I (49f) have a 16 year old son and an 18 year old daughter.
We’ve been looking for a car for him, but the problem is he doesn’t want any of the cars that I want him to buy. When I got my daughter a car, I got her a Lexus that was like 4-5 old at the time. She still has it.
I want my kids to have newer cars because of safety/reliablility, but my son wants me to buy him a shitbox Lexus or Acura, and give him the remaining money to “customize” the car (headlights, tint, etc according to him). I told him no, because it looks bad to me if my kid is driving around in something like that.
Me and him have been arguing back and forth about this for weeks, and I’ve repeatedly told him if he wants that type of car, he can buy it himself. Now that I am thinking about it, Im thinking I may be being too rigid, so I’m posting to see if I’m the asshoor. My son is pretty upset with me for refusing his car of choice.
AITA?
edit: For clarity, he wants a cheap car. Not a more expensive one than I proposed. And I should’ve included this, but he can’t really get a job because I don’t like them working during the school year. But he does get $60 a week in allowance
NTA
He should be grateful that you want to buy him a car. Many kids don’t have that luxury that their parents want to buy a car for them. He should be happy.
>I told him no, because it looks bad to me if my kid is driving around in something like that.
Looks bad to whom? Are you worried that people are going to judge you for what he drives?
NTA. He doesn’t get the savings. Before you buy the car, explain that you will set aside the savings as a fund for repairs and breakdowns, since they are likely to happen. Show him cost of repairs, and remind him the breakdowns tend to happen when least convenient.
But re-frame the argument. It’s not how it “looks” to others, but the reliability of transportation that you want him to understand.
If he wants to trick it out, that’s on him. Give him time to understand.
What did I just read??? NTA. Tell the choosy beggar to pay for a car himself if your choices aren’t up to his standards. You are being incredibly generous buying him a car in the first place. Does he realize how fortunate he is? If he wants a custom car, he should work and save for the one he wants. I got my brother’s hand me downs, and I was just grateful to have any car at all. My first car in the 80s was my parent’s old Pontiac Bonneville. They put me in that because it was built like a tank. I lucked out later with my brother giving me his old Dodge Charger.
Is he going to modify it to make loud noises? Because we have kids in our neighborhood who did this and yeah—I judge them and would judge their parents if I knew they gave them the funds to noise pollute our city.
Agree. Also I don’t think tinted up windows is a good idea for a new driver…
>I told him no, because it looks bad to me if my kid is driving around in something like that.
That stament makes you look like an AH.
I’m personally a little torn because I can understand wanting to just get him a reliable car that’s not going to require a bunch of maintenance and risk of breaking down somewhere or at some point and then having to go back and drive him places.
I also wouldn’t want to discourage a hobby that actually is practical in a sense because it teaches you how to work on your own car and there’s always big car communities around and ways to meet new people. I’m not sure if he has much experience with this prior? Do you guys have a space and tools where he could work on it? Does he understand that he will most likely spend more on parts and repairs than what the car cost? That if he does get a project it’s most likely going to spend the first 1/2 of it’s life in the garage being worked on?
I think NTA for wanting him to have a reliable vehicle to use for its intended purpose. I’d tell him if he gets a job then he can save up to buy a project/hobby car and the things he wants to do.
An Acura if maintained, is not a shitbox. A Lexus; however, in the words of my auto technician father, are good for business.
NTA… but why are you arguing? Your are the parent, aren’t you?
It’s simple
“The car budget it $xxxxx, any money not spent on the car will remain mine!!!
You are responsible for funding any and all changes you make to the car. If you continue to try to argue, there will be no car!!! The choice is yours!!!!!!!
This. I never argued with my son because I felt it implied that our relationship was one of peers.
That’s not the flex you think it is. Kids need to learn how to negotiate and discuss things with authority figures. You don’t want a kid to always obey what their boss tells them as an adult.
it’s complicated, there’s no simple right answer either direction. you don’t want to raise a child that obeys all authority, but you also don’t want to raise a child who believes that everything is just a battle of wills where if you complain long enough in a row you get what you want.
Are we really surprised that the dude buying his kids barely used Lexus’ as first cars has raised spoiled brats lol my first car was a Chevy Cruze I paid for my damn self
As the kid of working class parents who busted their asses to pay for half of a $1200 car in 1987, that I paid the other half of … I just can’t even wrap my mind around either you or your kid. Such privilege.