My girlfriend and I live together and one thing I’ve noticed for the last few months, we’ll make plans weeks in advance then when it gets to the day of the plans she’ll say she can’t afford it and cancel.
It’s becoming a fairly regular occurrence and it’s getting frustrating. I’ve pointed out if looks like she’s deliberately doing it to expect me to pay since she still ends up buying clothes and other things during the month after she supposedly doesn’t have the money for our plans.
She said I was wrong and she can’t help if she doesn’t have the money but I just pointed out she should budget for the plans when we make them so she isn’t cancelling regularly a few hours before the plans.
She said I was being harsh and she can’t help not being able to afford it but I pointed out she can help it if she just budgets. I said I me she couldn’t afford it then she wouldn’t be buying other things for herself during the month but she just said that was different.
I said if she doesn’t start budgeting her money properly I’m just going to stop making plans completely because I’m done having plans cancelled or needing to pay for everything we do because decided she can’t afford it just before the plans.
She said I was being harsh towards her and that it’s not her fault.
AITA for telling her to budget her money better?
NTA and don’t marry this woman unless this gets sorted out.
NTA, but I think “She’s just not that into you”
The great thing about dating is that you learn if you are compatible. If you are, great, if you aren’t, you move on. You aren’t compatible, and you learned this before you are married. It hurts but it’s time to move on.
To be blunt, it sounds like she *is* budgeting. She is skipping the planned activity so she can buy new clothes. That’s prioritizing right there. Your plans just aren’t the first priority.
Your options are:
1. Stop making plans because they might get cancelled and only go out on a whim.
2. Only make plans you are ready to pay in full or you are fine with being cancelled on the last minute (maybe because you have alternative plan or are ok with going alone if she does not join you).
3. Realize you are not a priority here and end the relationship, so you can be ready for someone to come along you *are* a priority for.
None of these choices makes you an asshole. You not being a priority for her does not make her an asshole *as such* either, but since it does not sound like she is entirely clear on you about her preferences, you get an NTA.
There’s two types of budgeting
1. Deciding what makes the most sense for you to spend your money on _right now_.
2. Planning ahead… Not spending money on less important things, because there’s more important things later. And not committing to spending on things later because you have other expenses
She’s doing the former, but not the latter.
Repeatedly telling someone you will you do something with them and then cancelling at the last might because you couldn’t plan ahead… makes you the AH.
NTA
NTA, “I can’t help it” is the most childish excuse here, of course she can help it she just doesn’t want to. Your girlfriend is immature and unreliable.
Exactly this. ‘I can’t help it’ is just code for ‘I don’t wanna take responsibility.’ If you’re old enough to live with a partner, you’re old enough to budget. Simple.
Financial compatibility is one thing you should be looking for in a relationship. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of frustration if you aren’t on the same or even similar pages. She isn’t going to suddenly change her whole mindset to match yours, so if this is important to you, you have some thinking to do.
NTA but does it matter? This isn’t going away.
NTA.
Your girlfriend doesn’t know how to live within her means. She doesn’t want the help to fix that.
Whatever you do, don’t marry her or buy property with her.
You live together?
Can I ask how you split rent and bills vs how much you both make?
Also, and it does have to be asked because of all the men that came before you, how old is your girlfriend and how old are you? I dont mean to be offensive but unfortunately it is relevant
I am TERRIBLE with money, but when we make plans I sent my partner the money I know I’ll want for it so I don’t end up spending it. Yes I am an adult but I have zero impulse control, and he doesn’t mind as he’d rather that than either having to pay for me or cancel.
NTA till she figures it out
Not the asshole she definitely wants you to pay for stuff. She just doesn’t wanna say.
NTA but you might want to rethink this relationship. The options are:
– She isn’t saving because she is selfish & expects you to pay.
– She doesn’t actually want to do the things you have planned & is using money as an excuse not to do them.
– She isn’t saving because she has poor impulse control and cannot stop buying the things she wants when she wants them.
So you have to decide if you want to be with someone who is either selfish/greedy or who is unable to communicate with you or who is simply bad with money. All of those things are reasonable reasons to break up.
NTA. “It isn’t her fault…” whose fault is it?