I (18M) have a friend who has learning disabilities. I’ve helped him a lot with homework and studying because I hate seeing him or even people in general stressed, and I’m kind of a people-pleaser.
Yesterday we had a really important human bio exam, and he straight-up asked me if I could help him cheat a little during the test. Obviously I said no. But I’m conflicted because I’ve helped him before within sharing notes and parts of my assignment (which isn’t allowed). But regardless I’ve never cheated for anyone, and I didn’t want to risk getting in trouble this time..
Everything hit the fan atp, he started saying I was “selfish” and “not a real friend.” Some people in the hallway even saw and gave me bad looks. I feel bad because I don’t want him to fail, and I get that he has disabilities… but at the end of the day I also feel like I shouldn’t compromise my own integrity.
So AITA for refusing to help my friend cheat on an exam even though he has learning disabilities and I’ve always helped him before (not to the extent he’s asking of me now.)?
P.s- I just realised I wrote she in the title. Soz it’s a guy. 😭
NTA he can ask for accommodations for his disability
NTA
If he has learning differences then he can ask for accommodations from his learning provider.
Sharing notes is one thing, blatantly asking you to help them cheat on an exam is something entirely different. That puts your education at risk. If you get caught helping him cheat you could get expelled. Not that he seems to care.
That’s not a friend.
NTA. What will he do in his next class that builds upon the info he is cheating through? Or even the final exam? He is a terrible friend for putting you at a big risk of getting in trouble and then shaming you for standing up for yourself. If he has learning disabilities, he can (and should) be getting accommodations from the school. These accommodations will help him and are good to have on record in case he needs them for further testing or schooling.
NTA.
Everyone is always “but they try so hard and we want everyone to succeed!” until they get a nurse at their bedside who can’t calculate dilutions.
That is a good point
I work as an exams officer for a special needs school, there are so many access arrangements and reasonable adjustments available now. One thing to remember is that these arrangements are designed to give the candidate a level playing field, so that they have an equal and fair chance as those who don’t require access arrangements.
Ultimately, if you help someone to cheat, not only are you risking their grade (if found out) you also risk your own. On top of that, you are not helping them, if they are actually struggling they should be speaking to their course leader, otherwise they will end up further behind and struggling even more.
You are being a good friend and most definitely not the asshole.
Thanks. I think it’s really good to get advice from an exam officer. It sucks because I’m all for helping. I love teaching people stuff but it’s just REALLY conflicting when I’m put in that place
Helping people is fine, going through notes and discussing what has been learnt, can be a fantastic way to revise (for you as well as your friend) but cheating risks your education, their education and can cause problems for the learning provider (and the exams officer a ridiculous amount of paperwork…)
I would encourage them to speak to their course leader and see what other help they may be entitled to.
If they are not interested, please do not risk your own future for them, anyone prepared for you to do this is not your friend.
NTA — even with learning disabilities, cheating is cheating. It hurts them in the end.
> Some people in the hallway even saw and gave me bad looks
Yeah, people dont like noise in hallways. Get a backbone and train saying no.
NTA. Cheating is dishonest; it is not helping. Your friend should seek accommodations for their learning disabilities.
NTA.
Is there a disability / student support department at the institution you are at? If they are having trouble with examinations, they need to get in contact with support staff who can put a learning support plan in place, and provide them with any accommodations that they are able to.
This may also be useful going forward more generally to assist them during the lessons.
(I am a notetaker and sighted guide, and I assist students with impairments so facilitate them studying on their own terms.)
NTA Helping him with homework is one thing. Doing his homework for him is cheating and could cause problems for you.
Helping him cheat on a exam could really screw up your academics including losing your chance to attend the college you want.
Edit: typo
*I’ve helped him before within sharing notes and parts of my assignment (which isn’t allowed). But regardless I’ve never cheated for anyone,*
If you’ve shared parts of your assignment with him, knowing that it isn’t allowed, then you HAVE already cheated for him. Cheating doesn’t suddenly become not-cheating when it’s part of an assignment rather than an exam.
*I also feel like I shouldn’t compromise my own integrity.*
You already have compromised your own integrity. And you need to stop, right now.
His work needs to be HIS own work. By helping him cheat, you are doing him no favors, either in his future coursework, or in his future career. And that’s quite apart from the fact that YOU could get caught, and you will suffer a harsh academic penalty if you do. You could even be kicked out of your course.
If he has learning disabilities which prevent him doing the work himself, then that’s something he needs to discuss with his teachers. There may be certain accommodations they can make for him, such as giving him extra time during an exam. Or there may not, in which case he’s enrolled in the wrong course and he needs to find something better suited to his abilities. Either way, it’s nothing to do with you.
*he started saying I was “selfish” and “not a real friend.”*
Ignore what he says. HE is the one not being a real friend to YOU.
I should vote Y-T-A for the cheating you’ve already done, but as long as you never do it again, I’ll vote NTA.