We live together. Recently, I went to Belgium (for the first time, very far away) for work purpose, sponsored by my firm. I didn’t have much time to spend, it was a tight schedule but I managed to squeeze out half day to explore the place.
I tried some mini chocolates there are instantly loved this one – bought 2 big bars of it, one for her and the other one for mine. We both love chocolates. Also bought some milky ones, those were mainly for her as I’m not a big fan of milky ones.
I’m health conscious and planned to eat my bar slowly, (like 2 square segments per day). But my wife has no such restrictions set. I forgot about the chocolate out of workload.
It’s been 4 days, today I remembered about it in the office and was eager to eat 3-4 square segments the moment I come back home. But when I returned and checked the fridge, I saw that my bar has only 3 square segments left. (I had eaten just 2 before, one bar had like 20 squares).
So basically, she ate 15/20 segments of my bar. Wow, so thoughtful! She had already eaten her bar a couple days ago and knew that the other one is mine. I was honestly pissed, talked to her about it and she thought making a cute, lightly apologetic face would make things okay.
But I’m honestly disappointed, she did it once in the past too. I get she has a sweet tooth, but so do I. But I’m controlling myself, never thought of eating her part of food without asking. I didn’t eat the last square and left it in the fridge, telling her to finish it herself.
It stung her and she pushed me to eat it, but I didn’t. Now, I’m not even touching the milky ones, even though I initially thought I would eat some of it. She knows what I’m doing and later told me that I’m making a big issue out of a small thing. AITA
Absolutely NTA. Your GF (or wife?)’s behavior is not ok. It’s selfish and inconsiderate and greedy. That’s pretty much it. Especially if this has been a repeat occurrence, and she definitely knew the second bar was not for her (in fact you brought back much more chocolate FOR her than for yourself), it’s just her being a really shitty partner.
Your comment about finishing it was not a low blow. Her insistence on you eating it is kind of telling in my book – like on one hand maybe she just really wanted to make sure you had all that remained becuase she realized she fucked up (but if that were the case, surely she’d apologize and make amends). On the other hand, some part of her brain thinks, perhaps subconsciously, that as long as you get SOME of the chocolate you essentially shared it, like maybe she hopes no one is keeping score. But when you have something you care about, go out of your way to be considerate of her, and she plows right though, it’s fair to keep score.
ESH
Your wife’s assholery is obvious. No need to delve into that.
Expressing anger in a passive aggressive manner invariably makes you an AH.
Your anger is justified. How you are dealing with it is damaging your marriage. You are leaning into the resentment and acting in ways that will only make her resentful as well.
You need to deal with this head on. You need to tell your wife that you don’t accept her apology. What she did was selfish and it hurt you deeply. She put her own pleasure above yours and took away something you were really looking forward to.
Explain to her that a cute face and an “I’m Swowwy” is not an apology.
A real aplogy:
* acknowledges what was done
* shares steps that have been or will be taken to undo the damage. (Did she even consider ordering more of the same chocolate?)
* explains what steps will be taken in the future to prevent the same thing from happening again.
* and only after all of the above express sincere regret of the action and states they are sorry.
Instead of being a passive aggressive AH, have the conversation you need to with your wife.
NTA for being upset, but don’t be passive aggressive. Use your big boy words and tell her that you are disappointed and hurt that she ate all of her chocolate and some of yours, too.
Like, original being annoyed is totally NTA.
The finish of it is peek marital pettiness to fascinating degree. Not eating chocolate to get even is almost funny.
She selfishly devoured something *she knew* you loved and were saving! This wasn’t some random chocolate bar, *it was special*. Of course you’re upset!
The fact that she’s trying to minimize what she did makes her the ah here. “X, I’m sorry I ate that chocolate, I know it was special and you were saving it. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” That’s all she needed to say but noooooo, she can’t even acknowledge the chocolate betrayal!
I get it, it’s a *little bit silly*, but it’s the principle! Belgian chocolates *from the source*! R u d e.
NTA
So she’s your girlfriend but you live together but you’re married?
Does your wife live at home but your girlfriend came over and ate most of your chocolate, or do you need to tweak your LLM a bit more?
Forget passive aggression, the robots are taking over! It’s time to microwave your computer! Motherboard your smart TV!! Automate your analog devices!!! 00001110001011!!!
I had an ex like this. This is not the reason we broke up or anything, but its one of the things I looked back on. He (well I, as sole breadwinner) would buy a gallon of ice cream. I would buy a pint. He would inhale his whole gallon within 2 days, where as I would take my pint out and have just a few bites. He would constantly harp on me to eat it because it was tempting him too much. His harping would kill any desire I had to eat it at all. His lack of self control was not my problem, it was his.
Your wife needs to make this right, learn how to ask in the future, and learn self control.
NTA.
She’s an asshole for eating your chocolate. If my husbands finds chips or chocolates from other countries he’s working from time to time I always try to order more of them, because I know he likes them. The last thing an emphatic person should do, is eating something she knows her husband is excited for.
But don’t be passive aggressive. Talk to her, explain how shitty the situation feels for you and draw the necessary conclusion from this.
NTA for being upset. Having a sweet tooth doesn’t give her the right to eat your sweets. She had hers, and she could have gone and gotten a different kind of chocolate to fulfill her sweet tooth needs and not eaten your special stuff.
People may disagree with me on this part, but:
Also NTA for the passive aggressiveness, because you did talk to her about it and rather than genuinely apologize, she tried to be cute and has since been dismissive and told you you’re making a big issue out of a small thing that isn’t small to you. Sometimes we just need to be mad about things for a while, especially if an apology isn’t genuine and people try to minimize our feelings.
Gotta love AI.
NTA. You told her you weren’t happy. She treated your feelings in a dismissive and insensitive way. She HAD more chocolate that she COULD have eaten, but made the conscious choice to eat yours instead. She was selfish and rude, after you made sure she had plenty for herself. It isn’t silly, it shows a real red flag about her.
NTA but this isnt the thing to break down a happy marriage.
Can you get that specific chocolate online? Guessing if you can that it will cost a bit, but maybe yku can drop a very subtle hint that you have found a nice gift if she wanted to treat you
NTA. She’s trying to make a small issue out of a big thing. Her lack of respect for you is the big thing, not the chocolate. Her trying to make you the bad guy for feeling miffed that she ate your chocolate is the big thing. What a selfish person she is.
NTA but your wife is. This was a special treat that isn’t easily replaced. She didn’t actually have any right to eat your portion just because you weren’t gulping it down as fast as you could. She owes you an apology. She also should special order you that exact same candy, from her own discretionary monies as part of that apology.
Edit it’s not a small thing. It shows, very clearly, that she doesn’t respect you. That is a much bigger issue. It’s not so much about the chocolate as it is about what her eating it, and dismissing your reaction says about how little consideration and respect she has for you.