27m here.
At my last job, I became close with a new co-worker and we became friends outside of work. She quit her job about 2 months into being there and, frankly, she was a liability in the workplace which was tough because we worked with vulnerable people. That said, it was nice to make a new friend so we kept in touch. Eventually, she became distant and we didn’t speak for about 6 months.
Then, I ended up getting diagnosed with cancer and reached out to her about it for some social support that I definitely did not get. She basically said "man that sucks" and became unreachable again, even though at this point we shared a social circle and it would have been very easy to cross paths and reach out.
After another 6 months or so, just a few days ago, she text me all smiles enjoy and I was really shocked and happy about it, but she then *immediately* asked me to fill out a letter of recommendation for her to pursue a master’s degree at university… that I refused to give a good recommendation on.
In my brain, I feel like it would be unethical to be dishonest and recommend somebody for a job I don’t think they are fit for, especially when it will involve working with vulnerable people, but I also… Have no reason to do anything favors for somebody who abandoned me when I was at my absolute lowest. Am.i the asshole?
NTA.
NTA. She’s not a friend by any definition, and you don’t owe her anything. Block her and forget about it.
NTA. And even if her work was high enough quality, which it seems not, and even if she was a better friend, which it seems not, working together for 2 months over a year ago isn’t really significant enough for a recommendation.
NTA, at all! You acted with honesty and integrity, as it would be unethical to lie in the recommendation for the job, especially for someone that has clearly used you for her own interest.
She only valued you when she needed something from you. She is a taker. Had no time for you when you were deathly ill. So. Regardless of her ethics and history, she does not deserve any of your time or effort. Says something that she has to reach all the way back to your work history and you, to find a recommendation…..mmmm.
NTA. I have a coworker going back to school who honestly is a liability but no one gets fired at my job. She would not stop asking even though I told her I was uncomfortable with it. The letter was done online directly to them and while I didn’t badmouth her at all, I was very honest in how she treated people and behaved. If the letter goes direct be neutral but honest.
NTA I wouldn’t be recommending her based on what you said even if I didn’t have cancer.
Sorry about your health, OP.
NTA
Even if this person was the most amazing person ever, you only worked together for 2 months? That’s honestly not long enough to even make a recommendation if you wanted to.
Was it for a job or a degree program?
NTA, FAFO she not a good person and you don’t owe her any favors
NTA
Fuck her.
I hope you’re doing OK.
Hmmm. Sounds like, new cute person started working with me, I tried to force a relationship, she left and I’m still pissed
NTA. You only worked with her for 2 months and it’s been a year since you’ve been in contact. Not someone you know well enough to recommend one way or another.
NTA. Even if she had been an angel towards you after you after your diagnosis, NTA.