.
That said I don’t think she should have scolded you about it, I would have just been weirded out and hope to never see you around.
ESH – it’s weird that you lied. You could have just said “thanks for the sympathy. I’m in a hurry, can I please have my RX” and be on your way.
But, she should not have messaged you like that. Weird.
It is more than just weird. It was insanely unprofessional and also a HIPAA violation. People love to throw that term around without actually understanding what it means, but let me be clear- contacting a patient for a personal reason is absolutely a violation. Also as a healthcare provider, it is very unprofessional and in poor taste to initiate a conversation about a personal relationship with a relative of the patient. If OP reports this to the pharmacist’s employer (I hope they do) there is a good chance she will lose her job.
ESH, but her way more than you and you only very mildly
I see why you chose to lie your way through the conversation and that completely makes sense, even if that was a tiny bit asshole-ish of you. With the benefit of hindsight, I’m sure you see that just saying, ‘I’m really not feeling well and would rather just get my meds and go home to rest’ would have been better. But of course it played out differently and the specific lies you told about your dad, while perfectly understandable, were still not great.
But what she did was a lot worse. Her roping you into the conversation was not great, especially with all the questions, though not necessarily in asshole territory. But to then reach out to you over it via Facebook and berate you? That’s not just her being an asshole, that’s her breaching ethical boundaries, given she only knows you through a professional capacity.
In the end, I wouldn’t sweat it all that much. If you aren’t sick anymore and you want to go smooth things out because it’s eating at *you*, then do so. But you don’t owe her anything more!
I”d reply with “I was accessing your services in a professional capacity, it was not appropriate for us to be discussing my private life at a time I was so sick and in such a public setting. I do not owe you any explanation, please do not contact me again, as it is not appropriate that you do so after learning my name in the course of your duties as a pharmacist.”
NTA She was completely out of line to contact you like that. Even if she did by some chance know your name before, she obviously only thought of your dad due to seeing you. To then try to reestablish contact, and then message you, was a direct result of you being a client. What if he hadnt past, and she contacted him, how was she going to explain what prompted that, “oh I ran into your kid when they came in to pick up [insert name of meds, what if theyd been something he disagreed with you taking, or for some embarrassing condition]” or even just saying youd been in is a violation of your privacy. Unless shes the only pharmacist in town Id never go back…and possibly consider complaining to the pharmacy owner about her actions.
YTA. “He passed away and I really am not up to talking about it. Thanks for understanding.”
Message her back and pretend you didnt know he died
Holy shit… That’s diabolical lmao
Perhaps, but centering yourself in a random person’s loss of a family member *when you weren’t even that good of friends with them* [or at least not close enough to be connected on social media already, or in the loop to know that he died literal years ago] is also pretty diabolical.
Like, if I was in her shoes id probably think, “aw damn, thats sad. Poor kid probably didnt feel comfortable talking about it with a total stranger tho, I hope hes ok.” Not “How DARE, i will chew him out for tricking me!”
NTA. Report the pharmacist for tracking down her patients thru social media and messaging them. It’s really weird that she is asking about your relatives while you are picking up medication.
Imagine if you were getting medication you didn’t want your parents to know about. Pharmacist thinks of your parent and looks them up saying i saw your kid picking up xxx and thought of you. What a creep.