For years, I’ve been the person my family turns to whenever they need help, whether it’s financial support, last-minute favors, or emotional backup. At first, I was happy to be there for them, but over time it became expected rather than appreciated. Every time I tried to say no or prioritize my own needs, I was met with guilt trips and accusations of being selfish or uncaring.
Recently, I decided to set clear boundaries for my own mental health and well-being. That means saying no when I’m overwhelmed and not always dropping everything at their request. Some family members have called me selfish and accused me of abandoning them when they needed me most. Others treat my boundaries like they don’t exist and keep demanding the same level of availability as before.
I’m exhausted but also relieved because finally, I’m taking care of myself without constant guilt. If that makes me the asshole in their eyes, so be it, I can’t keep sacrificing my peace and energy for people who don’t seem to appreciate or respect it. Sometimes self-care means saying no, even when it hurts others to hear it.
NTA I’m proud of you for setting boundaries and sticking to them. Taking care of your mental health is important. And your family should care about that too. If they call you selfish, they’re the assholes. Boundaries are healthy and so so important and your family needs to respect that.
NTA. You can start treating them like toddlers. “I said that I was no longer able to give money or provide loans. I am also not able to help out on short notice. Every time one of you pushes back on these boundaries I will block you and go no contact for a week.” Rinse and repeat. They will eventually stop if you 100% stick to your rule.
I like your ideas, but only if it were that simple. I was raised to help out when you can even to the point of exhaustion.
I’m a carbon copy of my own mother . She did the same things for family and friends until the day she died.
NTA, setting boundaries is hard especially with family who refuse or are incapable of respecting them. Keep strong, don’t back down to them. They will either learn to respect your boundaries or need to except you distancing yourself. I read a quote once that I always tell myself and others “The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none.” Anyway, sorry your family can’t seem to respect your boundaries, and hope they learn to at some point.
I’m that person too. Good luck to you if you can set boundaries with your family or friends as far as helping them out..
I’ve been trying to do this for about 60 yrs. I’m also chronically ill yet that certainly doesn’t stop friends and family from asking me to help them out.
Just once in a while, I’d love to have somebody tell me that they appreciate what I’ve done for them . That’s a forgone conclusion.
While I feel like it ok when helping them out, It’s the same thing as being used. . Just so you know, this happens on a daily basis most of the time except when I get up the courage to tell them no. ( today is a NO day. I’m simply too tired to go out and run errands for anybody.)
Should I tell them no? LOL. Absolutely but it probably won’t happen.🤔
However, OP if you can really set boundaries and stop some of this, I applaud you