Hi guys. I’m using a throwaway account for this, and I’ve never posted here so please forgive me for my inexperience.
A couple of years ago, I (19M) received around $7,000 from my grandmother. I was looking to start college soon, and she wanted to put me in the right direction. I didn’t work during high school, because my parents wanted me to focus on school (which paid off, as I graduated valedictorian of my class.) Because of this, I never had access to my personal bank accounts. When I had enough cash and checks that I wanted to deposit, my mom (49F) would just deposit it into a joint savings account that she said belonged to me.
Fast forward a year later and I am ready to open a checking account to pay for my own things. My mom comes with me and proposes to the bank employee that we just keep the joint savings account like it is. The employee obliges, and I finally have my own checking account. I check the savings account and I have only $1,000 in it. My mom would often tell me that she needed to dip into it a little and she would pay me back, so I would always let her. I had no idea it was this low.
A few months later, my beloved old 1999 Mercury Grand Marquis broke down for the last time. My mom’s side of the family was very pushy about the idea of getting a new car. I was not, but I finally caved when I was told I wouldn’t have to pay the full monthly payments (which came out to around $900 per month.) My grandmother (dad’s mom) and my dad gave me another generous sum of around $7,500 to get me started, and my granny and pops (mom’s parents) put around $3,000 down on the car.
This month, I was informed by my granny and pops that the money from my grandmother and dad had run out, and I would need to start paying some again. I’ve been religiously searching for a job, combing all sorts of boards daily and getting plenty of interviews. However, because I didn’t work in high school I’ve found no luck. I’ve been doordashing, but aside from that I have no source of income. My refund from college financial aid came back recently, to the tune of about $2,000. I want to treat the love of my life to a lovely Valentine’s Day, so I set some money aside for daily use and had planned to transfer some more for my V-Day plans. I knew i would need a large amount because of my plans, but I didn’t see it as exorbitant. I had to ask my mom for permission to use any of the money, because she immediately put an embargo on my usage of my own refund, saying it needed to be put toward the car. I transferred $200 out for early shopping and going on dates before V-Day. I checked my banking a few days ago, and all but $50 was gone from my account. I called and asked, and my mom told me that I needed to listen to her, that her word was final, and that I could not be trusted with my own money. She blew up at me for moving to live with my dad (long story) and implied that I needed to pay all $900 per month.
So, AITA for seeking a different bank?
NTA. Open a new bank account at another bank. Not another branch, a full other bank where your mom’s name has never been on an account with yours.
>I had to ask my mom for permission to use any of the money
>my mom told me that I needed to listen to her, that her word was final, and that I could not be trusted with my own money
You’re 19, a legal adult. You can do whatever you want without your parent’s permission. She’s been taking advantage of you financially, but you’re also not a kid anymore. You could have stopped this at any time.
NTA for getting a different bank
**NTA.**
You are an adult, and your mother is stealing from you. Taking money from a joint account that was intended for you is one thing, but preventing you from accessing your own financial aid refund and draining your account to $50 is financial abuse.
You need to open a new account at a completely different bank immediately. Do not use the same bank as your mother; tellers who know her might be socially engineered into giving her access or linking the accounts. Transfer whatever money you have left to the new bank. You do not need her permission to do this.
Since she has been controlling your finances, you should also check your credit report to ensure no loans or credit cards have been opened in your name without your knowledge.
I’d be asking the bank for a list of transactions on your account so you can provide it to the police to investigate the theft.
Good call!! While you are still on this joint account, go to the bank and request all statements since the account was opened. Then you can have an accounting of what your mother stole from you.
If it is a joint account, she has not legally stolen anything.
My goodness. Your mom is a thief. Get your own account now
NTA,
#Let your family know that your mom stole your money.
Nothing you say will change her mind, however once the people who actually paid that money find out that your mom took it, they will be able to put pressure on her to put the money back.
**Once the money is back in the account take it out and put it into account she has no access to.**
This OP. Your mom stole your money. She may never apologize or repay it, but definitely let your family know she took the money that was given to you and never returned
Why would you ever have a joint account with your mom knowing what she was doing? I mean you’re 19 and an adult, you’re mom isn’t going to repay the money and you’ll probably get stuck paying the whole cost of the car…. NTA.
NTA. You are 19. Go to bank, pull the statements, find out where your money is. Find out whats going on with your car. Too many unknowns that you have the ability to find out.
Your mom stole felony level amounts of money from you. Stop giving her access to your money!!! NTA.
NTA your family is stealing from you. Open a new account at a different bank and don’t tell them. That’s them only way youll have a future.
FYI a $900 a month car payment is irresponsible for most people.
NTA. Your mom stole YOUR money from YOU. Also, a $900 car payment is wild.