I (42M) am the father of 2 children (16M and 13F). For the past few years, my children have been very conflicted about what they want for Christmas. They struggle to come up with present ideas for our family, and often times will just ask for money. While lots of my family is perfectly fine with just giving them some money and maybe something small just to have something to unwrap on Christmas, my MIL does not believe in giving out money. She bought my son a reasonably priced baseball bat and also gave him one of his grandfathers nice golden watches. On the other hand, she bought my daughter a $450 Dyson Hair Dryer. While my daughter was obviously very happy about this, both me and my wife realized the price of the gift. When my wife confronted her about this, she claimed that she had expected a form of reimbursement since it was the only thing she could find that she expected my daughter to enjoy. This is when I stepped in and said she could have gotten something much cheaper if she wasn’t looking to spend lots of money, and made it very clear that we were not paying for her purchase. This led to a small fight that lingered for the rest of the day. While I am obviously very grateful for everything she does for my family, and I know she truly does care about the kids and just wanted to make them happy, I feel I have no obligation to pay something she chose to buy.
NTA,
You should be under no obligation to pay anything back especially a christmas gift. MIL is completely in the wrong here, and her point of view is kinda insane.
NTA, christmas gifts are GIFTS, you should not be expected to pay for a gift that was given to your daughter. even if your daughter wanted that, i’m sure your MIL could have found something else your daughter would like, or she could have discussed the price/splitting costs with you and your wife beforehand. you shouldn’t have to feel guilty, who buys someone a christmas gift then asks for money for it?
ETA. Make an attempt to give relatives more guidance in gift giving. You are closer to knowing what your kid age groups talk about – give them the ideas. Would your MIL agree to give to their college or job training accounts? If not, and she loves to shop, you have to give her ideas, sizes and send photos of nice sweaters or whatever they wear. Board game ideas. Video game titles if they like them.
A shared gift is great but only when discussed first and agreed upon. No surprise bills.
If I can’t give you a good idea of a gift you don’t go buy one of the mor expensive consumer products you can find.
My wife is over 40 and I bought her a Dyson hair dryer a few years ago. It’s not a gift for a teenager.
NTA. She can’t buy an expensive present without consulting you and then expect you to contribute to it.
NTA that’s ridiculous behavior on her part. The only exception I’d make on me intervening is if she was genuinely going to go without food or be unable to pay rent and in that case I’d speak with my kid and we’d return or sell the item to give the money back. And if it came to that, then I’d probably say no presents anymore unless they are handmade or under $20 in future.