Background: My once ex, now best friend, M60+ once or twice a year gives me, F50+, expensive gifts (equivalent to 100-200 USD) without expecting anything in return. He is well off, I’m not. Two or three times he has offered to buy it back (he insists on paying, I’m not asking for money) if/when I don’t use it anymore but he would. A few times I have got my home made gifts back that he doesn’t need or use anymore.
What led to the conflict: I’m soon to move apartments and are clearing stuff out, selling and giving away. The other day I sold an 200 USD item to an acquaintance for eq. 50 USD. It was used, had been broken but later mended and I thought it was a fair price. While broken I got a new one and was no longer using the item, although mended.
The AITA moment: Today my friend called me and told me how disappointed he was at me for not offering him to buy the item back from me as we usually do and he was especially upset that I had sold it for just eq. 50 when he payed 200 for it 2 years ago. I instantly froze in embarrassment. I had totally forgotten the item was an gift from him. I had disregarded our buy-back-deal. I apologized and asked if there was anything I could do to make things better. Nope, he felt let down by me and wanted me to know that I had made a mistake.
When we ended the call I was left in confusion. Am I an asshole? I felt unfairly treated. I forgot it was a gift. I didn’t do it out of spite. And even if I had remembered, is it really not ok to sell a two year old broken but mended gift? Is it even a gift then, or more like something borrowed? Or is it because we have had this deal for years that ”normal” gift rules don’t apply? I texted him to tell him I felt unfairly treated. If I hadn’t got the item mended I would have thrown it away. His response surprised me. He now had to buy a brand new 200 one for his new girlfriend when he could have bought my old, mended one for 50 for her. And that’s why he was mad at me.
The question then: AITA for forgetting I got the item as a gift from my friend and disregard our regular routine/rule to first offer him to buy it back and because of that force him to buy a brand new, expensive item?
NTA. This whole deal is bizzare. He is pissed because he wanted to give his gf a broken but repaired gift he gave his ex years ago? Doesn’t come off as a good boyfriend nor a good friend.
You forgot it was a gift from him. Not ideal, but it happens. His reaction was over the top. You didn’t force him to do anything. He chose to buy another item for his gf. He could have asked you if he could buy it back from you.
If I were in your shoes, I would no longer accept presents from this person. They come with too many strings attached.
This! I couldn’t have said it better.
NTA.
It’s your stuff to do with as you see fit. No one’s required to give right of first refusal on gifted items. And why is this friend all up in your business anyway? How did he know?
I sold it on a platform where he is too. But he saw it too late. It got sold literally 2 minutes after posting it.
NTA. His gifts have strings attached. I’d refuse all future gifts from him.
I can see that now.
How did he even know that you had sold it?
I sold it on a platform where he is too. But he saw it too late. It got sold literally 2 minutes after posting it.