I (23F) recently got engaged to my boyfriend (35M). A few days later, my future MIL invited me over to “talk wedding plans.” Instead, she brought out her old wedding dress and told me she had always hoped her son’s future wife would wear it. I could tell the dress meant a lot to her, but it’s very old-fashioned, not my style, and honestly just doesn’t fit the type of wedding I’m planning. I thanked her for showing it to me and told her that I appreciated the offer, but I had always imagined choosing my own dress. Well, she got upset and said she thought it was a family tradition and that she saved the dress specifically for this moment. Later, she told my fiancé that I “rejected her.” Now he says I should’ve at least tried it on so her feelings wouldn’t be hurt.
I truly didn’t mean to upset anyone…I just want to pick a dress that feels like me and makes me confident. AITA for saying no???
UPDATE: My Fiancé has stood by my decision since telling him how I feel. He wasn’t expecting me to actually wear her dress, he just wanted to make her happy. He also expressed that he knows it’s our wedding and not hers so whatever decision we make will be completely up to us!
Sweetheart, you have a fiance problem. His mother’s disappointment over her inability to convince you to live out her fantasy should not lead to him catering to her feelings over yours regarding your wedding dress! If you had tried it on, it would have just increased the pressure on you to choose it instead of choosing your own dress and style.
I’m wondering in what other areas he prioritizes keeping her happy over keeping you happy. Your feelings in your marriage should be the number 1 priority, not hers!
And to be honest it’s a bit creepy that she wants to see her son marry a woman wearing his mother’s wedding dress. Boy Mom ick vibes.
NTA.
Is this a wedding craze, or is MIL and your fiancee more often like this? Because yellow/red flag.
The age gap is another.
I hope this is what you want and that you’ll have a lovely life and wedding!
NTA
And I encourage you to take a deeper look at the relationship between your bf and his mother.
There’s a reason why a 35 year old man is marrying a woman 12 years his junior, and she may be a big part of it.
If he’s going to put her feelings ahead of yours, he’s not the one.
You deserve better.
Nta, he can wear it if her feelings mean that much to him.
I love how she called it a tradition when she didn’t wear her MIL’s dress.
NTA. Your future mother-in-law didn’t wear HER mother-in-law‘s dress, so she can hardly claim it’s a tradition. I would’ve tried it on just for fun, told her what I had in mind for my wedding dress and invited her to go shopping with me, assuming you have an otherwise good relationship with her.
No, you are not at all. Your MIL shouldn’t have been upset even if her own daughter didn’t want to wear her wedding dress. It is NOT a tradition to wear a future MIL’s wedding dress. It is not even a tradition to wear your own mother’s wedding dress.
And no, you shouldn’t have tried it on. That would have just made her even more disappointed.
And this is insight into the rest of your life with this woman. Really think about that before you walk down the aisle
hey you need to pop the brakes on this engagement. if a thirty five year old man hasn’t cut the apron strings from Mama, you’re in for a ROUGH TIME as his wife.
she could live another 20-30 years and probably have a lot of opinions on the way you raise your kids, keep your house, spend your money, what kind of work you do, how you spend your free time, where and how you spend your holidays… and your “man” will not protect you from ANY of it, bc he is still emotionally dependent on her.
you are young. there will be other suitors, don’t be in too big a hurry to hustle down the aisle with a dude whose heart really belongs to Mama. It seldom ends well.
A family tradition? Did SHE wear HER mother-in-law’s old dress? Honestly I don’t know how people can stomach wedding planning drama.
23 and 35? Yikes.
Perhaps women his own age wouldn’t put up with his overbearing mother and his willingness to put her before his partner.
Is there a reason you are engaged to a man 12 years your senior? Sounds like women his own age won’t tolerate his mother’s antics. NTA but he is, plus he’s gross…
23 and 35 is insane