So for a little context, I’m a trans male, was assigned am female at birth. Ive known for a while. I’ve been out for a little over a year and started taking HRT a few months ago. I’m 26 and my sister started planning her wedding over 2 years ago. My sister is very accepting and my parents aren’t. She invited me to be a bridesmaid before I ever came out. That’s fine with me, I’m still fine with being called a bridesmaid, all that. I’ve never worn super girly clothes even when I was still closeted, but I’d agreed to still wear the dress my sister picked out for bridesmaids because I wanted to make her day like she wanted.
We got the dresses and…I hated it. It highlighted every part about my body that feels too girly. My sisters colors are very peaches and cream and I managed to find a suit that matches, cleared it with her beforehand. She seemed slightly hesitant because our parents are at the wedding but I told her I’d try to avoid them if they brought it up.
Wedding has come and gone, day after Christmas but at the wedding my parents accused me of wanting to take attention away from my sister and made a big stink admit how much they were happy one turned out normal and were upset that i would impose my beliefs upon a religious ceremony (both were raised southern Baptist and my sister is still Christian but not very strict about it.) I ended up leaving early, hoping that that wouldn’t ruin the night.
My sister is upset, she doesn’t understand why i couldn’t just wear the dress when it was only for a few hours when I could change at the reception, because she had a feeling our parents would do this. I’ve tried to explain that no matter how much I’ve built muscle and cut my hair that that dress made me feel bad about my body and I absolutely hated it. She keeps saying that I was being dramatic and that i should have just listened to her warning.
AITA?
NTA
It’s your body autonomy and consent. You should respectfully decline and not attend as a bridesmaid if she can’t accommodate this
NTA
If your sister didn’t want men as bridesmaids, she shouldn’t of asked a man to be a bridesmaid.
It seems there’s limits to your sisters ability to support you if it creates conflict with your parents.
ESH, except your sister. You agreed to wear the dress and then you went back on your word. Your parents suck because they kicked up a fuss. Your sister had her wedding spoilt by sucky parents and sibling.
Ouch I could not imagine having to look at those photos for the rest of your life. That is too much to ask of you, even if it was her wedding. I bet the suit looked really cool.
NTA
Wedding or not you should never made to feel that you must wear something to please others.
Your folks actually took the spotlight from your sister when they confronted you at your sister’s wedding. Unclear why your sister is jumping into the pool with your folks.
I See You.
NTA
This is your parents’ fault and she needs to direct her anger and sadness at them.
NTA- honestly your sister handled this poorly. After you came out you should have told her you weren’t comfortable being a bridesmaid seeing as you aren’t a woman. If my trans brother was important to me I wouldn’t demand he wear a dress. That is just bonkers to me. I’m sorry you were put in such an uncomfortable position. Your sister approved the suit at the end of the day. Your parents just should have kept their opinion to themselves. You did nothing wrong and they are just trying to make you the scapegoat.
NTA _My body, my choice_ applies to clothing as well. Nobody forced your parents to make a stink at the wedding, though, if they disagrees with your clothes they could have confronted you afterwards.
NTA. She blamed you for your parents’ reaction. She should have told them beforehand and told them not to make a big stink. That’s what sisters do for their brothers. My little brother told me he was gay and I always supported him. Because of him, I learned that I’m pan ace and have a wife. I’m so disappointed in your sister, but I’m so proud of you for trying your best. I’m so sorry this even happened. You did nothing wrong.
NTA your sister gave you the ok, she can’t go change her mind after the fact just because it upset your parents.
NTA. Your parents are being completely unreasonable. It probably has more to do with their own inability to accept your transition than anything else. You are 100% not “imposing your beliefs” by wearing a suit. That was the correct attire for this situation. Don’t let them gaslight you.
NTA. Your sister should never have asked or expected you to wear a dress after you came out. You were much more generous than most would be to even consider wearing it.
I was a grooms lady recently at a close friend’s wedding. I wore the same suit as the men which was custom built/tailored for me. They told me I could wear whatever I wanted between the grooms suit or bridesmaid dress. I wanted to match with my male friends (and imo might have worn it best 💅). Trans, cis, or nonbinary it’s all just clothing which is more culturally informed. Your parents sound like ignorant jerks. My condolences to having them bully you and your sister who sounds like she can’t take the heat of her own decisions. NTA and don’t let their tiny world view – of their little slice of the universe – at this small moment in time – guilt you for wearing some pants. If that’s the hill they want to die on they can die mad about it.