So for context, my mum struggles a lot with her mental health. Me (15F) and my brother (18M) heavily rely on her as she’s our only parent. For as long as i can remember, my mum never really showed me and my brother love. She would never say words like "i’m proud of you" and would NEVER hug us but that was fine until it got worse. My mum has had a girlfriend for around 5 years who she really likes which is great as i like her girlfriend as-well. However, i believe she’s too attached to her. Mum sleeps at her girlfriend’s house 6 nights a week which doesn’t sound too bad now as i can take care of myself but it started when i was around 10 and my brother 13, which is obviously not ok. Not only this, but she began saying that feeding me was a chore. She does a lot materialistically, as in she buys me and my brother a lot of stuff, we have a nice house and she picks me up and drops me off at school everyday. This makes me feel even worse. She was, long story short, upset that the kids her girlfriend cares for chooses her girlfriend to talk to when they’re upset instead of mum because she’s apparently desperate to support them. Eventually, we were all standing in the living room whilst my mum was crying because she was, for the millionth time, upset about her girlfriend having a life outside of her. When we were one by one talking about how her behaviour has affected us, she was defensive instead of understanding with her girlfriend making subtle excuses for her. I was told that she felt constantly abandoned when she was younger, leaving my mum with attachment issues. However, after countless nights and meals alone, and feelings of being discarded by her, i said i don’t care. My mum began crying harder on the sofa but i continued. I told her that she was a victim but her abandonment towards me has wiped any empathy i would’ve had. She’s agreed to go to therapy which is good and she doesn’t seem mad at me but it’s really awkward now so i can’t stop questioning if i’m the asshole.
Things don’t replace emotional connection, and it’s hard to realise that. Your mum is not currently managing her emotions or caring the way she should, and I’m sorry you feel pressured to be her emotional support. While your mother could benefit from therapy, you need to let it out too. You‘re not responsible for her emotions or her behaviour, you are a kid. You can understand your parents trauma, but you can’t justify their actions with it because they’re adults, and they are responsible of caring for themselves. You‘re NTA for making an emotional boundary.
NTA. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You deserve to have a parent, not a therapy client to deal with.
NTA, what your mom has been doing and is doing now is not good.
NTA – Your mother is a bad mother, and she deserved to hear it from your mouth. Unfortunately, her feelings don’t actually matter in this case because she’s essentially abusing and neglecting her own kids, using her own neglect as a smokescreen. The fact that her girlfriend has kids and enables this makes her girlfriend a bad person, too.
Feel free to share this comment with them and make sure they understand that, as adults, they do not have the luxury of treating children this way. They are lucky this is anonymous, because both she and her GF should probably have a CPS visit if they allow things like this.
The fact that they expect both of you to accept her childish behavior like adults, without behaving like adults themselves, is shameful and embarrassing. This is no better than a parent who marries a person with substance issues; it just happens to be your mother’s codependency issues that are the issue.
NTA, but your mother sure is and so is the girlfriend. If ur mom’s girlfriend had any decency, she would not allow ur mom to spend 6 nights a week at her home knowing her children were in a different house alone.
NTA. You are a child and not responsible for you mothers feelings. It’s that simple, you did not choose to be born she chose to have you. Her having trauma does not make it ok to inflict trauma upon others especially when they are her children. Your mom needed to hear the truth harsh or not. Pain creates change and your mom needs to change.
NTA
Neglect is a form of abuse. That includes emotional neglect. Your mom’s mental health struggles don’t excuse her neglect towards you and your brother.