Honestly to just to summarize, my mom will buy me stuff just to be “nice” and later turn it on me to get her more expensive stuff because I have to.
She’s just weird about it cause some days she’ll go out of her way to get me whatever even though I never asked for it, and other days where she needs gas for her car (which i don’t drive btw, my bother does mostly) and other stuff because she’s in the negatives. Mind you I’m a server and make significantly less than her. She makes thousands more than me. I’m kinda scraping by and luckily don’t have to pay house bills (VERY GRATEFUL BTW).
She also has this weird habit of asking me to send her money but only during certain times and with no indication of how much. There will be times she’ll ask me to buy her dinner but tell me to wait until “she gets where she is” and tell me the total after. I don’t like that because she just can’t be direct with how much she needs 😭 I’ve opted to saying “I’ll send you ___ much” and she’ll be annoyed about it. I haven’t asked her to buy me anything in months, I literally take care of myself and If i had a much better paying job i could honestly take care of my own bills.
It’s just frustrating cause our brother is at home and she barely treats him like this. He’s not an issue at all but she expects more out of me than him. I pretty much just want to get to the point where i do feel comfortable helping out my mom, because i don’t right now. She knows i’m trying to move out and doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that im saving what i can. We’re moving to a new city and she’s happy to have me move with her, but for the sake of my mental id rather just leave and go where im going immediately. I think time apart form each other will help us mend our relationship because money is tearing us apart. I look like a bitch for not wanting to help sometimes but it’s simply annoying! I don’t know how she never has money and i barely make enough tips at work! she’s a great mom but her behavior is becoming overbearing.
EDIT:
I also make sure, when i leave our house, to turn off anything using power. I wash my clothes at a laundromat and try not to leave any huge messes behind. I’ve also slowly packed up some things and gotten rid of stuff to donate (which she highly appreciates and I wanted to so moving out for her was easier.) I definitely don’t want to make any of the bills more of a burden so I do make sure to look at what I’m doing around the house.
NTA but you need to move out.
NTA. You seem to feel obliged to contribute financially but don’t like the way she arranges it—so arrange it differently. For instance, figure out how much you ought to be giving her and just give her that set amount, then stop. No gas money, no dinners, nothing ad hoc. Of course, what I really hope is that when you look at her income and yours, you’ll realize you shouldn’t feel obliged to support her at all. Sounds like financial abuse to me.
NTA this is what I would suggest as well. This will allow OP to budget how much will be going out every month, and allow the mother to have some guaranteed financial help, but not be randomly asking for money and taking advantage.
NTA. Neither a borrower nor a lender be. You need to start refusing any “gifts” from her and say exactly why. “Mom your so-called gifts have strings attached so I’m going to decline.”. If you pay rent/some of the bills tell her you’re not available to give any other money. If you don’t set a fair amount. Then give nothing else. Sounds like it’s time to move out asap.