I’ve only been seeing Mae for 11 months and two weeks, so I know that’s not like super serious necessarily on her part, but I love her and really hope she’s the one. Sappiness aside, her mother actually reached out to me and invited me to Thanksgiving.
> This is Mrs. [LastName], [Mae’s] mother. I hope your classes are going well! I just wanted to reach out to invite you to stay over Thanksgiving break. I haven’t told Mae that I’m asking you yet, so don’t feel any pressure at all if you’d rather go home.
Mae and I go to boarding school and I usually go to two summer camps, so I haven’t really seen my parents in person much since last June. I don’t really… like Thanksgiving at our house. I know that’s stupid and ungrateful but by God it feels somewhere between a white tie wedding I wasn’t invited to and a cattle auction. I could put all my relatives in a group chat and screenshot my grades and we’d get the same or better result.
Also, some of my parents’/relatives’ friends keep lowkey trying to set their kids up with me. I really doubt most of them are actually interested, but I’m in a committed relationship so… i don’t know, it’s just even more uncomfortable than usual.
Anyway, excuses aside, I asked my parents if I could go to Mae’s instead and they flipped.
They’re saying I’m ungrateful, that they’ve barely seen me these last years, and that I’m going to take away one of their last parenting experiences while I’m still a "kid". Which… I guess is kinda true (in highschool, at least). But I can always just be there next year? I highly doubt they’re going to disown me, and there’s no highschool-specific roles. It’s literally just a fancy dinner party. Hell, we can have those at Christmas. It’s not like they’re going to stop telling me what to do
They’ve said that they won’t "stop me from making my choices", which is their usual line when I dare do something that annoys them. There will probably be consequences, but they don’t have any other kids so disownment is unlikely, and I’d really like to spend time with Mae (and her family seems lovely; I’ve written back and forth a bit with her mother now and she’s very sweet.)
They don’t like Mae very much, but tolerate her. Inviting her over for winter break instead was mentioned as a possibility.
They’ve already sent me the money to buy tickets, and since it’s cash I was thinking about just using that on a flight to Mae’s. But I also have some money, and could probably get a really cheap ticket without touching what they’ve given me specifically to get home.
NAH in my opinion, although I think the rest of reddit would lean NTA your parents suck on this one.
You’re in boarding school. You go away every summer. You rarely see your parents. It’s understandable that they’d be upset you’re not coming home for Thanksgiving, especially for a girl they’re still unsure about, in a relationship they probably see as just young love.
But you’ve also laid out a couple good reasons for wanting to go. I don’t blame you for wanting to go. It was kind of Mae’s family to invite you.
I don’t have an answer for you. If you do choose to go, make sure you bring a housewarming gift and write a handwritten thank you note after you leave.
If they haven’t seen you very much it’s also on their “choices” to send you away.
They also had all the possibility of inviting her the way she invited you.
Go with Mae. Life is short – you’ve seen Thanksgiving at your house (ad nauseum) so somewhere new is a life experience. I regret doing Ground Hog Day at my parents every year until I hit my 40’s. Now we do Thanksgiving with them and try to do something different on Christmas – so it won’t be two ground hog days…..NTA
INFO: How does Mae feel about you coming to her family’s TG? That fact that you said it’s not super serious on her part and that her mother bypassed her own daughter to invite you makes me think Mae might not want you there as much as her mother does.
Oh god, I hadn’t thought of that. That’s a great point. She usually seems really happy to be with me and keeps me with her when we’re out and find each other, so it should hopefully be okay, but I should really check with her first. I don’t want to overstep or make things awkward, especially because that’s kind of something I’m working on. (Possibly irrelevant context but I was super spoiled by my parents as a kid and so figuring out what I’m actually supposed to turn down is kind of a whole thing. Mae’s mother might also just be being nice because I might be a burden on them financially if I came.)
I thought that was odd, too.
NTA for wanting to spend the time with your friend rather than your parents. If you have the money to use on your own ticket, then I would use that money instead of using your parents money.
However, you’re kind of the AH for calling Mae your “short term” girlfriend after almost a year together. You also mention that you’re in a committed relationship with her. Don’t go home with Mae if you see her as just a short term girlfriend. That’s not fair to use her if you’re just trying to avoid your family.
Oh I definitely don’t see her as anything casual; I just really don’t want to be presumptuous and my whole family has been saying that up to a year and a half is short term. I’m really hoping to build a future with her, she’s the best person I’ve ever had the honor to know.
[Rambling about Mae redacted]
I’m not trying to avoid my family – they’re a little wearing but could be WAY worse! I love them and we have a pretty decent relationship.
I got the sense he just meant it hasn’t been a year so it doesn’t “count” as long term, but they’re serious about each other.
>they won’t “stop me from making my choices”, which is their usual line when I dare do something that annoys them. There will probably be consequences
You’re a young adult, but you’re also very much under their thumb. That said, at some point you have to be your own person. You’re not 8 years old anymore. Standing up to your controlling parents is part of that process.
>They’ve already sent me the money to buy tickets, and since it’s cash I was thinking about just using that on a flight to Mae’s
Speaking of being a young adult, and having agency.. If you intend to go, don’t be sneaky about it. Tell your parents that you received a direct invite, and that you want to go. Christmas is just around the corner, and you will see them for a longer period of time.
NTA if you approach this responsibly
I say NTA for now. If you do use your parents’ money to buy tickets to your girlfriend’s place, then you would be the asshole. If you stay with Mae, one of the things you will have to figure out is how to split time between both of your families.
Last time seeing you as a child? Weird. Go to your gfs bro. Like another comment said life is short. Extra short for some. Good lord I don’t blame ya. You can see these guys later when ever you want to X) If they already haven’t seen you much then they can go a little longer I’m sure. Freaking weird.
NTA but you got to think long term. Your parents are bank rolling you which will include college coming up.
If I was in your shoes, I’d go for a quick trip home then spend the rest of the break with the gf family and just tell your parents that you had to go back to do some work or something.
Give them a glimpse into your life to keep them happy, but they definitely don’t care that much. It is all about appearances to them so just don’t make them look bad.
Keep making a family out of the people who care about you! Spend time with people who take an interest in the real you.
You can always go NC when you get your trust.