AITA for shutting down my friend whenever he talks about his crushes after months of drama?
I (17F) have been friends with this guy (16M) since childhood, but we didn’t become really close until around 2022–2023. Around that same time, another close friend of mine also got closer to him, and the three of us became a tight trio.
In mid-2025, things started changing.
He developed a crush on a girl in our friend group. At first we supported him. But over time, he became extremely focused on her. He started making plans centered around impressing her and would either exclude us or invite us just as “cover” so it wouldn’t look obvious.
One time he made a cinema list and didn’t include me or our best friend. When we pointed out how obvious his plan was (he invited her, her brothers, and someone who would conveniently distract the siblings), he suddenly asked if I could go. When I said I’d just be alone, he offered to invite the guy I liked – like that would automatically make me say yes. He hadn’t even thought of including our best friend. I brought it up to him privately, and only then did he say he’d invite her. It felt like we were afterthought.
There were multiple situations like this.
At a full group sleepover, the girl he liked asked us if he liked her. We covered for him. She ended up saying she didn’t like him and only saw him as a friend. After that, for two weeks straight, he kept pushing us to tell him what she said. When we finally told him and also brought up how his behavior had been affecting us, he turned the conversation into how he always fails in love and brought up unrelated personal issues instead of addressing how he’d been treating us. He eventually apologized, but the pattern didn’t really change.
For months we’ve had arguments about him centering conversations around himself, shutting us down when we talk about our own lives, but expecting us to listen to long voice notes about every girl he likes (including literal lists ranking them). He has dismissed things that mattered to us like acting dry and distant on my birthday or interrupting conversations just to redirect attention back to himself.
He’s also said that the two of us are a “duo” that pushes him aside, even though most of this started because he was sidelining us in the first place.
At this point, I feel emotionally drained. So now when he starts talking about his crushes or love life, I shut it down. I respond sarcastically, change the subject, or tell him I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll admit I’ve said some harsh things.
I know that probably comes off as mean. But after months of this cycle, I just don’t have the patience anymore. It feels repetitive, self-centered, and like we’re only valued when it benefits him.
AITA for shutting it down instead of continuing to listen?
There is no reason you should be an endless sounding-board for this best friend who isn’t acting like a best friend (and, frankly, hasn’t acted like one in a long time). He is very young, yes, but he’s maturing in not so attractive ways. You are entitled to shut him down, kindly but firmly, remind him that friendship is a two-way street, and tell him that his behavior is becoming worryingly obsessive.
NTA.
It sounds like you’re feeling emotionally drained, and I get why you’d want to shut him down at this point. It seems like he’s been making everything about him for months, and it’s understandable that you’d get tired of it. You shouldn’t feel guilty for setting boundaries, especially when someone is consistently dismissing your feelings and needs.
NTA
Sometimes, your friends need to hear the honest truth. What you are expressing is important for your friend to hear for him to be able to have emotional growth and to become more aware of what impact they have on others.
But a self centered person doesnt usually have the ability to focus on someone else for long enough for that to happen. They start thinking about how your comments hurt them and they get distracted since they are focused on themselves and how they feel.
NTA, It’s ok to set boundaries around topics that make you feel uncomfortable. All you have to say is “I care about your feelings and want to support you, but I’m not the right person to discuss this with.” If he continues to not respect your boundaries then it’s time to find a new friend. Personally I would’ve dropped him a while ago since he only seems interested in using you.
He has changed over the past few weeks and has started setting boundaries about this topic himself. We’ve all grown closer as a group, and he’s been more present and involved again. He still brings it up sometimes, but he apologizes right after and acknowledges it might come off the wrong way. We’re on good terms now though.
Oh well that’s good. You don’t have to be harsh about it (like you said in your post) and can let him know that if anything ever starts to get serious then you’re open to hearing about it and want to be supportive, you just can’t deal with his puberty riddled obsessions lol
NTA honestly I wouldn’t take it either. As you slowly grow and realize who your real friends really are it’s exhausting to even keep the friendships regardless of how long you have known them. Don’t be afraid to cut them out. Especially if their actions show they aren’t a good friend.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
NTA. This guy doesn’t sound like a friend.
>**For months we’ve had arguments about him centering conversations around himself**, shutting us down when we talk about our own lives… He has dismissed things that mattered to us like acting dry and distant on my birthday or interrupting conversations just to redirect attention back to himself.
Don’t put up with self-centred behaviour from boys. You’ve obviously tried to discuss this with him or you wouldn’t have had the arguments, so why are you still trying?