AITA for refusing to give my uncle his gift?
About two hours ago my aunt is getting ready to head out and asks me if im going to give my uncle his Christmas gift since she saw it yesterday. Mind you my uncle is in the next room. I look at her and then him and pretend I don’t know what she is talking about. After she leaves I text her "the day I give a cheater a gift on any holiday is the day I die".
Yesterday when I got home at about 7 am she tells me he has been cheating on her for a few months with a woman who has been in the house before. And that the girlfriend of the girl he was talking to had called her and that he didn’t come home until 4 am (he is usually home by 11).
She then told me that I shouldn’t be mad at him and referenced when she emotionally cheated 10 years ago when they first started dating. But I reminded her that that’s not the issue. The issue is that he has been making the choice for months to cheat on her and instead of talking or coming clean he had her and his mom worrying about him thinking his mental health was worsening. His mom was literally calling his job checking on him. And the whole time he was cheating.
She then said that I shouldn’t be rude and that this is the reason she doesn’t tell anyone things but quite frankly I don’t understand. I dont understand either side maybe im just missing something, maybe its just being aroace, or on being on the spectrum, or from seeing my mom constantly cheating. But I just don’t want to be around or give things to them. So AITA?
Info: how is your uncle cheating on your aunt somehow different from your aunt cheating on your uncle??
one was “emotional” when they first started dating, and one was physical long after marriage. both are bad, but one is definitely worse.
I never said it was different. Different types of cheat, yes.. but cheating is cheating. I just feel that her bringing up that as a means to persuade me into giving him a gift isn’t really the best way to go about it.
I feel like it was more her bringing it up to point out that you’re excusing one person for doing something while condemning another for doing the same thing.
There’s a lot of difference between an emotional affair early in a relationship and the kind of active lying and betrayal of maintaining an physical affair later on in a relationship.
It’s pretty easy to fall into an emotional affair, it starts off feeling like a friendship, the connection grows, and then you suddenly realize this person matters to you in a different way, that you’re getting emotional needs fulfilled in a way that is better suited to a romantic relationship, and that maybe you want to go that extra step. That’s the point you realize you’re having an emotional affair.
To actively lie and find time to be with someone physically, you KNOW what you’re doing is wrong, you know you’re cheating. It doesn’t sneak up on you. It’s an intentional choice from the start.
An emotional affair can turn physical, but more often, people learn an important lesson from it. They never go the extra little bit. He went that extra bit and more.
You cannot decide whose cheating was “worse”, it’s their relationship. And of course you can take some distance to them, you are not obligated to witness their relationship drama
NTA. You’re not obligated to play happy family and hand over a present five minutes after finding out he’s been cheating. Especially when he lied for months and let everyone worry about him. That’s gross behavior and it’s fair to not want to reward it
Gifts are not obligatory.
They second they are, its payment.
NTA
But your Aunt is for dragging you into their personal lives.
NTA. It’s really you aunt’s business how she chooses to live and the nature of her relationship with her husband. Because of that, and if your family is going to socialize with them, I think it’s appropriate to be polite, but I don’t think you have to be “friendly” in a situation like this.
NTA. And it sounds like your aunt is in denial. She may make up with him. It’s their relationship. I would advise you to get some space.
Yeah she did mention something about if its what God wants for her. But I didn’t continue after that because it started to feel like I wasn’t talking to the aunt I know but the crazy religious side of the family.
NTA. Cheating is disgusting I don’t even read it stories. Trash actions for trash people.