So I ( F 25 ) have this best friend I’ve known since 8th grade. We spent many, many years doing everything together with no boyfriends at the same time which I loved. Even when she had a boyfriend at the time, she still made it a point to separate herself from him and spend quality time with me. She recently got into a new relationship and has brought him to every single hangout whether that’s in the day time or a night out. It was fun at first but it soon felt a little excessive. I said something to her about it because while I think he’s a nice guy and it’s absolutely nothing to do with him, I miss having my personal time with my friend. She then accused me of not being accepting of her relationship and that we had many years to spend together prior.
AITA?
NTA – Makes perfect sense
NTA at all. Male here. I make a point of being on good terms with my partner’s friends AND of making sure they get plenty of time together without me around. Even if invited to tag along, I often decline so that they can do their thing. It’s unfortunate your friend’s bf lacks that tact and of course much worse that your friend no longer values one-on-one time with you. Sounds as if you’ve lost her to him, at least while he lasts. If you want to actively resist, invite her to some female-only outings: how about lunch and a pedicure? Or lunch with you at your place, where I assume she wouldn’t feel free to bring along an univited plus-one, or where you could gently make it clear that it’s just you two. If she can’t manage that, she’s a lost cause.
i understand your situation and have been through smilar ones. I guess the most healthy thing to do would be to take some space and if she notices then have a heart to heart conversation with your best friend explaining her that you are indeed happy for her and like her boyfriend and all but you just miss “her”. Also, since you said it’s a new relationship give her some time as well, she might be less clingy with her partner. I know this phase sucks, try to be patient,take some space and communicate. hope the situation gets better for you.
NTA and I’d bet good money he’s pushing her to bring him along.
You’ve asked and been told she wants to include her new boyfriend. You are NTA for asking but now that you have the response you need to work with it. Your friend has clearly conveyed that her priority is spending time with her partner even if that harms this friendship. That’s her choice and you need to either be okay with it or find other people to hang out with. In time she may desire his constant presence less but that’s not guaranteed. I’m positive I have a few friends from uni that I have barely seen without their other half in probably 20 years, I adapted and just started bringing my hubby along and they became our couple friends.
Friendships change as you get older. If you don’t want to hang out with your friend as a couple just don’t go to the hangouts or reduced how often you see each other. In time she may want more space and you may get more solo time or she might marry this guy and then between married life, work and kids you may find you only see her once every 3 months and with the whole family in tow. Ive seen it go both ways. The important thing I’d you are NTA for asking but you now have an answer and regardless of whether you think this coupliness is something you would want personally it’s her choice, she can priorities according to her prioritizes and you should do the same.
NTA- he categorically doesn’t not need to come along to every single get together , am surprised the new Bf doesn’t find this intrusive
NTA.
I suggest a quick convo with your friend basically outlining that you like her bf but feel like the lack of girls only time is hurting the friendship and would like some one on one time with her every so often.
I’m assuming she’ll push back, which at that point you can say you’ve made a reasonable request and if she thinks spending time alone with you without her bf is a problem then maybe you need to pull back from her.
Let her know that she is coming off as A) super insecure to be without her bf B) the gf of a very controlling bf who won’t let her out alone or C) a bad friend who can’t take anyone else’s perspective in.
NTA but she’s NTA either if she chooses him over you.
NTA for wanting the 1:1 time. She is NTA for wanting to include her BF in everything she does. Friendships change over time, that’s life. I am wondering out loud why she had such a visceral reaction. Maybe she took offense wrongly or maybe you were offensive in the way you conveyed your thoughts. Maybe her BF is controlling and won’t let her go anywhere without him, which could explain the reaction.
NTA – but as you can now see there are two different realities. You’ve (I assume) directly told her you’d like one-on-one time to do “girl things” (meaning no bf’s) and she still resists? If so, then she’s changed the dynamics of your relationship and she either doesn’t really understand your request or she’s changing the rules because “times change”. If it’s the latter then you either continue to invite both or you don’t have a relationship with this person anymore.
Ugh this sucks and I’ve totally been there. You’re definitely NTA, and it sounds like she’s in an infatuation phase or he’s weirdly clingy or something. My sister had a boyfriend this summer and spent every waking hour either with him or texting him. We had been best friends before this, but I decided to maximize on the experience instead of just feeling bad about it, and I started getting closer to other friends and actually ended up becoming super good friends with one of my childhood friends who had recently moved back to the area. Nobody likes to feel like a third wheel, so when my sister would bring her barnacle boyfriend with her when we hung out, I would invite a few other friends along so that it had more of a friend group feeling instead of a third wheel feeling. He dumped her at the end of the summer, but I still have the closer friendships I poured into over the time they were together, so make the most of this time! You just might make some pretty awesome friendships! 🙂
I’d invite her to do things girls do. Manicure/Pedicure, shopping for makeup or lingerie. That type of outing. I’m sure he’d be a no show for that.