Resolved! I am TA and I’m sorry to my husband who is reading this. He’s gonna go and have a fun night out and he’s also gonna talk to his friend about talking poorly about me. All is great! Thank you for everyone’s responses.
\*clarification\* I do not control my husband. He dies what he wants to and it doesn’t bother me. I told him he could go and I would have no issues. I just want him to address what his friend said. But HE is on the fence about it. He wants to see everyone’s responses before.
For back story my husband works 12 hours a day 6 days a week. 4am to 430 pm and goes to bed at 8-9 pm. I barely see him as it is and I’m always alone with the kids so I like to spend as much time time as I can with him when he’s off. His friend who hasn’t been able to drink because of personal reasons can finally drink again next weekend. He asked my husband if he can come out to the bar with him and his friends but by himself. Which I don’t mind. But my husband told him no multiple times and he made him feel bad saying we have issues because we spend all our time together and if I trusted him it shouldn’t be a problem. But me and my husband do everything together and we don’t go places our significant other isn’t welcomed. And I don’t mind that they want a boys night but it’s the disrespect of basically forcing him to say yes. I don’t want him to go now because the whole situation makes me feel weird and saturdays are usually our days because he’s only off the evening of Saturday and Sunday. My husband also feels weird about it but doesn’t want to upset his friend who already made him feel bad for saying no multiple times before saying yes. Wwyd ? And am I over reacting for not wanting him to go
Wait does husband want to go out but isn’t because of you or does he not want to go and friend is blaming you for some reason?
Your husband can say no if he doesn’t want to go.
Sounds like your husband doesn’t want to go without you so there’s no issue here. He can just tell his friend that he wants you to come along.
Now I can see why his friend might want to have a boy’s night, which you can’t really do if wifey is there, but hey if your husband doesn’t want to then he doesn’t want to. If he wanted to and you were stopping him then you would be the asshole, but it doesn’t sound like that’s what is happening. I guess it might be nice for you to give permission for you to have a boy’s night, but you aren’t obligated to and it’s hard to know if he even wants that from what you’ve said.
I’m going with NTA
FYI the r/AIO subreddit feels more fitting for your problem
I don’t know who’s TA but it’s really weird to spend all your time together. You should both have independent friends, hobbies, interests. I would be horrified if my friends brought their husbands along to girl’s night.
It’s only one evening for a few hours. Your husband should be able to have some down time with his friends without you. That helps to give balance to his life. His going without you shouldn’t make you feel bad. Simply maximize the time left over that the two of you have. Now if he makes it a habit of always going out with his friends instead of spending time with you, THEN you have a problem. But for now, give your husband the space to have some fun since he works all the time.
Doesn’t sound like much of a friend really though
yes, IF he wants to go, he should and YOU should be fine with it, since it does not sound like he goes out with the guys on his own a lot. YTA
While your husband has every right to say no if he doesn’t want to go, I do have to say that you guys sound very co-dependent if you literally don’t do anything without the other. I’d examine the reason behind that.
So if your husband wants to go why doesn’t he just compromise and go to the bar for a couple of hours and then come home? Just because he’s going to a bar doesn’t mean he has to be there all night.
And no I wouldn’t take it to heart that the guys don’t want you there. Guys need their guy time just like us girls need their girl time. And I get that your time with your husband is limited, but it’s still very healthy too has some time out with friends for both of you.
That friend may be having issues he needs to talk about with just the husband… Male issues, relationship issues etc.
And while the wife never gets to see him… The friends have got to see him even less…. Which that also gets old.
I still understand the wife… But I get the friend also.
Everyone an asshole except your husband.
Dude works a shit of time, gets nagged by friends to do something into submission to do it and now he is nagged into not doing it by his wife.
His friends and family put him into position he cannot win. At this point me in his place I would like to say F to everything and have a solo day tbh.
Friend is the AH and if your husband doesn’t want to go he needs to make that clear and shut this guy down.
YTA-Forcing your way into being the one wife at an outing when some of the guys are trying to get together makes you seem really AHish, particularly since it sounds like this isn’t something they look to do often.
Sounds like if the friend wasn’t firm on wanting it to be an event with just the guys then you would either invite yourself or are now prohibiting him from going.
You really can’t give you husband a rare Saturday night with the guys and spend time with him Sunday? Codependent much?