Meant to say ***as much** in the title.
So I have three different posts on my profile regarding what happened with my family over the past couple months. Essentially they didn’t like the guy I am dating (for the worst reasons which you can read on my profile), I’m still dating him which in turn caused my second oldest sister to uninvite me to her elopement ceremony after she had invited me for months. My family took her side and also just didn’t side with me at all on anything or validate my feelings so I put up boundaries.
Been dealing with that for a few months and it’s been going pretty well until I get a text from that same sister this morning in our sibling group chat (there are five of us) saying that me and my brother are bad communicators and she won’t be reaching out anymore because there is no mutuality.
My work schedule is crazy so I do my best to call and text my four other siblings and my parents and balance a relationship AND my friend relationships too. She said shee is realizing "who puts in the effort" with her being abroad and that she won’t keep trying to communicate with us. For me, that’s entirely false because I called her two weeks ago and we chatted and I just haven’t had time to really call her and catch up or just been really tired and she decided to put us on blast in the group message. And then said we have grown apart. Which of course? But she still doesn’t admit it was her fault and the reason we have drifted apart is because of her decision to uninvite me.
All my siblings, my sisters really, think it’s OK to talk about things within the family, like cross talking, or just brush stuff under the rug. And it’s so frustrating to the point where it’s like I want a relationship with my siblings but if this keeps happening it’s not sustainable at all.
I guess I just came on here to rant but also ask, is it normal to just call your siblings within weeks? Like of course I used to be really close with them and my job allowed for me to call every other day, but now after everything that has happened, I really don’t want to but also don’t have that much time. They think they have a right to my time before my friends or my boyfriend and my mom has even said to me. It’s the "family comes first" mentality.
Nta I think you have choices. You can try to state your case w receipts (phone logs showing you calling not her) or keep your peace. Just say noted and stop calling her. Family is tough. Figuring out how it works as grownups isn’t always like you thought it would be. Focus on you
It actually sounds like you’re doing the healthiest thing you can right now: setting boundaries and recognizing that your time and energy aren’t infinite. Calling siblings “every other day” isn’t a realistic standard for most adults with jobs, relationships, and friendships to balance. Weekly, bi‑weekly, or even monthly check‑ins are completely normal once people’s lives get busy.
What’s happening here isn’t really about communication frequency — it’s about unresolved tension from your sister’s choice to uninvite you and the family’s decision to side with her. That fracture is what created distance, not whether you called two weeks ago or two days ago. Her “who puts in the effort” comment feels less like an observation and more like a way to shift blame away from her own actions.
The “family comes first” mentality can be powerful, but it can also be weaponized to demand access to your time even when it’s not respectful or reciprocal. Family relationships should be mutual, not one‑sided obligations. You’re allowed to prioritize your partner, your friends, and your own peace without being guilt‑tripped.
So no, you’re not unreasonable. It’s normal to call siblings every few weeks, especially when life is hectic. What’s not normal is being told your effort doesn’t count because it doesn’t match someone else’s expectations. You’re allowed to redefine what “family first” means for you — and sometimes that means protecting yourself from dynamics that drain more than they give.
My brother only calls me when he’s got a dumb question or it’s after our mum has gone to bed, rest of the time he phones her.
Our running joke if we phone each other is to ask “what’s wrong” because we are texting people.
There are occasional texts or messages but we’re not in near constant contact. We both know that in an emergency we’d both pick up and be there if necessary. He has a life, I have a life, life is busy. We both work.
NTA. Time to drop the rope and emotionally step back. Your sister is being manipulative, trying to make you responsible for her feelings/actions. I guarantee she will lash out even more in anger and frustration when you give her what she claims to want, because what she *really* wants is for you to jump through hoops to make her happy. Don’t buy into it, protect your peace. Your family sounds exhausting. You should look up grey rocking, it can help you deal with attempted manipulation.
That’s the thing, exactly! Like she said we didn’t grow apart when she uninvited me and then she did and I agreed our relationship has changed but I wasn’t angry. I’m always sad whenever I think about it and sometimes I don’t want to talk to her because of how easily she did that. Like how do we have a conversation about why I’m not calling when you won’t admit what you did was wrong? That’s not how this works. My entire family is very exhausting, it’s like sometimes they create drama when there isn’t any because they’re bored I feel like.
I’ve tried grey rocking but then they’ve said I’m too distant and have pushed myself away from the family. My mom says I don’t share anything with her but it’s literally for the reason they use stuff against me.