My birthday is coming up and my family planned a daytime celebration for me with relatives and family friends. I told my girlfriend about this in advance and explained that I’d still spend time with her the day before and the day after, and also majority of my actual birthday.
Due to family and religious reasons, my girlfriend wouldn’t be able to attend the evening portion of the family event. When I shared the plan, my gf became upset and said that by doing this I was putting my family above her and making her feel like a low priority. She also said it made her feel unloved.
I tried to compromise by offering dedicated time around the birthday, but she said she no longer wants to see me at all on my birthday because of how this made her feel.
AITA for keeping my family plans on my birthday even though it upset my gf?
Her parents and my parents wouldn’t be happy if they saw her at my house before marriage. We would have to be married first
INFO: How old are you? And do each of your parents know that you’re seeing her?
Is this something you personally believe in? Is this something you wish to continue supporting and one day enforce on your own children? If the answer is yes can you explain why it isn’t okay to have her over to the house in your own words?
NTA. You have other relationships besides the one with your girlfriend. You gave perfectly reasonable options.
She is being entitled and difficult.
I would say, “ I am not prioritizing them or you. There is a large group of people that have made this plan, in honour of me, and I am going to be there. If you choose to make that about you, that is all on you. My decision has nothing to do with how I feel about you and your feelings for me should not change because the exact hour you want to see me on my birthday, I can not. That is ridiculous. “
NTA. You’re giving her a lot of *your* time on *your* birthday, but she is choosing to be immature, insecure, and emotionally manipulative.
I hope you like constantly reassuring someone and being manipulated when you don’t do it often enough or correctly enough. This smacks of “if you loved me you would <fill in the blank>”.
Anywho, you’re good and I hope she goes to therapy soon to work on those insecurities and manipulation tactics.
ETA: also, she’s making your birthday about her by doing this. That’s selfish, on top of everything else.
NTA. It’s your birthday, not hers. Nothing else needs to be said
I assume this is coming from an Indian culture which it is extremely frowned upon in their communities, I could be wrong, but it is what I have heard from online friends in the same culture. I would say NTA, and she should respect your choice to follow the tradition that you belong and respect. I would break it off if she does not want to respect your choice, ruin your relationship with
your family, your relationship with your religion, and you ultimately disrespecting her family by letting her come over. If her family does not agree with her going either, then why push it, you are respecting her family’s wishes, and so should she.
I’m gonna assume that you’ve been with your girlfriend for a while since you also used the term partner? I’m also genuinely curious to know what religion is preventing your partner from coming to your birthday to celebrate another year of your life. I can understand her feeling hurt due to being excluded.
In my opinion, you are entitled to celebrate your birthday however you’d like. If your choice is to celebrate it with your family with your religion being a factor of how you’d like that celebration; you’re entitled to that.
I will say this though if I were her. I’d probably evaluate how I fit with you in the future. Seems like your religion is an important factor to you and your family. If she cannot get on board with your guy’s religion, then you might not be compatible partners. What other limitations are there for her besides not being able to go to your house since you’re not married? Is there certain life style changes she would have to change about herself if you two were to get married? Is there certain wife traditions she would have to appease to your family and religion? These are things you should discuss about. That way you’re not wasting each other’s time and can move on to different people if it’s not compatible.
Wait. Is she unwelcome with your family because she’s a different religion? And you’re choosing to spend all of your time with them and none with her?
NTA She’s your girlfriend, not your wife; and it’s *your* birthday, not hers. Hell, I’ve been married for decades and there are still family events that are non-negotiable, especially when it’s *my* special occasion. If I wanna spend the day alone with my goddamn cats, then that’s what I get to do.
I need more of the story. How long have you been together? Why can’t she join your family? Did your family ask if you had other plans first? How old are you? A partner is the only family that you can choose, so don’t you want to spend it with her?
I can understand religion, & traditions. But if she’s your partner, she needs to learn & be a part of these religion & tradition activities. She needs to have the full picture of YOU to decide if she wants to spend her life with you. And vice versa, of course. It’s one thing if you are just friends, but if you are hoping to be partners for life, you have to learn and experience everything about each other.
NAH. If this is truly a religious/cultural deal, and you’re spending most of the day together anyway, it seems pretty serious. Serious enough where you could request to move the location since it’s your birthday.
You’re trying to respect customs, but this might be a gesture to make her feel like she’s a part of your life. There’s a way to do both.