Few months ago, I found myself in a tough spot with housing. Long story short, a friend of mine needed a new roommate, and I found myself living with them and three other people, and I’m very thankful they took me in.
It was made clear to me moving in that there would be some rough spots living with a dog, since one of the roommates, we’ll call them Sam, owns one. It’s been fine and I feel I’ve been understanding with the dog peeing on the floor since it’s a puppy, it being extremely energetic, and even when it bites me when we play.
Since I’ve moved in and started paying rent, we’ve had a group discussion about how Sam needs to take more responsibility looking after the dog. Sam hardly ever plays with it, keeps it locked up for much too long which just exacerbates how energetic it is when it’s out, never picks up after it, doesn’t walk it enough, and worst of all, refuses to put in the effort to actively train it.
One of my other roommates, Dakota, who used to work in a rescue shelter was literally in tears saying they’d surrender the dog to a shelter if things didn’t get any better. After Dakota brought things up to Sam, Sam said they would take more responsibility, but with the exception of the dog growing out of the peeing habit, I haven’t seen any improvement from either them or the dog since.
My sleep schedule differs from that of the other roommates, try as I might, I’m a night owl, and I tend to head to bed fairly late at night. In the last month the dog has picked up this new habit that has been costing me huge amounts of sleep. It’ll take a hard toy or bone, pick it up, and drop it on the hardwood floor with a bang on repeat just about every morning, which then leaves me unable to get back to sleep since while I can sleep *through* noise such as their conversations in the kitchen and the TV playing whatever, I can’t *get* to sleep with that amount of noise.
My roommates know I have a different sleep schedule from the rest of them, and to me it feels disrespectful that none of them are giving it any thought to stop this from happening when I’ve been open about this specifically costing me hours of sleep. It’s also annoying that this is always followed by them yelling the dog’s name in frustration repeatedly, which just feels like evidence that nothing has improved since our meeting.
This morning it happened again, and for better or for worse, I took matters into my own hands. I regrettably barked at the dog to "get the hell away from me", and then looked around for any of the harder toys, and put them away. Surprisingly, Dakota was the one who got frustrated with me telling me to calm down and that it was made clear to me when I moved in that living with a dog would come with rough spots. I simply said nothing, and just returned to my room in silence.
Am I the asshole? I genuinely want to be understanding, but me losing sleep over Sam’s seeming inability to stop this habit feels to go beyond what’s reasonable.
Nta the roommate with the dog should NOT have a dog. Sounds like it would be even better at a shelter, which is saying something.
Next step: clear boundaries with Sam and maybe a written plan so everyone knows what’s expected for the dog.
NTA. Honestly, it sounds like Dakota was more upset by your attitude than by the fact that you put the hard toys away. The dog doesn’t need hard toys at all hours of the day. Soft ones will be fine.
Info: had you actually TALKED with anyone about this specific issue before? How early in the day are we talking?
NTA if the dog is running a 6am percussion concert on hardwood every morning, putting the toys away is basic survival.
YTA taking it out on the dog. It’s not the dogs fault.
ESH I think, but INFO first:
\- How ‘off’ is your sleep schedule? Like what time of the morning do you need them to still ‘be quiet’ for you? If it’s beyond 8am then you’re out of luck. People need to go about their lives and get started with their days. If you have weird shifts or just ‘can’t sleep’ at normal times, that’s no one else’s issue to have to work around.
\- Sam is horrible for keeping a dog he/she has no interest in. Dakoa and everyone else should try to convince SAm to find another owner or surrender this poor dog. Ii’m sure a more loving family/situation can be found.
\- However, roommates are roommates….if you have specific needs, and if you can no longer tolerate the dog, then you always have the option to move. I know you’ll say ‘but I can’t afford another place’….and that’s what it comes down to. If this is all you can ‘get’…then sometimes you gotta suck it up.
This take is so wild to me. OP has expressed zero expectation that the roommates remain quiet in the mornings to accommodate his/her different schedule. What’s bothering them specifically is an entirely unnecessary repetitive loud noise that wakes them from sleep — unlike normal human conversation and activities — because the dog is receiving ZERO training and is bidding for attention from its completely negligent owner. Telling someone they’re just SOL because they live and/or work an alternative schedule is such crap. They aren’t asking for unreasonable accommodation. The roommate should be doing the bare minimum to train, engage with, and discipline the poor dog who is clearly acting out because it needs attention. Taking away the hard toys in the mornings is not a difficult or unreasonable solution. Literally nothing about this makes OP an AH in any way.
> I’ve talked to the friend/roommate that brought me in about it, as well as mentioning it to Sam’s partner (also a roommate), and I believe I recall telling Dakota, though I’m unsure there.
>The time the banging happens is anywhere from 6AM to 11AM. I don’t want to ask too much from them, but to me it feels as if anything before 10AM isn’t reasonable.
>Quick edit to say that while I *would* bring things up to Sam themselves, there’s a number of things about them that make the thought of approaching them directly uncomfortable.
OP expects people to be quiet for half the day.
NTA.
I do feel terrible for the puppy though.
There are a few things I would suggest here. 1, it sounds like the puppy does need to be rehomed, but the owner is resistant. Taking a puppy to a shelter is really rough. Can you brainstorm between you and the other roommates (non owner) if ANYONE knows a person/ family who would be willing to take in the dog and give it a better home? A direct transfer might be more agreeable.
I know you said the dog is already crated way too much, but crating at night is also super normal. depending on the size of the dog, maybe you could set up more of a pen type area that has room for the pup to move around, with soft toys and chew toys, but will keep them contained to a specific area.
Is the dog sleeping in the owners room with the door closed? they should be, if they are annoying the whole house while owner is asleep. if so, tell owner he needs to buy rugs or carpet squares to cover the hard floor where the bone is being dropped.
putting the hard toys away until everyone is awake is also the BARE minimum owner can do.
finally, take all the steps you can to sound proof your room. i also deal with a lot of noise in my home, and i use a combo of two white noise machines, lectofan and dohm, paired with sound absorbing panels on the door, and a foam draft guard in the gap between the door and the floor. i also sleep with foam ear plugs. i can’t hear a gd thing.
good luck OP.
YTA. You can’t expect your other roommates to be quiet and not make noise in the morning. That is not a realistic expectation. Your weird sleep schedule is your problem not their problem. Ear plugs are an option.
Honestly, you’re best option is to jist find a way to move soon.
ESH
You because you expect every person in your house and the dog to accommodate your non-standard sleeping habit.
Sam for being a terrible dog-owner. Sam just wants the privilege of saying “I have a dog” but doesn’t want to be bothered with things like “feeding” or “training”.
Your other roommates for not calling Sam out for awful behavior and then failing to properly follow through with holding them accountable.
**ESH.**
Sam not prroviding the dog mental stimulation and care is unfair to the dog and annoying for everyone else.
**However, you are also at fault here.** You moved into a home where this dog already lived. You were warned there would be “rough spots.” While the toy-dropping is annoying, you are essentially a late addition to a pre-existing ecosystem. You don’t get to move into someone else’s space (especially when they were doing you a favor) and then demand the house change its fundamental rhythm to suit your needs.
This living situation isn’t a fit. You’re all frustrated with each other, and the best move for everyone is for you to find a place that actually accommodates your needs.