Hi Reddit, I (29F) need an outside opinion because I feel like I’m either going crazy or missing something obvious.
So, my daughter (6) started elementary school two months ago. She befriended a boy in her class and I’ve been messaging with his mom occasionally to organize playdates and school stuff. Today, the boy’s father messaged me for the first time.
I was already chatting with the mom about meeting for an afternoon snack/playdate at their place, and out of nowhere (for me), the dad texted me too. He introduced himself politely, explained that their son really wanted to invite my daughter over, and suggested a time. The message was completely child-related and neutral..he got my number from the class WhatsApp group.
I replied politely, and that was it.
We ended up staying at their place for about 3 hours because the kids were having fun and the parents were very talkative.
Before going, I had told my partner (40M) that I’d be home around 6:30 pm. We ended up leaving around 7:30. During the playdate my partner texted/called me several times. I actually answered three calls and told him (lightly) that the kids weren’t letting me leave and the parents were still talking. I was also trying not to be rude, constantly on my phone while in someone else’s house. There was noise, two kids, a dog, etc. I wasn’t purposely ignoring him as he currently thinks.
When I got home, he exploded. He said that it’s suspicious that the dad messaged me “instead of waiting to meet me in person.”, and that I must have given him a reason to message me.
He also said that answering late “is disrespectful” and that I “change when I’m around other people”, and I should’ve been home to make dinner.
He yelled loudly in front of our kids, accusing me of not respecting him. He also implied I must be hiding something because “why would a father whose wife is already texting a women write directly to her?”
Tonight, he said he’s done with me and doesn’t want to continue the relationship. He refused to talk calmly or listen to anything I said.
I feel confused at this point. I don’t know if this breakup is real or just anger. I don’t even know if I did something wrong beyond being late and not glued to my phone.
So am I the AH?
I’m not looking for validation, I genuinely want to know if I’m missing something here.
Thanks for reading.
NTA. He’s probably been cheating on you and is projecting. Sounds to me like he’s been looking for a reason to break it off and he’s created one.
Seeing his (totally out of proportion!) reaction. My first thought was projection as well.
NTA.
There is quite literally no reason for him to explode this badly out of nowhere. Either this is an escalation of existent jealousy issues, or he’s projecting because *he’s* the one cheating on you.
Either way, make him walk his talk. He’s done? He damn well better be ready to pay your alimony and child support.
What you’re missing here is how unreasonable, suspicious, jealous, demanding, and sexist your partner is. What a relief that he’s throwing himself out and you don’t have to go to all the trouble of fitting that large red flag through the door. NTA
You didn’t do anything wrong. A dad texting about a playdate is normal parent stuff, not some secret plot. Your partner jumping to cheating accusations, yelling in front of the kids, and acting like you owe him minute-by-minute updates is the real red flag here. That’s control, not concern. If he’s ending the relationship over a totally harmless playdate, that’s on him, not you. You’re not the AH.
NTA.
The classic age gap/’grooming’. He probably was always like this but you’ve matured and realised his behaviour and/or you have aged out.
His behaviour is clearly abhorrent.
When did you start dating?
Yeah, that age gap was definitely a jump scare for me. The child mentioned in this post is 6, so OP had her at around 23 years old? So OP was at best in her early 20s when she met her mid-30s partner. OP is NTA, but she really needs to reflect on her relationship.
NTA.
Plan your exit strategy for your safety, and the safety of the children.
This is unreasonable, controlling behaviour. You being later than planned was a tiny, tiny bit annoying, not worth mentioning and his reaction is unwarranted. Yelling at you in front of the kids? Nup.
He wanted to end it and using this as a excuse let him go you do better without him
Nah, you’re good. The dad texting you about a playdate is normal parenting stuff, not some secret code. Your partner sounds way too paranoid and controlling, especially blowing up in front of the kids. Being late and not answering every call while managing two kids and a social situation? Totally understandable. His reaction says more about him than you.
NTA. THIS PARAGRAPH RIGHT HERE.
He yelled loudly in front of our kids, accusing me of not respecting him. He also implied I must be hiding something because “why would a father whose wife is already texting a women write directly to her?”
He did this in front of your children. Let him go if he needs to be gone. That’s not normal behavior.
NTA
Yeah, you’re missing something. He is the kind of person who wouldn’t text a woman unless he had an ulterior motive. He is the guy who would set up a kid’s play date in hopes of making a move. Either that or he was looking for a reason to go. But good news for you? He is gone and you don’t have to go through the emotional blackmail.
P.S. He will try to make you feel like the bad guy but you are smarter than that.
Reread your post. What advice would you give your daughter if her partner treated her like this?
NTA, except to yourself if you stay with this man and let your kids model their future relationships after what they saw at home in their formative years.