I (M30) and my girlfriend (27F) have been together for the last 5 years or so (plan on moving in together around June 2026). I travel for work about 30% of the time and on a recent trip, I went to a conference all day and had happy hour event in the evening to network with customers / prospects.
Im a solutions engineer for a cyber security company and part of my work includes building relationships with customers / prospects since in sales, people buy from people they like (networking goes a long way in sales).
I was texting my girlfriend every 1-2 hours during the conference (7am – 5pm) when time permits. For happy hour event after the conference (5pm – 9pm), it’s a networking event so I don’t like being on my phone constantly texting since I feel like it’s rude to text as I’m in convos with people I’ve never met who have the influence to purchase new solutions (software the company I work for sells).
I texted my girlfriend letting her know happy hour is begining and she said "Have fun and send me pics when you can"… So I had fun and send pics about once an hour while I’m at the event and pics of the food I ate.
At the end of the day, I call my girlfriend to check in before going to bed and she’s upset because "I was busy all day and did not have time to text" and I should let her know when I’m free to text since my "schedule is so busy and does not include time to text her".
AITA for not texting back consistently and only sending pics? Not the first time this type of scenario comes up… I’m an active reader but first time posting.
NTA. You kept her updated and called at night. Networking isn’t texting time expecting constant messages while you’re working isn’t fair.
NTA. You were working and still found time to text throughout the day and evening. Actually, if I had observed you repeatedly on your phone, I probably wouldn’t buy from you because you were at a work event which required your courteous attention as a matter of respect for others present. In my view, to do otherwise would raise questions for me about your work ethic and professionalism.
NTA. You were at a work event. It also sounds like you were in consistent, if not constant, communication, and you called when you were free. I’m not sure what she expected.
Your girlfriend needs to grow up. In my opinion you are already texting a ton, especially at a work conference. People who are secure in their relationship (imo) should only need a little good morning convo, a how’s your day in the middle, and like a good night call and a few photos from the events during the day. Like she should understand that youre busy and that it’s normal to not be constantly texting you partner
You travel for work 30% of the time, and you’ve been with your GF 5 years, and you have to text her every 1-2 hours while on the road or it’s a fight? That is nuts. Oh wait, correction: you have to text her *more often than* every 1-2 hours because texting at that frequency causes a fight (and also sending a pic does not count as communicating apparently). This is just massive looney tunes, NTA.
I’m in a different state this entire week… Conference was all week long and today was an especially long day due to the happy hour event. While I’m at the conference I’ll text when I can but for the networking event, I don’t like being on my phone.
Thanks for feedback. I wanted other opinions to understand if I was on the wrong side of the ile. Love her tons but when stuff like this happens it makes me wonder if I’m the asshole for “prioritizing work over her”
I’m guessing she has other attributes that you think make this relationship worthwhile, BUT:
**There is** ***no way in hell*** **I would be in a relationship with someone this needy, insecure, and demanding.**
You seem to think this is a normal expectation in a relationship. It is not.
Is this **really** what you want for yourself for the rest of your life? Having to *constantly* interrupt whatever you’re doing and babysit her? Every day, all day long, 27/7/365 for years??? And just wait until she decides you’re cheating on her. Nothing you can say or do will put a stop to her insecurities and paranoia.
I mean, you do you — but you should seriously consider seeing if you can get her to go to a therapist, or break up. Because you are looking at one very long, very miserable life if you stay with her.
Thanks for the feedback. Lots to think about but 100% I don’t want this to be the future. You have a good point that I think this is normal but based on comments, definitely sounds like there’s some fundamental trust issues & me trying to accommodate doesn’t seem to make the situation any better. She’s been cheated on before so I think that has something to do with it but I need to draw the line because this has come up too many times and it’s not what I want my future to be.
By your use of quotes I’m assuming this is another thing she says. And the answer for that one, since the discussion here seems to be about what takes place *during work hours* is, “yes of course I prioritize work when I am at work.”
Additional perspective for you: I’m married, I travel for work too, and I have a job which can sometimes be calm to the point of boring, while other times it ranges from busy to crazy insane busy. So on a given day we might talk/text a good amount (although honestly we rarely reach the levels your GF seems to expect), but other days there is little to no communication at all. And on the latter type of day, I get no crap whatsoever from my wife. I get, “sorry you had a tough day, I’ll talk to you when you can.” Which maybe she’s unusually sensible and understanding, but I think she’s way closer to appropriate/correct on this than your GF is.
Glad to hear your wife is supportive. If my GF was that supportive, I’d probably be engaged with her a year ago. This topic comes up every now and then (primarily when I travel) and it’s made me hesitant to move to the next step.. hence me wanting to live with my GF first and see if anything changes. Maybe I’m too optimistic she will change and I keep pushing the can down the road…
🙁
You are pushing the can down the road. I don’t think moving in, and definitely not marriage, should be on the table at this point.
NTA, even if you two move in together, she’s not going to change until she gets therapy. This is a “her” issue not a “you” issue. She will think this way about every romantic partner until she gets therapy that is successful. Good luck.
My partner is in your situation, has travelled a lot over the years, at one point maybe once a month or every second month. And they’ve attended a lot conferences and expos.
I only expect a text once a day if that. And they go out to dinner with collogues and customers, so the days are long.
Both of us use Google Photos and have access to each other’s photos. So, whenever my partner has access to free WiFi, they’re photos automatically upload, so they don’t have to worry about texting me photos and I get to see the lot. 99% of the photos are work related and of computers, spare parts, cabling, people I don’t know, people standing on stage with a microphone and a screen in the background. But the photos I do see and enjoy are the hotel room ones, the food and selfies. Could you share your Google Photos with your partner?
I skipped your ages somehow when reading through, and I was so confused as far as the story goes because her reaction to not getting constant texts throughout the day reads as if you’re teenagers.
NTA. Ignoring the context, effectively demanding to get a text every 1-2 hours is completely absurd, especially so when you’re busy at a work event.
This sounds like either controlling behavior or she’s heavily insecure, or both. In either case that’s something she needs to work on – personally this type of behavior would lead to an ultimatum from me (either stop or we’re through).
Best of luck.