I think this is really stupid and I cannot believe I am posting something like this on Reddit. I (26f) am visiting my mom out of state. In her house after dinner, everyone washes their own dish. (I also want to add that this household is not a neat freak household. We all clean, but no one here is necessarily and neat freak.) My mother and her husband washed their dish before going to bed and she asked me to do the same. I of course said that I would. I got caught up in what I was doing and I forgot. Whoops.
My mother was already at work when I woke up. I realized my mistake in the morning and washed it was it immediately. Problem solved. Or so I thought. Later on in the evening, my mom and I get into an argument over the dish as she saw it before going to work. A lot of our argument was repeating the same points going back-and-forth with one another until I saw that it just wasn’t going anywhere so I simply just stopped arguing and for the peace of the rest of the family, I walked upstairs.
I just don’t see why needs to be the hill that she dies on. Or why she wants to start an argument over something that was already solved. I don’t think it’s a big deal. You just clean it and move on. Here is an also another side of note. She has also been known to do the same in the past. I feel like I should have might as well, not washed it at all because I would be yelled at regardless.
Edit:
Some of you guys have commented asking about the rules growing up. This is where left overnight all the time as a child. I guess I’m just a little bit thrown off because this was something that was completely different as compared to when I was younger.
I suppose this post also may trigger some because it’s about a lifestyle issue. Some people out there cannot go to bed, knowing that there was mess somewhere in the house. That’s their lifestyle and I don’t blame them. Everybody has a different threshold and what is considered messy or dirty.
Edit 2: I’m sorry about the miscommunication. When I said that she’s done this before, I mean that she does the same thing with her dish. She’ll leave it there in the sink also,
NTA. I mean, you made a small mistake but what is there to argue about at this point? What is she trying to achieve. You already washed the dish.
INFO: What was there to argue about? Did you apologize?
Yeah, I did apologize but she continue to fight it. It didn’t make sense to me.
What was there to continue to fight about? Did you genuinely apologise or was it one of those “I’m sorry, but…” apologies? There’s a big difference between:
– I’m sorry, it slipped my mind last night. I took care of it in the morning, won’t happen again.
and
– I’m sorry, it slipped my mind last night. I took care of it in the morning, it was just a couple dishes, I don’t know why you have to make a big deal out of it.
If your apology was like the first and she kept continuing to badger you instead of accepting it, then NTA. If it was more like the second, then YTA or ESH.
people don’t always sense. sometimes a fight about a dish is a fight about something else entirely, something that has nothing to do with you at all maybe.
maybe she’s stressed at work, maybe she’s dealing with a health issue, maybe she’s dealing with a pest issue, maybe she’s upset at someone else in her life and unfortunately you were the closest to her. maybe there was another issue the two of you had earlier in the day/week/month that you thought was settled but wasn’t.
taking out her anger on you isn’t the best way to deal with it, but it’s the human way. we’ve all done it. we’ve all snapped at person A when person B is the one we’re really angry at. maybe buy your mum something small that she likes, like a chocolate bar or some flowers.
NTA – Mom sounds seriously uptight and will regret it when her nonsense runs you off.
I can’t imagine making my kid who is VISITING ME feel like they need to go to Reddit for some support dealing with me over a dish.
Thank you! I totally agree, and cannot fathom all the YTAs here. If my adult kids come visit, I know my household will be disrupted in ways I can’t even predict. They bring all their own plans and projects and recipes and sometimes weird kitchen habits. And I’m thrilled to have them with me!
I wouldn’t visit anymore. You might forget again.
Nta this is such a minor NON issue. I can’t imagine fighting with my grown child who has chosen to visit me on her dime and with her PTO from out of state. Next time just stay in a hotel and tell her you don’t want any misunderstandings or arguments.
My mom pulled me out of bed by my ear at 5am when I was visiting because I left an empty glass (on a coaster) overnight. I know now she was really pissed about other things in her life and became hyper tidy as a way to control her surroundings… but at the time it was very jarring
So she assaulted you to feel more in control of her life? The woman needs mental help.
Ugh this is dumb. I can’t imagine living in such an every-man-for-himself household. Going forward, if I were you I’d wash everyone else’s dishes before they can get to them, just to be petty. Cuz everyone washing just one dish at a time seems weird
NTA. I wonder how OP’s mom reacts to a real problem.
NTA
I hope your mother sees this, and has to confront what an absolute gross jerk she is.
Her daughter washed the dumb dish.
A DISH is worth destroying the peace and harmony, and making your kid never want to EVER visit again?
Hope her and the clean unused dishes are very happy together, once you stop visiting her