I am 20 years old living with my parents and currently don’t have a job. The subject of the post has been a point of contention basically almost my entire life but it has been driving me crazy recently. I have a lot of free time so i do all the cooking for the family, no problem there. But my dad refuses to get the food for himself. Like put it on a plate and get the utensils and bring it to the other room. (For context, we don’t have a dining table, i usually eat on the kitchen counter and parents eat in the living room). It’s even worse with leftovers because he always complains that i didn’t microwave it for the right amount of time, but when i say he should do it himself because (i gentuanly don’t know what’s the "right amount of time") he avoids the conversation. Whenver he wants anything he shouts for me to bring it to him. "Make me tea, bring me an apple, bring me water, etc" it drives me crazy because it makes feel like some kind of servant. He NEVER gets anything for himself unless someone else brings it. It became even worse larely because now he wants me to pack his lunches for work. And the way he does it makes me so angry because "Do you know what i can bring to work tomorrow?" means "Cook and pack a lunch for me". And if i didn’t pack him lunch he’ll just not eat anything at work and come home angry. Same with everything it’s not just "make me tea", it’s "put the kettle on". And whenever i refuse to do what he asks, because he’s a grown ass man and neither me nor my mom have difficulties heating up a plate of food if we want to eat, he says that he’s tired from work and that i don’t work and didn’t do anything all day, so i have no place to complain. I feel guilty afterwards because he is right, im not really doing anything, but i just hate being a servant, i feel like just cooking should be enough.
So AITA?
Get a job ASAP & start saving so eventually you can have your own place. Also if you are off working you won’t be there for your dad to boss you around. Currently you are saving on rent, but at what price?
I get where you are coming from and it’s annoying but you’re not going to get him to change. Since you don’t have a job, I assume that your dad is supporting you. I understand it’s irritating but imo the only option at this point is to get a job and move out.
NTA
This taken-for-granted scenario seems scarily close to home. If you don’t mind me asking, what ethnic origin are you?
Only because I can relate, you’re NTA and I feel for you OP.
Eastern European lol
NTA
He is probably mad at you for not having a job/ trying for you to get a job indirectly.
He is passive aggressive and that is stupid and rude.
Start looking for a job, then move out as soon as you can.
As others have said, he is not going to change.
This is how I grew up. I was the oldest daughter in a Latino family.
NTA
This is how both sets of my grandparents operated. My parents didn’t keep that tradition, and it caused issues, but they didn’t back down.
You’re kind of stuck at the moment, but you do have the option to get out of there, once you get a job.
Once you’re out, I’d recommend living on your own for long enough that you feel comfortable with your ability to take care of yourself. That way, if a relationship doesn’t work out, you won’t feel like you can’t leave.
Eh….. it’s a catch 22. If you don’t like it move out. If not then you know your dad’s dynamic and if he’s always been this way you won’t win a challenge.
While I wouldn’t like being a “servant” I would also accept my circumstance and use it as motivation to get the F out. I feel most sorry for your mother.
NTA, but why don’t you have a job? What are your plans? When are you planning on moving out on your own?
I’m gonna be looking for a job in January. But i do not plan on moving out at all, I’m gonna be living with my parents for most of my life probably, it’s more efficient that way and we get along okay. I’m hoping that he’ll bother me less once i have a job. Cooking will probably still be on me tho since my mom says she’s tired after a lifetime of cooking lol.
NTA, but seriously, get a job, a roommate, and move out. He doesn’t need to treat you like a servant. I guess when you no longer live there he’ll starve since he’s apparently incapable of making himself a sandwich or reheating something for lunch.