I (33M) was sitting with my mum (67F), my sister (45F), and my nephew (31M). My mum was telling my sister about something she saw on TV, and described a man as "coloured".
I joked "I didn’t realise we were in the 1930’s" and said the word she used was outdated, trying to lightheartedly educate her so she doesn’t make a faux-pas in a worse situation.
My sister said "I was waiting for that" in an eye-roll sort of voice. My mum got defensive, saying that it was the only way she could think of to describe him. My nephew sighed and muttered "For god’s sake" or something.
I said again, that it’s widely considered an outdated term. My sister said "Who says?" so I found a BBC article from 10 years ago literally titled "Why it’s offensive" and she sarcastically said "Well, if the BBC says it, it must be true"
My efforts to point out that I was simply saying the word is outdated were met with total resistance and yelling. I know my mum didn’t mean it in an offensive way, I just wanted to help her modernise her vocabulary. To be clear, I never once accused anyone of anything beyond using out-of-date words.
It is outdated – you were correct
NTA. You were polite and actually rather helpful while your sister was being an asshole for reasons unknown.
I would say sister was being an AH because she is a racist and didnt like OP calling out their mothers racist comment because she took it as a personal attack
It’s not outdated, it’s racist. It assumes that white people are the standard and everyone else is different.
NTA.
Genuine question: how is PoC (person of color) different then?
Its racist not outdated.
NTA
Ahh, reminds me of early-2000s rural America. Such quaint racism and anti-intellectualism. It’s almost refreshing in a way.
What a fun way to find out everyone in the room is racist. NTA
NTA. 67 is young enough to know better
NTA your family sounds racist bc they genuinely don’t care
NTA. There’s no way she doesn’t know it’s outdated. She just doesn’t care.
Age 67 and she’s doing that? Has she been sheltered?
NTA
Next time, or maybe don’t wait for a next time, explain to your mom that we can describe people by the clothing they are wearing, we don’t need to define people by their skin color.
I had to do that with my mom when she was 80, 15 years ago. At 67, your mom is not even trying to be a part of the current world.
It’s one thing to use an outdated tern, it’s super fucking regressive to defend it. If your family doesn’t want to be thought of that way, they shouldn’t speak that way. NTA
NTA. You explained how and why the term shouldn’t be used in a light-hearted and approachable way, and everyone in the room decided to take offense to that. Nice way to find out your family are racists, I guess. And on another note, I’m quite disappointed to see how many of the comments here are excusing this behavior by saying it’s simply “too difficult” to keep up with the “ever changing” proper terminology. Believe me, the pain it causes my people to be referred to as an outdated, offensive, and dehumanizing term that reduces us to the color of our skin is significantly greater than any mild inconvenience you may feel having to stay up to date on the “right” term. Please learn to have some more empathy.