So this is a weird one and I genuinely don’t know if I handled it wrongly.
My younger sister is 20 years old and she Recently moved back in with our parents after a breakup. I’m 24 year old living about 20 minutes away from home but visits often because my parents are old and I help them with errands. My sister and I were never very close, but things between us were always okay.
The issue is that ever since she moved back, she keeps acting like I’m supposed to manage her life for her. It started small asking me to remind her of appointments, asking me to look over emails, asking me to drive her to pick up her car because she didn’t feel like dealing with Uber. It was really Annoying, but manageable.
Soon it escalated so fast. She began calling me while I was at work to ask where she left her wallet. She’d text me screenshots of arguments with her ex asking me to decode what he means. She even asked me to call her boss to say she would be late because she was too drained to speak professionally. I told her no, obviously.
Last weekend was the breaking point. I went to my parents house to drop off groceries. My sister had apparently booked a nail appointment across town and just assumed I’d drive her because I was to pass that same way. When I said I couldn’t because I was literally just stopping by and had groceries in my car that needed to go home she got upset and said I was abandoning her during a hard time. My mom tried to mediate, but my sister kept saying things like, If you cared, you’d help me get back on my feet. I lost my temper a bit and said, You’re an adult, not a toddler. I can support you, but I’m not your babysitter. She looked genuinely hurt and left to her room.
Now my dad thinks I could’ve phrased things more gently, and my mom says my sister has been really fragile since the breakup. But I feel like I’ve been more than patient, and it’s not fair to be expected to manage her life. I also don’t want to set a precedent that every time she has a crisis, I become the default caretaker just because I’m the dependable sibling.
My sister hasn’t spoken to me since except for one text that said, Good to know how you really see me.
I’m kind of unsure because I don’t want to be cold, but I also don’t want this dynamic where I’m basically her emotional and logistical manager.
AITA for telling her I’m not her babysitter?
NTA and your sister needs to grow up and start being independent. Please stop helping her with everything (or anything, quite frankly).
yeah i’ll stop helping her out, i really want her to grow up
NTA. Taking her to a nail appointment is not about “support” but entitlement. Even a “fragile” person has manners and enough sense to ask for a ride a head of time.
giving her a ride there wasn’t a problem for me, she feels it was my work to do so
which she’s no longer a kid
Is there a chance her ex was abusive or there is some kind of unresolved trauma? This sounds like regressive behavior. To the point she is looking for a pseudo mom/carer. If she wasn’t like this at any point before, I would be truly worried about her mental health. Early-mid 20s are also a prime time for certain mental health issues to poke their head out.
i’ll have to ask to be sure about this
NTA. Perhaps moving back home has reverted your sister back into a needy 16 yr old but that’s not your problem. She needs to grow up and take accountability for her own life.
NTA. Her ignoring you is what you wanted, right?
Nope, you are NTA. Your sister needs to end her little pity-party and put her big-girl pants back on.
Your sister is an adult. It’s time she grew up. Breakups will happen over and over, and she can’t collapse back into toddlerrhood after each one.
It’s how she sees herself that’s the problem. NTA
NTA. Give her a few weeks. When she needs you to do something for her she’ll be back asking you for favors and she will have conveniently forgotten how “wounded “ she was by your words.
Why is it always stories like this and the parents ALWAYS take the side of the other sibling who is insanely unreasonable. I just have a hard time believing this is real.
Her behavior is inappropriate and takes you completely for granted. Everyone hits rough patches and needs support. But that’s not a blank check to turn someone else into their personal assistant. A bad breakup doesn’t justify not being able to keep track of your wallet.
Could you have been nicer? Yes. But overall NTA.