I 19F was having a party at my house one of my friends Jack 19m was there and his boyfriend we’ll call Dylan came to pick him up towards the end.
I welcome Dylan in he says hi to everyone and sits down on the sofa in my kitchen. Jack lays up beside him, and kinda curls up around him. (He’s very drunk at this stage) and is lying over Dylan’s lap if that makes sense with his arms around him. And then Dylan looks a little embarrassed but starts playing with Jacks hair and scratching his neck as he’s chatting to us.
I’m like Awwww and point out how cute that is. we all that being me, Dylan and other friends, (Jacks kinda just chilling like that not talking), are just talking. At one point I jokingly say can I have a go then reach out and start tickling the back of Jacks neck.
Jack says what the fuck but like while giggling a bit so he clearly was fine with it. But then Dylan told me to stop and was quite firm with it for no reason. I’m just being fun and say cmon Jack doesn’t mind and continue doing it, Dylan says again to stop but I don’t because and as I say jokingly who’s he to decide. Jack reflexes away a bit and says yeah when Dylan says stop but it’s like not that he really doesn’t want it he’s giggling and stuff he’s clearly playing along. Dylan then like actually swats my hand away and tells me quite sharply to stop and says I’m being weird.
That’s completely uncalled for so I snap back alright fucking possessive I’ll stop, only you can have any physical contact with your boyfriend that’s healthy and I’ll respect it. He then asks why I’m blowing this up when It was just I was being uncomfortable and he was just telling me to stop and I wouldn’t listen. I try and argue back but Jack steps in, best he can in that state anyway and just tells everyone to quit going on about it before it turns into something.
So it stayed just that small little back and forth and once Jack and Dylan left I expected my other friends, who witnessed the whole thing, to back me up over how weird and possessive Dylan was. But instead they said no you were being so weird and even insulting to him.
But HE insulted me first by calling me weird. But one of my other friends said I actually did that first with the Awwwww comment and calling them cute. like if nothing else that’s completely wrong that’s not insulting at all? And in general I was confident I wasn’t wrong here but now idk.
One thing is when I was tickling his neck I was the only one who could see Jacks face because he had it like facing Dylan but I could see from where I was. So maybe people didn’t get that Jack didn’t ACTUALLY mind.
Eh, yta for me, it’s weird to do that to someone when they are cuddling their significant other, then you don’t stop when told. Jack was most likely uncomfortable too, he told you off 2 times, even if lightly. Imagine a guy friend would tickle you and you tried to push him away and not make a scene and he’s like, aw come on you like it.
Also, you knew refusing would escalate and you still didn’t stop.
this, you didn’t stop when asked to.,
YTA No means No. it doesn’t matter who it is, if someone says they’re uncomfortable then you stop.
YTA. Just because someone is giggling doesn’t mean they are okay with it. Before you mentioned jack giggling you said he was very drunk which could explain why he was giggling. Then after Jack reflexes away from you after Dylan says stop you basically assumed he’s playing along and then Dylan has to step in after and swat your hand.
You were being weird. It doesn’t matter by someone’s facial expression the fact that Jack was very drunk and then Jack moving away after Dylan said stop should speak volumes.
YTA for sure. You’re young still, so you might not fully understand how bad this was on your part.
It may not feel like it, but laughter is legitimately a fear response. That’s why tickling even works, it’s shorting out your fear sense by lightly touching a sensitive body part. This is why many people laugh when they’re scared or nervous. You were likely scaring the heck out of your friend, and he didn’t know how to respond because you’re a friend, but he REALLY didn’t like what you were doing, so nervous laughter happened.
Also, many people find tickling to be intimate. So what you did, on my mind, and many others, would be the equivalent of say, kissing him, or grabbing his groin. YOU might not find it weird, but THEY obviously do. It’s not appropriate to be doing that to people, especially without consent first.
And lastly, no matter what, you never have the right to tell someone else how they feel about what you did to them. You can think they shouldn’t feel that way all you like, but they obviously felt it was inappropriate, so it was inappropriate. If another person finds it appropriate, do it with them. You don’t get to decide someone else’s consent for them. They were right to slap your hand for repeatedly assaulting them (which yes, this DOES count as assault, as you didn’t have consent)
YTA
Jacks bf asked you to stop multiple times and you disrespected him, jack was drunk by the sounds very drunk so wasn’t sober enough to properly consent
You need to stop when asked. You sound like a bit of a bully to be fair.
YTA. Did you get consent? When you said “can I have a go” did Jack say “yes,” because it doesn’t seem like it.
“They didn’t really mind” seems like a comment assaulters make.
all I’m going to say is ……. when you say NO do you want to be listened to?
YTA. Dylan feels like someone who doesn’t want their drunk boyfriend to be taken advantage of. You could’ve just stopped.
YTA. You even said Jack reflexed away which is a no but you kept on going. He would have been giggling due to the fact he was very drunk.
Ok, keep your hands to yourself.
Particularly keep your hands to yourself when someone is too drunk to process properly and consent to what you are trying to do with your hands!
What don’t you understand?
Jack was drunk. You touched him. I don’t care if it was a “joke”. His boyfriend told you to stop and *keep your damn hands to yourself!” You protested about being told to not touch the drunk guy!
Am I being clear here!
YTA keep your hands to yourself unless someone indicates you can touch them, they are in a clear state of mind, and are clearly happy to engage with what you are doing to them.
YTA it doesn’t fit every scenario but I think it’s applicable here. Try switching the genders. Imagine a guy tickling a drunk girl’s neck and not stopping even though he’s been told multiple times to stop. Doesn’t sound very good does it?
ETA: I don’t need you to answer me right here, but ask yourself: what gave you the right to keep touching someone after being told to stop? Does anyone have that right?
YTA why would you feel it’s ok to start physically touching someone who’s in a relationship and cuddling with their significant other? Then you’re asked to stop and you just keep doing it until it blows up. Then start playing the victim? This is cringey, really cringey.
Put yourself in Dylan’s place. You’re cuddling with your drunk SO on the couch and one of your friends comes and starts getting handsy with your SO in quite an intimate way – by tickling their gross long nails on your SO’s neck (seriously, I get a real cringe when I think about someone doing that to me). You tell them to stop, several times, but they don’t, and suddenly it’s tense and the friend has gotten angry that they’re not allowed to continue the neck tickling, and turned it into a ‘situation’.
You’d have to be a pretty oblivious person to not realise you’d be pissed off too. YTA. Bigtime.