UPDATE: [https://www.reddit.com/u/Icy\_Professional5170/s/wKsXY5byeC](https://www.reddit.com/u/Icy_Professional5170/s/wKsXY5byeC)
i (23f) am currently watching my friend (27f) L’s two boys aged 4 and 1 and have been since the youngest was 4 months old. i am a full time sahm to my daughter who is almost 3 and is on the spectrum, my daughter’s other parent works night shift (7-7).
i started watching the boys last year around mid july as a favor to L, she told me she was struggling to find work because of her BD not helping out and asked if i could help her, she offered to pay me $5/hr for both boys after she was offered a position at her old job making $12/hr, i agreed to as a favor to her. she told me that this job was supposed to be an in between until she found another better paying job so she could pay more, money was never an issue for me. i agreed to watch them so she could go to work and their father would pick them up when he got off (M, T, W, & F i told her i could not work S or S).
everything was ok at first, until she started asking me to watch them on her days off so she could go to the dentist, dr, etc. and began dropping the kids off about 45 minutes earlier than she would go into work, for context i live about ten minutes away from her job and house. when i began to tell her i couldn’t watch them earlier, or when i wasn’t available on days off, she would become weird with me, i brushed it off at first, trying to be considerate that she is a working mom in need of money, trying to get away from her bd. i provide food, drinks, diapers, wipes, baths, etc, as a way for her not to have to worry about those things, again to relieve the stress of money as she’s usually struggling with money.
as well as sacrificing my time and my daughter’s time with her parent. ontop of all of that, her bd has been talking crap about me behind my back, and it has escalated in the past few months.
fast forward to this month where she was offered a position as a manager making $15/hr, and was offered a morning shift for a saturday, where she asks me if i could watch them as her bd was being unreliable and i told her i wasn’t sure and i would have to check my calendar, she seemed ok with that but a few days later she asked me again and brought up that her bd was complaining that i wasn’t available and she tells me she responded to him with “im sorry that my babysitter sucks and can’t work saturdays, etc” which kind of shocked me, i didn’t immediately respond to the message as i didn’t know if she meant that sarcastically or as a backhanded insult, and it’s not the first time she’s told me how she responds to him insulting me. last friday, she tells me all of the things that he has said about me claiming that “im only in it for the money, i don’t love his kids, i glare at him, etc” and she claims that she defended me and that he’s on his crazy bs again but i don’t feel that she did based on what she told me, and this is the third time ive felt disrespected by him and by her. i plan on telling her that next month i can no longer watch her kids tomorrow, but i feel bad about it, aita?
NTA. Literally wtf are you doing? This is not your friend. You are a doormat.
typical ppl pleaser bs, i know logically i shouldn’t do it to myself but im learning to stand up for myself more, thats why i came here, hearing others say its wrong helps me realize im not being mean for not putting up with being a doormat like you said, thats not friendship
Just tell her you can’t do it anymore, period
>im not being mean for not putting up with being a doormat
I had to realize this too and life is better without them in it
NTA
She is taking advantage of you and disrespecting you to boot.
Wish her luck in finding anyone else who will watch 2 toddlers for $5/hour plus food and diapers,and don’t let her guilt trip you into doing her any more favors.
YTA to yourself for letting her use you for so long. Tell her to find a new babysitter. She isn’t your friend.
yeah honestly you’re right, unfortunately i’ve realized i’m way too nice and it’s gone too far. the ppl pleaser in me hates this feeling tho, even tho i know it’s dumb
YTA to your daughter too. All that time and money gone. Stop the babysitting now and focus on your daughter.
Tell her to find a new babysitter but please don’t lose your generous spirit. Bad people will always take advantage but helping people is so good for the soul. Asking around to judge if you are being taken advantage of is a great idea when it’s tough to judge for yourself.
You are NTA. She is taking advantage of you. It’s possible that her attitude towards you is colored by the baby daddy‘s attitude towards her and how stressed she is and you’re the only person she can lash out at. Even though it makes no sense because you haven’t been mean to her. It might be like when kids can be behaved all day at daycare and when mom comes and picks you up then you break down because you’re safe with them. She might not realize she’s doing this. But it is still 100% unacceptable and you need to stand up for yourself. Clearly restate your boundaries and the things you cannot do. Good luck!
NTA. They’re using you for basically free childcare. They dont respect or appreciate you at all. Tell them to find other arrangements and be done with the whole friendship.
Quit. Now. This woman sounds bizarre.
Ok, so as a parent of a child on the spectrum, I feel I need to say this..
These years are the time that you really need one on one interaction with your Child. You need to build rapport, and to help your child in many areas.
You do not say if they are verbal, or have cognitive delays. This is the time that you will start to discover if there are any, or other issues (Comorbids) .
This is the time that you need to look into any therapies that your Child may need , to help them live their best life.
If you can afford to live without the added stress of looking after other Children at this time, then do it.
I wish you well oh, Edit.. NTA
I used to wonder why people don’t be nice and this! This is why