I do the majority of the work in the kitchen, whether that’s cooking or cleaning. Probably 95% or more. Two years ago my wife bought me a $110 Japanese chef’s knife for Christmas. The first expensive knife I have ever owned. I have been babying it as much as possible, washing it by hand immediately after use instead of throwing it in the dish washer.
My wife, however, treats it like a $5 Walmart knife on the rare occasion she cooks. She leaves it unwashed on the counter even after cutting lemons. Acid is especially bad for these knives which pit and rust easily. She also uses it to cut through plastic packaging. I’ve asked her to be nicer a number of times. It makes no impact.
Today she was making a breakfast and I found her slicing through a plastic cheese wrapping. I asked her (again) to please not do this because it dulls the knife and she knows it. She said ok. A minute later she needs to open a sausage package. I said, you’re going to use the expensive knife again aren’t you?” She turns to me and says “what should I use to open this then?” I said “there are supposed to be scissors in the kitchen. Where are they?” “Are the scissors going to be clean enough to cut?” “Use one of the other cheap knives, then!” There’s two of them behind her in the cabinet and I’m sure she knows it. This just comes off to me as weaponized incompetence.
So I say “I know you want to use the good knife. Just do it.” “No, I just want to know what you want me to use” and then she cuts the sausage packaging with the good knife.
I said “you know, this is like if I took one of your expensive dresses and mopped the floor with it and when you caught me I said ‘what else was I supposed to use?” This was met with “I don’t know why you’re going on about this”. Our adult kid witnessed all this and says “She gave you the knife, she can use it however she wants”.
So I’m a petty a-hole for wanting people to treat my gift nicely for my own copious use of it in the kitchen to make them all food. I am now hiding it in a cabinet and will continue to do so after each time I use it. I’m sure I’m an a-hole for that too.
Yta
NTA. You might as well give up on the knife. It’s hers now.
NTA, and it’s because you do 95% of the cooking and cleaning in the kitchen. If she was running the kitchen, I’d say to leave it alone. But your reaction is a bit passive aggressive. To resolve the issue instead of being “right,” you could get her a pair of kitchen shears that get stored in plain sight in a knife block. If there are other underlying tensions going on, address those too.
I wasn’t the cook my late husband was, and I hand-washed every good knife we had. I think you should safeguard your knife. It was a gift to you after all. It doesn’t matter if she paid for it. Is it your gift or not?
Buy a second Japanese knife for $110.
This knife is your knife. Keep it in the box, and put the box in a hard to reach place. Put your name on the knife handle so there’s no question that this is your knife.
Sorry, but just because you bought somebody something doesn’t make it yours to with as you wish. I dare you to go grab an item you bought for your son out of his room and use it anyway you want. After all, you bought it, you should be able to do whatever you want with it. I think he’ll get the point pretty quickly.
As for your wife, tell her that she’s got her own knife now to use anyway she wants.
NTA, hide your knife so only you use it. That’s what I did with my expensive knives.
ESH
NTA. Hide the knife. I was the same with the Japanese knives (even using them for my Amazon packages!) my husband and kids bought me until I went to a proper Japanese knife store in SF and for some reason that’s when I got it. 🤷🏽♀️
I also buy all kinds of scissors and leave them around the house where I think people will need them. You can tie the handle of one to a cabinet so it doesn’t walk away.
NTA I’m a chef, I hate if someone picks up one of my good knives and used it to cut cardboard or something else it wasn’t intended for.
NTA as a seamstress I feel you. Fabric scissors are much the same in that if they are used for anything other than fabric they get super dull and fabric requires a very sharp blade or else you risk ruining the weave or causing excess fraying. I have never met a fellow seamstress who won’t bite your head off for using her fabric scissors on paper.
It’s YOUR knife, that you got as a gift. Your wife doesn’t get to use it just because she bought it, that’s not how gifts work. It’s your knife and you get to decide how it gets used.
My suggestion is to hide the knife whenever you aren’t using it. If your wife can’t respect YOUR belongings then she doesn’t get to use them.
You’re kindof the asshole… I was a line cook for the better part of a decade, started in bars and stuff but got more serious and well learned towards the end and started buying nicer knives and gear, so I get where you’re coming from.
I get it, Japanese blades nick if you look at them wrong, but it was a gift and she did give it to you. Either let her ruin it and learn by natural consequence, or bar others from using it altogether (as I do with my main chef blade).
I have a knife block with cheap knives that I keep sharp and honed for anyone gracing my kitchen to use as they will, dishwasher or whatever. The paring knife I use to open all packaging but the whole set is kept sharp, and despite their abuse I use them all the time and they’re more than fine. MY blade stays in its protector and I only really bring it out if I have heavy preparation like a pot of veggies or cleaning a couple bird carcasses.
Maybe buy her a blade of her own? If she likes to do such devilry with her steel I’d recommend german. It’ll hold up better. I love my 8” Wusthof and nobody touches it but me, and they do make them with Japanese style blade profiles but they still have more body to the blade itself. They ran about $80-100 last I checked, but it’s been years.
If it were ever to get damaged and need a fresh edge cut please for the love of all that is holy DO NOT take it to a place that offers free sharpening, they use a machine that eats an unnecessary amount of steel off your blade and they’re known for chipping and destroying the thinner profiled Japanese blades. Find someone comfortable with a stone or take the time to learn yourself. You’ll do less damage with a stone and you few youtube tutorials than someone who doesn’t care about it would do with a machine.
Get a pair of kitchen shears for cutting food-related items and keep them easily accessible in the kitchen, in a separate place than the scissors. Keep a box cutter or two around also, for non-food items. This is my system, and it works well for us.
Weaponized incompetence, plain and simple.
NTA
NTA. Everyone knows to not use my fabric scissors to cut anything but fabric. It also applies to the expensive knives.