I am 18F from Denver and I just graduated high school recently. This whole thing blew up a few weeks before graduation and some of my friends are still mad about it, so I want an outside opinion.
I got my first car last fall. It’s not fancy or anything, just an older Subaru my uncle sold me cheap, but it runs good and in Denver winters that basically makes everyone cling to you. Three of my friends live far from the bus line, so I started giving them rides to school. At first it was just sometimes and honestly not a big deal.
But then it turned into something they just expected. They would text me at 6 AM asking if I was outside even on days I never said I would pick them up. If I told them I needed to leave early or I could not drive because of weather, they got annoyed. One of them even told me I should not buy a car if I dont want to help people, which didnt make sense to me.
The final straw was when two of them left empty Starbucks cups, food wrappers, and muddy shoes in the backseat. I asked them to clean it and they said I was being dramatic and it was not that bad. But it really was bad. My mom saw it and thought an animal had gotten inside.
So the next Monday I told them I was not driving anyone for a while until they respected my car and my time. They acted like I betrayed them even though the bus exists and one of them literally has a bike.
They ended up walking or taking the bus for the last couple weeks of school and then they started telling mutual friends that I ditched them and left them stranded. One even said I think I am better than everyone which I do not think at all.
My parents said I handled it maturely but some classmates said I overreacted and should have set clearer rules. I feel like I tried.
So am I the asshole for stopping the rides completely instead of giving them another warning?
NTA;: You absolutely did the right thing, people will not respect you and your thing if you don’t respect yourself. And your friends need to learn to respect others people things.
some people just take everything for granted I guess..
NTA. Did they contribute gas money? I’m guessing no, since you didn’t mention it in your post. It’s your car, not their personal taxi. That comment about not buying a car unless you want to help people is utterly stupid. Flip the script on them, ask them if it was their car and you were the one who always needed a ride, would they be willing to give you a ride whenever you needed one and left trash in their car, how they would feel about being your personal Uber? Your friends (and anyone who agrees with them) are the assholes.
NA I’ve learned that almost always, giving someone a ride is rewarded with the other person pestering for more rides, often with an entitled attitude and no reciprocation.
If they keep it up, drive to the bus stop or wherever they’ll be and wave as you drive off.
Congratulations on learning how to stand up for yourself
You’re allowed to set rules for your property, time and grace.
If people don’t respect those rules then there are consequences to them.
Younger people will conflate the consequences to those actions as personal attacks. In reality, you are setting boundaries and if they aren’t responsible enough to maintain them then you might want to reconsider your dealings with said people.
Interesting that your parents didn’t give you the “my parents won’t let me anymore” excuse. Mine did that when I didn’t want to drive someone anymore
NTA, they took advantage of your kindness and disrespected your vehicle. They should have been grateful, not rude.
NTA. They were taking advantage of your kindness. To set an expectation to freely use someone else’s personal property and then to disrespect that property is unacceptable. They need to save up and get their own vehicle.
It’s a good age for you to learn who your true friends are and who you should be surrounding yourself with. I think we can all agree it’s not this bunch of users who don’t appreciate you, your time, or your property, only what *you* can do *for them*.
Honestly, I don’t have any friends from this part of my life anymore. It’s almost like people think you’re obligated to be ‘friends’ just because you grew up together, but people change! All of my current close friends I chose, as an adult. NTA
NTA – honestly you need a better class of ‘friends’. Currently they sound just like entitled brats. It’s refreshing to hear that you understand what’s happening and had the fortitude to cut them off and not succumb to their badgering and whining to mutual friends.
Well, you’re definitely finding out who are actual friends and who just sees you as a useful tool in their lives.
Actual friends would understand and not be demanding. They’d also not leave your car as a trash heap and would *offer gas money or other compensation* even if you declined it. NTA.
NTA
Your parents are correct; your classmate is talking out of their ass – it’s not THEIR car getting trashed. This is a good lesson for you to learn young: be kind when you can but NEVER let people abuse your kindness or mistake it for weakness.
hate to tell you. they don’t think of you as a friend. you are their free ride, literally.