I (16F) My friend (15F)
I and my ex friend got invited to a quince. We got so excited and made immediate plans to go shopping for dresses and accessories, since it was my nieces best friend’s quince. Finally the day arrives, we give each other a hug before walking into the mall. We’re obviously looking dresses, laughing, talking and all that fun jazz. We both have our hands full with dresses we want to try on. We ask for a room and say what we don’t like of the dress. Or love. I find the dress that I absolutely adore! It’s so beautiful, while hers on the other hand looks SO fucking ugly! She says that my dress is super cute, I on the other hand say that she looks way to fat and in the dress. She gives me a disgusting look as if I was over exaggerating, but I wasn’t! I just wanted to be completely truthful with her. Yes I get that I was being a bit harsh with the voice of words I chose in that moment and I could’ve worded it differently but I just couldn’t hold back. I mean my best friend is on the chunky side, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but the dress was just simply way too small on her. All her fat rolls were just exposed and you can see basically everything. Now I just wanted her to find a dress that was more fitted and looked more natural. That’s what I told her. I don’t want her embarrassing herself. Though she gets all mad and goes into the changing closet, gets dressed and storms out the store. I sigh and just try to relax because I understand why she would be mad but not at the same time. I go to check out my dress and then head home. I text her if she’s okay, she tells that I’m a horrible friend for saying that stuff from earlier. I said sorry to her like millions hoping that she would forgive but she didn’t budge.
I genuinely feel but, but still I don’t think it was that big of deal. Anyways she proceeds to tell me she doesn’t want to be friends. That’s really all, I’m trying to stay out her way when I see her at school but it’s hard. I miss her.
YTA. You could have said “I like that dress but I think maybe a different size would work better” or “I don’t think that dress is very flattering.” Same message but less offensive. Tact is a skill you’ll need in life.
Yta. Learn how to say the dress doesn’t work for her without setting her on fire. You wouldn’t be my friend anymore if you told me something like that.
YTA. You know you are. You admit that you know it was rude and hurtful and offensive.
Stop making excuses and hold yourself accountable. There’s a nice way to say that, like “that dress is very unflattering” or “I don’t like that one for you” or even “let’s try on the other dresses before we commit”.
Perhaps a genuine apology instead of insincere ones that try to justify your rude behavior will help her accept your apology.
YTA: A non-asshole would have said something like: “That dress isn’t flattering” or “That dress looks a bit too small”. You, the asshole, responded the way you did.
Honestly I don’t even need to read this whole thing to say yes YTA.
Did you mean to post this in “am I the angel”? There’s no way you could possibly think it was okay to speak to someone like that. Obviously YTA.
YTA.
What’s wrong with being fat? Fat doesn’t automatically equal ugly and also if this is truly your friend and you thought she didn’t look nice in the dress, there are much nicer ways to say it. You could’ve just said that you personally don’t like *the dress itself* but instead you body-shamed and humiliated her.
YTA – That is not nice to say to anyone, especially a friend.
You might be the world’s biggest asshole, actually. Your friend likely already has body image issues and she found something she felt good in, and instead of giving helpful advice about picking a bigger size or trying on another dress, you decided to humiliate her. It is literally never okay to call someone fat or ugly. You’re trying to justify yourself but still say her “fat rolls” etc. You’re not her friend, you’re a bully.
YTA.
You could have told her the dress was unflattering without being cruel. Those things that you said to her are going to live on in her mind, heart, and self-esteem for years.
>I just couldn’t hold back.
Yes you could have. You’re 16, not 6. You made a choice to be cruel about your friend’s body, now she doesn’t want to be your friend anymore. That’s the natural consequence of being mean to her.
YTA and at your age you should know how to use paragraphs
YTA. There is zero reason to be cruel. You can give someone a true opinion without being mean. “The color is pretty but it’s not my favorite on you. How about this style, I think it would look amazing!” Try to put a nice spin on it. People have feelings and we all hope people see the best in us And remember, an opinion is NOT the “truth”. People like different things, so you may see something you don’t like, someone else might see juicy. 🤷🏼♀️ You will never go wrong being kind. There’s a saying “Kindness. It doesn’t cost a damn thing. Spread that shit everywhere.”
YTA. Please stop the ” just being honest” crap cause your a mean girl. Your ex friend is smart to lose you
What you should have said is ” your beautiful but that dress doesnt flatter you. Its a party and I want you to look your best”
YTA and you know that you are. “I couldn’t hold back” you could’ve as you’re 16. You there’s so many other ways you could’ve told her that the dress was unflattering and you went with the rudest option. Clearly you don’t think of her as a friend and you don’t care about you. You do not treat people you care about like that.