So, my girlfriend and I have been together for about two and a half years, and she just moved in with me a week ago. Things have been going pretty great overall, but we already hit our first real snag. When she moved in, I realized she barely brought anything with her, literally just her clothes and some makeup. That’s pretty much it. I didn’t really mind at first; she’s been using my stuff around the apartment, shampoo, tissues, snacks, the basics, and I’m totally cool with sharing all of that. But then, she used my Mbzoey electric shaver. I’m not going to get into what she used it for (TMI), but the fact that she used it at all really grossed me out. To me, an electric razor is strictly a personal hygiene thing. It’s not like sharing a bottle of hand soap or something. I feel like some personal items just shouldn’t be shared, no matter how close you are. We had a bit of an argument about it. She thinks I’m being way too sensitive or petty, but honestly, it has zero to do with money. It’s about personal boundaries and hygiene. I would never even dream of using her personal care stuff without asking first. I’m not trying to be a jerk, but I feel like some things just aren’t meant to be shared. We haven’t really talked much for the last day, and I’m starting to second-guess myself. Did I overreact? How can I explain to her that this isn’t about being selfish, but just that certain things feel super personal? I’d really appreciate some outside perspective.
This isn’t /r/Boundaries
NTA
Body fluids, shed skin cells, cross contamination, nicks and cuts, staph infections and other nasties.
You could be generous and buy her a good electric razor or you could side eye your toothbrush and ask what else she’s been ‘sharing’.
NTA. As a girl myself I cringed a bit knowing that there is no way I would use an electric shaver for my legs, and there is pretty much only one area where I could actually use it…you are right to be upset , my dude, your girl should get her own damn razor.
NTA. Electric shavers are personal hygiene items, I think this is a pretty standard boundary. The real issue is she moved in with almost nothing and is defaulting to using your stuff without asking. Worth having that broader conversation before it becomes a pattern.
Imagine her using the electric shaver in her… then u use it on your mouth
I’m curious if the girlfriend would be okay if OP uses the washcloth she uses for her face to wash his junk. I’d guess no.
Then she’s wondering why she’s getting an acne breakout
NTA. I would personally be grossed out by it too, and others wouldn’t. What matters though, and it doesn’t bode well imo, is that she got upset with you for not being ok with it. Whether or not she agrees with you, she had a choice to respect your boundaries. A simple “ah ok, I didn’t think it was a big deal but now that I know it bothers you I won’t do that again” is a healthy response.
I don’t like it when people can only respect boundaries that make sense to them personally….
NTA that’s not something you share, it’s not just gross it’s like actually dangerous. My friend ended up in hospital because she used her boyfriends razor and her leg got infected
OK it’s time for you to sit down and have a conversation about house etiquette.
This can be an opportunity for you both to talk about expectations, house rules, cleaning rota, boundaries etc. So you both understand what might be a problem. Things as simple as agreeing on notice for inviting people to visit etc.
Make notes!
NTA
NTA. If you aren’t comfortable with sharing, she should respect the boundary. It’s as simple as that.
Omg vomit that’s disgusting! I hope you are not in for more gross surprises. I would be a little worried that she was so dismissive of your concerns. She doesn’t have to agree with you, she just needs to respect your boundaries around YOUR personal care items. I have been living with my husband for 17 years, we have two kids that gave birth to, so he has seen a lot of gross stuff related to me—we would never use each other’s razors! You’re scraping off all sorts of things when you shave. No one should be sharing that.
NTA In addition to what others have said, this setup in general seems like “What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is…well, I don’t really own any shit so oh well.” She needs to buy some of her own stuff and contribute some shared resources. She’s pushing back on the shaver because otherwise she’ll have to buy her own. Couples don’t have to share everything.
MOR
Define reacted “strongly”.
I have a feeling her concerns have nothing to do with razors.
NTA – but mainly because she didn’t ask. I guess it depends on the shaver but my partner and I share an electric shaver and it’s waterproof so incredibly easy to clean. It would only be unhygienic if you don’t clean it after every use?