One of my close friends is celebrating her birthday this weekend and planned a group dinner at a fairly expensive restaurant. I checked the menu and most entrees are $50+ not including drinks, tax, or tip.
She made it clear that everyone is expected to pay for themselves and chip in for her meal as well. Normally I wouldn’t mind, but money is a bit tight for me right now due to some unfortunate events and she is aware of that. and this dinner would seriously stretch my budget.
I politely told her I wouldn’t be able to make it and suggested we do something smaller another day, like coffee or lunch, so I could still celebrate her. She got upset and said that birthdays are once a year and that if I cared, I’d make it work.
Now some mutual friends are saying I’m being cheap and unsupportive, and that I should’ve just gone and ordered something small or put it on a credit card.
I feel bad, but I also don’t think I should go into debt for someone else’s birthday dinner.
AITA for skipping the dinner because of the cost?
NTA and you need better friends
NTA, if it’s not in your budget it’s not possible. your friend is not the AH for wanting to celebrate at this specific place but she is ( and your other friends are) for not understanding that this is an expensive place and it’s definitely not ok to ask someone to go into debt over a dinner
NTA – I was flat broke for my best friend of almost 20 years’ 31st bday last month. We had planned to go to our favorite restaurant for months but she knew my financial situation so we settled on something more affordable. Still had a bitchin night our first time at a Chili’s together. How old is she turning? Sounds like a very young person thing to do, be so selfish & not accommodating. In this economy, you gotta prioritize your budget. I still went over my budget for my bestie’s bday but she was willing to help me in return later on. Friendship has to have some give & take, even on your special day.
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***”I was going to say “yeah you should’ve at least went and ordered something small””***
\—Murphy’s law dictates that everyone else will order like crazy, one of friends will suggest splitting the bill and then they all harp on the author for only wanting to pay for her own share. Even if a separate check is requested up front, the author will be given shit for that as well.
NTA. Stick to your budget. Unless she’s turning 21 or another landmark, nobody cares about birthdays. Your friends are being ridiculous.
What kinds of friends are these people?
The kind that will order a shit load of expensive items and then expect the author to split the bill despite ordering the most meager offering available.
NTA “make it work” goes both ways in a friendship. If my friend talks about not being able to due to not being able to afford because she is paying for things outside of her control and asking for different day to celebrate I wouldve understand!
Its not like she is demanding they go somewhere else wtf!?
NTA her birthday is not a higher priority than you paying your bills.
In this economy?! You’re being uncaring, cheap & unsupportive? Let them think what they want… find friends who’s values align with yours.
Imagine the next friend & the one after does the same if not more for their birthdays. You’d be stuck in a financial mess. NTA.
NTA and credit cards aren’t supposed to be for some fancy dinner. Those are emergency funds in my books. You can just as well turn this around that if they were your friend then they’d make it work. It’s easy to spend other people’s money freely.
NTA . You need better friends
NTA, and remember, this is an invitation, not a summons. No one gets to take away your right to say ‘no’.
Also, good job not just putting it on a credit card. It’s easy to do that ‘just one time’ and eventually paying more than you can afford in interest. And why should you have to pay extra (the interest) for someone else’s party, anyway?