I have a group of friends I’ve known for a while. For the past 2–3 months, they’ve been regularly asking me to go out drinking with them. The issue is that I don’t really drink, I don’t enjoy being around drunk people, and I definitely don’t enjoy being the only sober one babysitting everyone else.
To me, going out and getting wasted doesn’t sound fun or like a good way to bond. I’ve said no multiple times for this reason. Two other friends in the group were also uncomfortable with this kind of hangout, but they eventually gave in and go occasionally due to pressure.
One of my close friends feels the same way I do about drinking culture, even on events like New Year’s Eve. Since she stopped going, she’s basically stopped receiving invitations altogether. Meanwhile, I’m still being asked repeatedly.
Now they’re pushing especially hard for New Year’s Eve. I already have plans that day, so I told one of my friends no again. He got really angry and accused me of always ducking out of hangouts and avoiding the group. From my perspective, I’m not avoiding them, I’m avoiding an activity I don’t enjoy and have been clear about.
I feel like I’m being pressured into something I’m uncomfortable with, but now I’m wondering if I’m being unfair or a bad friend by not showing up.
AITA?
Info: do they know the reason you are declining their invitations?
NTA You’re not refusing your friends. you’re refusing an activity that you’ve repeatedly stated that you don’t like
as someone who recently stopped drinking after being someone who would go out 7 days a week, NTA. while being out isn’t necessarily triggering to you, you don’t enjoy it. that’s it period don’t feel bad!
NTA. Tell them plainly that you’re happy to hang out with them when they’re not drinking, but you’re just not into drinking and hanging out with drunk people anymore.
Drunk people are a lot less fun when you’re not drinking, and there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be around them. It sounds like you’re just outgrowing your old friends. It sucks, but it’s part of life. ❤️
NTA You made it clear its not them just the activity. If you don’t like to drink then you don’t like to drink, it isn’t your fault if they struggle to accept thag
Sounds like you’ve matured a bit more than your mates. And some never get there. In addition to not feeling poorly afterwards, you probably have better uses for the funds that went to overpriced alcohol.
NTA, but may need to find different folks to be friends with. Don’t let the “crab mentality “ pull you back in the pot.
Clarifying question – have you told them why you’re not hanging out with them and tried planning something non alcohol related that they’ve ditched?
NTA – you are absolutely right about most drinkers. Not fun when you are sober. Just say, dude, I have plans, sorry, how about we meet up for breakfast or brunch the next day and you can tell me all about it. Trust me, they will decline… and you can say the same thing back to them.
Nta. Maybe invite them to come do something else instead?
NTA – But if your friends drink at every activity and you don’t, maybe you need to reconsider the relationship in general. Find friends who don’t drink.
But there are also ways to manage it. Like accept the invitation and go. Stay for a couple of hours. When they start to get wasted, leave and go home. Not every activity with friends has to be an all night event. That way you still get to keep in touch and enjoy their company when they’re not completely wasted.
INFO
Do you ever invite them to hang out to do non-drinking activities?
NAH, but make sure you
– Communicate clearly and respectfully that you want to hang out with them, but that the activity isn’t for you.
– Invite them to do something you want to do.
Otherwise, everyone will just get frustrated and you’ll lose friends.