Throwaway Account , I’m 30M and i work in a mid-sized office, about 30-ish people total.
Last week an Susan 48F went around the office saying we were all chipping in for a birthday gift for a coworker( Jenna 38F or 37F not sure ) Anyways She works in a different department than me, and while I recognize her face we’ve maybe exchanged a few hellos in the hallway. We don’t work together and have never talked outside of that.
Susan (the organizer) suggested everyone pitch in $20 for a gift card and a cake.. I didn’t respond at first. Later that day, the Susan stopped by my desk and asked if I was in. I said I was going to pass, since I don’t really know Jenna and don’t usually participate in office gift collections unless it’s someone I work closely with.
She looked surprised and said, “It’s just $20 ” I told her I get that.. but it feels weird to me to pay for gifts for people I don’t have a relationship with. She kind of brushed it off and said okay, but after that things felt awkward.
Since then, a couple coworkers have been noticeably colder toward me, one even joked that I’m “that guy” (meaning who doesn’t put $20 in) , anyways I’m starting to wonder if I broke some unspoken office rule and came off as cheap or antisocial.
I don’t mind celebrating people I actually work with, but I also don’t think gift giving should be mandatory, especially for someone I barely know. AITA for saying no?
30ish x $20 would be $600. That would be quite the gift card and cake. Susan must be quite the party planner and quite the office gossip. Feel free to be that guy — the one who can do simple math and doesn’t contribute toward office celebrations for people in other departments whom he doesn’t actually know. The one who isn’t intimidated by Susan, who never ever should have told anyone else whether or not you contributed. (But don’t eat any of that gold-plated cake.) NTA
Yeah i bet it wasn’t 600 and she kept difference
Yep.
I actually wanted to bring that point because 600$ seemed insane for me but Susan plays this along the lines of a “cake” for the office (to be fair she buys 2 cakes) , ether ways most of the money goes on stupid expensive gifts she picks .
My fear though is that when its gonna be my birthday she will not do it , and that would be a big D move since i already put money for other co-workers birthdays .
Screw it, it’s not worth it even for the reciprocity. If she doesn’t do your b’day, bring a big box of donuts for your department only and change the tradition. Then maybe organize the party (as in refreshments, not some crazy-ass gift as picked out by Susan) for someone who’s on the same wavelength as you and an office friend. For which people can chip in 5 bucks or some sane amount for some sane refreshments for some sane number of people. Or maybe if your team goes out to lunch, the group can buy the birthday person’s lunch and drinks at the celebratory meal. Ending the ridiculous Susan plan.
Oh in that case YTA – I’m shocked you have an expectation of a birthday gift. So is Susan supposed to note down that you didn’t contribute to Jenna’s gift and not to approach Jenna to contribute to your birthday?! You expect her to only approach the people that she knows you contributed for throughout the year? And she’s supposed to do that for everyone? It’s cool not to participate in the birthday Round Robin, but by refusing to contribute you’re also saying I don’t want a birthday gift for my birthday and I’m cool with that.
It’s all or nothing bud, you either put in for all the birthdays, and everyone does for yours, or you don’t and they don’t. You chose not to pay, sorry your party is going to suck, but it should be pretty obvious why.
Two sheet cakes at the grocery store are…what? $80 if you go for something really fancy? Maybe $100?
Is she really going to give someone a $500 gift card, or is she going to take some of the money because she planned it?
Yeah. Your girl is running a scam, and making everyone accomplices.
The other part of the math is that with 30 people, that’s 2 or 3 each month. So it’s not a $20 once, its a new $50 a month bill.
I’d mention to you coworkers that 600 for cake and gifts seems like a lot for a coworkers birthday and if that’s the case for all of you then you’d be paying $600 personally a year. So you’d rather just do a card and chip in for a lunch out.
If everyone kicks in $600 per year for gifts, then everyone should also receive a gift card for $600 every year. Of course, this process is annoying and wasteful. Everyone should just keep their money and the office (petty cash) can purchase one cake per month for everyone’s birthday (during that month). If the office doesn’t want to buy 12 cakes, then just send an email birthday card.
NTA.
$20×30=$600.
Sounds like Susan is saving a lot of that money for herself.
Ask them what about Jenna makes her worth a $600 gift.
NTA. $20 is nuts. That’s $600 with 30 people, WTF are they planning on buying? My office would just pass around an envelope with a card in it. We’d sign it, drop a couple of quid in it, and it would would buy some flowers and a box of chocolates.
One job, the company provided a monthly cake and everyone who had a birthday that month was covered. Luckily no one was vegan or celiac or anything so it was very straightforward.