For some context & backstory: me (29F), my boyfriend (m33) & our 10 year old daughter & 6 month old son live with my bf’s parents. Our history is kind of complicated. We dated a bit a few years ago but in late 2024 we decided to really give it a shot this time around & try to be together. At the time we only had our daughter. Shortly after getting back together, I get pregnant. His parents let us move in with them, rent free so we can save up for our own place. When I was about 5 months pregnant, I lose my job. He loses his job a few months later so getting our own place got pushed back. We get food stamps. We’re both working again & are currently looking for a place. So before anyone says “why don’t you guys just move out” we are actively trying to.
Anyway…my bf’s mom picks up her other grandkids from school Monday-Friday. There are two 15 year old boys, an 11 year old & a 2 year old who she picks up from her other grandma’s house. She usually makes dinner pretty much everyday M-F for everyone including the kids’ parents, so that’s 6 extra people who are eating with us. When I get my food stamps, I buy snacks & drinks with the kids in mind. Big bags of chips, 40 packs of juice, cookies, fruit, etc. All I ask is that my daughter gets her fair share of everything I buy. Which doesn’t always happen. They’ll open a bag of chips & finish it in one sitting without offering my daughter any. Whatever. I know they’re hungry after school. When I buy beef or chicken, my bf’s mother will use it to make dinner. When I do make dinner when they come over, I have to buy double of what I would usually buy. We used to always have left overs for the next night before they started coming over. So before, one pound of ground beef would last two days. Now, two pounds of ground beef only last a night. I talked to my boyfriend about this & I told him that I’m stressed about food. I just started work last week, so at the time when I brought it up, we only had his income to live off of. (I try not to depend on his parents as much as I can.) He got kind of defensive & we had an argument about it but said he’d talk to his mom about it. He spoke to her in Spanish & I don’t speak Spanish so I didn’t understand everything he told her but it sounded like he went about it the wrong way because she ended up getting upset & yelling in English, so I would understand, “whatever is in the fridge is for everyone” she must have told her other son what was said because they all started treating me different after that. When my bf’s niece would ask for something in the fridge that I bought, I always yes but her dad would make a comment & say “oh she says yes but you know she doesn’t really wanna share, ha-ha” so now I feel like everyone thinks I’m a greedy asshole because I’m worried about having enough food to feed my kids every month. Am I? How should I handle this? I feel so awkward around them every time they come around & they come around 5, sometimes 6 days a week.
Edit: okay, I’m the asshole. Thanks to everyone who offered constructive criticism instead of judgement. I’m going to work on mending my relationships with the in-laws.
Sounds like you got a lot of help when you needed it but don’t want to help anyone else.
YTA
This sucks all around for you, but yes YTA. You live at their home rent free. You should expect to share food imo. Imagine if you didn’t have the help with rent. Think how much you’d be stressing about food if you didn’t have the free rent.
YTA. Is your child getting fed when you aren’t paying for all the other meals? Yes. So basically your food stamps aren’t yours alone, they are contribution to the household. The household that you can’t afford on your own. And she is cooking 5/7 days? Be more grateful.
YTA here. In the same way she took you in and is providing for you, she is taking in other members of her family. Stop buying junk food if it is going too quickly; start shopping with the whole family in mind.
You are being provided with free housing; you can contribute towards the household food bill.
Your daughter is not going hungry, and there would be much less money for her food should you need to start paying rent somewhere else.
I cannot imagine what your boyfriend’s parents are feeling right now. They have helped you a tremendous amount, but then you aren’t willing to help their other grandkids? These seem like incredibly generous people and I would be disappointed in you if I wear them. Yes… YTA.
You live there rent free. This is not a hill to die on.
Well, soft YTA. I get it. Food and money is tight. BUT if you’re living rent free then I would think you will be expected to stock the fridge. Buy less chips and snacks, get things that will fill the kids up.
Sorry but YTA you barely contribute. You’re not even the one cooking most days. Complaining about having to pay for and cool dinner once in a blue moon for the other kids when you’re literally living rent free and only buying the odd bit of groceries is just nuts
YTA
You are buying snacks… thats all, real food, house, utilities is all from grandparents. You guys are leaching as must or more than the brother inlaw family.
Get a place as soon as possible if you want to save the relationship, if not, keep your snacks in your room
And learn Spanish ffs.
YTA. She’s absolutely right: her fridge has food in it for EVERYONE, including you and your children. She is putting a roof over your head and food in your children’s bellies and you can’t share the groceries *you* buy?
If you, your boyfriend or your kids are eating ANY good paid for by anyone else then YTA. You are already getting a free place to live. If your daughter is malnourished or starving you might have to start making different types of meal/eating arrangements, so you buy something just for her and feed her separately or something.
Free rent is huge. I’m guessing you aren’t paying for utilities or many other bills. It’s not reasonable for you to be stingy about ground beef leftovers in this situation. Sounds like your boyfriend’s family values community, helping each other, and sharing. That’s why the are letting you and your kids (4 freaking people!) live there for free. You can’t take advantage of that culture and those values only when it works for you, and then refuse to participate in a culture of community and sharing when it means losing the ground beef leftovers or some potato chips.
What would happen if you run out of food at the end of the month? Would everyone starve or could you follow the same logic that whatever’s in the fridge is for everyone, including you?
And stop buying chips and juice. Switch to tap water and something with actual nutrients instead.
INFO your title says you don’t want to cook dinner but you put that she cooks dinner five nights a week. So which is it?
Leaning towards YTA regardless. You live rent free in her house. The least you can do is contribute. Also junk food like chips isn’t essential. It’s a luxury. And juice boxes are a waste. Buy large cartons and save on the convenience tax.