For a bit of context, I am a freshman (18F) in college, and so is she (18F), we shared a dorm together for a couple months. I barely stayed there because I was staying with my boyfriend for a while, during our early relationship.
She didn’t buy a parking pass, and eventually it got her car towed. I allowed her to borrow mine for the time being, until she gets her car back. An honest mistake she made.
She was kicked out of her friend group for being rude to her friend, on that friend’s birthday, at the birthday party. She got extremely intoxicated and her ex-boyfriend drove her back, except she drove there in my car. She picked up the car the next morning, and then almost immediately left with it to go wherever.
She started seeing a new guy, who is not exactly Prince Charming, but seemed happy with him. He started to get a big controlling.
2-ish months later I’m still dating my boyfriend, and I came back to check on the state of the dorm. It was trashed, and there was hair bleaching products left out. I don’t know how long it was out for, but I’m a pre-med student and I know enough to not have it out for a long time.
I found out she was driving my car in less than fortunate state of minds, of which she was never pulled over. I cracked down and demanded my car back before sunset, or I was going to file a missing vehicle report. I got the car back. She parked it in a non-resident spot and had me panicking for 4 days on why I was getting $40 parking citations and why it was racking up past $160. I paid for a resident spot, not a student spot and didn’t realize she parked it wrong. She also hasn’t paid me back, despite empty promises about reimbursements.
Present time is 6 months later. I made a comment under an Instagram post regarding bad friend groups, and I was referencing her directly, and she saw it. I was talking about how they kicked her out for how she acted and how she never paid anyone back. She dm’ed me about it, and it led into a huge argument that is now died down. I currently am in contact, and still friends with her old friend group, and I am currently receiving more news about how that birthday party wasn’t actually a role in them kicking her out.
The only reason I marked this for NSFW: COPD, an irreversible chronic lung disease, which can be caused by inhaling large amounts of ammonia. Ammonia is found in bleach. Not to mention lethal for anyone already has it.
Nobody has been extremely sick in the dorms, but she could have hurt or killed a lot of people besides me. I am not responding to her on anything and I’ve called her out on many other things that aren’t nearly as dangerous. Am I the a-hole for telling her that risking people’s lives to bleach hair makes her a terrible person? I feel like it would have crossed her mind, but I’m not her, so idk. I think my reaction would be normal to seeing bleach that had been out for several days to possibly weeks, which is already extremely dangerous.
If you’re really pre-med, you…really need a better science education. Ever heard the expression “The dose makes the poison”? One set of hair bleach kit simply does not contain enough ammonia to begin to harm a whole dorm full of people. This is truly hysterical, a comical level of overreaction, and honestly it’s rather disturbing to see someone going into medicine when they have such a poor grasp of biology and how environmental toxins work.
YTA for that. Nobody’s life was at risk. At the very most, if it was in a tightly enclosed space with very little air movement, it might have caused very mild mucosal irritation to the person living in that room.
It sounds like she’s a lousy friend and a user, who you’ve allowed to walk all over you, so maybe I should be saying E S H, but I just cannot with this shrieking hysteria.
the thing is, i would’ve been okay if it was maybe a couple days, but there was a tall leaning tower of pisa of bowls, almost all looked about 1/4 to 1/2 filled with bleach that had been there for almost 2 weeks when i look at the text message timelines. i also didn’t have space to mention she had the window vents closed, and the air was off. i was more just overwhelmed by the state of the dorm, but defo focused on the bleach
the only reason i disclosed i was pre-med was to emphasize that i have zero tolerance for any biohazard that could make the dorm dangerous. i didn’t know she was walking all over me until i finally got other sides to stories she had told me, which those people filled in a lot of info gaps. the only thing is, i know ammonia can spike very quickly in warm, humid places. the dorm felt like walking out of an airport in texas for the first time. i wasn’t able to provide a lot of info bc of character count, i do apologize about that.
ESH. And EIEH—everyone is exhausting here. The timeline is wild. And she had a better chance of killing people while driving while intoxicated than while bleaching her hair.
the timeline is kind of jumbled up, the character count was too short for me to include everything she did, but for further context, i managed to check my messages in between her telling me and me asking her about the bleach. It was almost two weeks, and I did communicate that I would be absent for a long period of time to spend time with my boyfriend.
ESH
Your roommate for rackitup parking tickets in your car and not paying them.
And you, for being hysterical about hair dye.
The hair dye was sealed in it’s bottle and very clean somehow, but the bleach and toner were the ones left out. The texts timelines between her telling me she was bleaching/dying and when I asked her about it was 13 days. I will say, the overall state of of the dorm looked fresh out of a abandoned building in a slasher film and smelled horrible and it was honestly very overwhelming. I did feel lightheaded when i initially walked in, which is why i suspected something in the bleach was in the air, which naturally I was thinking the ammonia in it. The character count wouldn’t let me disclose the events fully. I do like the feedback tho!
This was difficult to follow and difficult to predict where it was heading. I’m officially voting this SAFE FOR WORK
i only made it nsfw with the mention of people possibly dying, and i wasn’t able to include key details about it. they’re disclosed in other replies, and might fill in any info gaps with the post, unless there are more gaps that im not aware of, sorry in advance. the past 6 months haven’t felt predictable either, and all of it is in chronological order, and as vague as i could make it without leaving too many important details.