Am I the asshole for not wanting to dog sit for my parents, who should have known better than to get dogs? Throw away account because my regular username is too identifying. Here’s some important background information. I am in my early 20’s and an only child. I am in college, and the campus is in the town where my parents live. I live 45 minutes away and try to minimize the amount of time I have to commute, and try to make all my appointments or things I need to do in town coordinate with the days I have class. I only go to the main town 3 days out of the week (M,T,Th). I am a broke college kid, and gas is expensive, the drive can be exhausting, and honestly, sometimes I just want to be in my own house and bed.
My dad works in a town several hours away, and will stay there for a few nights a week (3-4 nights), but if there is an emergency, he may need to stay for longer. He cannot take the dogs with him because he can’t properly care for them at work. My mom frequently travels out of state as a part of her job. She is often gone at least once a month for a few days at a time. She also has to take day trips to the other side of the state every so often and is gone all day. This is a problem if my mom has to travel while my dad is away at work.
Despite knowing the nature of their jobs and their frequent traveling, they got not one but two dogs about 9 months ago. To make it worse, both dogs are young and high energy. They were not trained, and so at night or when my parents aren’t home, they are in large crates. They try to keep them in there for only 6 hours at a time, so don’t worry, they are not in there for extended periods of time and have lots of time outside in the backyard. They sometimes struggle to find someone to take care of the dogs, and boarding them is expensive, so the responsibility often falls on me. Spending a night there every once in a while is fine, but since realizing that I am willing to do that, the frequency at which I am asked to house sit has increased. I understand that sometimes it’s an emergency and out of their control, and they also can’t just not go to work. But they want me to house sit for multiple days at a time a lot in the next couple months. Some of the time, it’s just the overlap of my dad at work and my mom traveling for work, but some of them are my dad just tagging along with my mom. I am not saying they aren’t allowed to go on vacations, but some of those times, my dad doesn’t have to go and is just tagging along. There are also days that my mom wants to go somewhere or do something that she will be gone for longer than 6 hours, and the dogs can’t be in the crate for that long and can’t be trusted outside. They want me to make the drive and stay at their house for the day so they don’t have to be in the crates all day. I feel bad for not wanting to do this, but they knew they were going to be gone frequently and still decided to get puppies. So ATIA for not wanting to dog/house sit?
NTA wanting boundaries is okey bro.
You did not choose those dogs and they are not so intelligent as human to knowing their schedule.Helping occasionally is kind brother,and unpaid solution is not your responsible trust me brother
NTA. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. Personally, I’d use this as a way to make extra cash as a broke college kid and chill at my parents house while doing it, I.e., say yes to dog sitting but charge them in advance. But like I said, it’s also perfectly okay to just say no.
NTA. I can understand asking you to help out once in a while, but ultimately, the dogs are their responsibility, whether it’s because of work emergencies or leisure vacations. It’s not unreasonable of you to say no.
Tips:
1. Tell them to try the Rover app. It shows local pet sitters they can hire to take care of the dogs, ranging from house sitting to taking the dogs to the sitters house to just 30 min drop ins to feed and let them run around.
2. I would ask them to cover your gas at least on days when you go over there.
People and their dogs 🙄
NTA
I’m allergic to dogs and my parents still expect to bring them when they visit. And when I say they can’t bring the dogs to my house they get all pissy about how they’ll have to interrupt our plans to take care of them. Fine just don’t come.
NTA and they should rehome the dogs
NTA. They can afford a regular dog sitter. Not your responsibility. They’re taking advantage of you.
NTA. You’re busy in college; your life is your priority. Sure, it’s nice of you to dog sit sometimes, but it’s completely unfair for your parents to rely on you every time they leave the house. They should look for alternatives.
NTA. Your parents need to find a dedicated dog/house sitter. Have them work their contacts – surely they aren’t the only ones they know who need a dogsitter on occasion.
I see two solutions if you still want to help but with boundries in place:
1. Set a limit of how many days a month you’re willing to sit for them and make them decide which days are the priority. Stay stoney that you won’t do any more days than this. They’ll then need to choose which days they need to make alternate arrangements for.
2. Point out how much time and money this is costing you as reason to start charging for your help. Make your rate competative with boarding or sitting services in the area. Insist on money up front. They may rethink whether they’d rather use an official service or find an alternative when it’s not saving them any money to have you do it.
Or you could even combine them. X amount of days free but excessive of this costs Y.
NTA
NTA.
You are not responsible for your parents’ decision to get dogs. Just as you would not be responsible if your parents were to decide to have 2 more children. And I don’t care if you live at home, children (fur or not) are the responsibility of the parents and not the siblings.
Again, as a parent. 100000% this should not be on you. They are grownups who made this decision to add ot the family without your input, and they are more than capable of dealing with the consequences.
BTW – why the EFF aren’t they hiring a regular dog-walker to come in during the day and take those puppers for a walk and a good bit of socialization? It would be the best thing for everybody. And no mercy for the ‘it’s tooooo expensiiiiiveeee’ argument from your parents. Bullshit. They both work, they both chose to get new fur babies, they both implicitly accepted the responsibility of raising those dogs.
OP, please do not let yourself feel guilty about this. Draw some firm rules and boundaries and stick to them. It’s something to learn to do now, before you teach your parents that they can just take advantage of your time.
NTA there are likely a few local dog sitters who would do a better job anyway. just search google
Definintely NTA. Tell your parents to put themselves in your shoes, if you got dogs and knew you weren’t going to be able to take care of them like a responsible dog owner should, would they spend their free time, taking care of your dogs for you? Give them like once a month where you’ll do it, but the rest of the time they either need to board the dogs, or find a pro dog sitter. There are apps to help find people to come walk your dog, feed them, whatever you need. Or, charge them for the gas and a fair overnight rate every time they want you to come dogsit. I would make it fair, maybe less than what it would cost to board the dogs, but worth your time and travel expense. They are your parents after all, but they do need to respect your boundaries as much as they would expect you to respect theirs.
Thank you all for your input, and I really appreciate it. I just want to clarify, these dogs are happy, healthy, and spoiled. Frequent car rides, afternoon walks, and in the room with my parents at night after work. When my mom isnt’t traveling and my dad is working from home the rest of the week, the dogs are usually in their offices or outside with a camera watching them. Unless they’re both not home or super busy and unable to watch them, they’re usually not in the crates. I promise these dogs don’t live in their crates; it’s just for nights and when they can’t be watched vigilantly because they can be quite destructive. The crates are much larger than them and they have water in them. My parents love these dogs and just know they can trust me to take good care of them. They have sometimes offered to pay for gas or my dinner, and I do take the bait sometimes, but there are times when I just want to relax at home, want to sleep in my own bed, or don’t want to pack up my stuff and move my gaming setup if staying for more than one night.
NTA, and it is time to sit your parents down and set some boundaries!! “I don’t mind house/dog sitting occasionally, but with how frequently you travel, I can’t be your only/main petsitter.” That’s your script. Then pick a frequency, and stick to it. “I’m willing to dogsit once a month,” (or more or less – be honest with yourself about what you are actually willing to do!)
Then, if they ask you to do more, you say “like we talked about, I can do this once a month. I already have this month, so you’ll have to make other plans.”
Good luck! It sounds like they may try to push, but you get to hold your boundaries!!