I (23f) found out recently that my (56) father hasn’t been managing his BAD diabetes for over 6 months now. My stepmom told me this after we picked up my wedding dress from the dress shop and how she’s tried pleading with him on everything. I’ve been stewing on it for about a week now. For some context, My mother passed away at 49 years old when I was 19, she had Chron’s disease and was an alcoholic who didn’t manage her condition or c-bag. Her and I had a very complicated relationship but nonetheless she was still my mom and losing her was/is very hard. When my mom passed away my dad admitted that she should have managed her condition better and taken care of herself better, which I agreed with. My father has been diagnosed with diabetes for roughly about a year ago. Supposedly he took the metformin ans insulin for about 6 months, didn’t like the side effects, and stopped. When I found out last week that he wasn’t managing his condition, or even tracking his blood sugar I was upset, but wanted to think about how I was going to approach this. My dad is a very logical man, everything is black and white to him. So when I tried to show logic to him about how the side effects of the medication outweigh the results of not managing his diabetes he ended the conversation by saying it was his life. I lost my mind on him, called him selfish, told him to grow the fuck up etc. Am I the asshole here?
Nta. I’d normally want to say you reacted too hard but he wasn’t listening. In the end he may or may not even do anything to fix his problems. Hopefully this makes him think about it and fix it… nta. I know you’re upset.
NTA – We all have a family member who needs to be chewed out for not taking care of themselves.
NTA for speaking up, but don’t expect him to change quickly. I know you want him around and in your life. He might be able to change meds or get help if he tells doctor the side effects.
YTA, sort of. While your emotional reaction was understandable, and you are entitled to be angry and upset, lashing out at your father was a selfish act that will have no positive effect.
What you did was human, and, as I said, understandable. But, from a purely practical standpoint, if your goal was to help your father change his behavior, an angry, emotional outburst is either useless or can make things worse. From that standpoint, it was an act of self-indulgence.
It’s hard to watch people in our lives follow self-destructive behaviors. Like I said, it’s ok to feel angry, or even reduce/cut off contact because it is so frustrating to be around. But he has things driving his behavior, you can’t just yell “change” and expect it to happen.
I had an ex that is diabetic. When his blood sugar was low he used to loose all connection with reality and hallucinated different scenarios.
The breaking point was last year in which he woke me up STOMPING ON ME and kicking me because he “thought that I was his brother” (but they are not mean with each other), he refused to take glucagon, he broke the glucagon pen and he toppled me to the ground…
Unchecked diabetes may lead to your demise, not just your dad’s.
He is selfish indeed.
NTA
YNA. As someone who works in a hospital caring for people with diabetes and the suffering that generally comes along with it, I understand your frustrations. While a bit blunt, I understand your message.
However in this circumstance I’ve found it is most effective to approach him calmly and straight ask,”can you tell me what is causing you to stop taking your meds and checking your BG?” Don’t blame , just try to understand what’s stopping him or what is an obstacle to him!
NTA for feeling frustrated. I have a family member who is also not managing his diabetes. I spent a year thinking of all different ways to help him, encourage him. I even used my own money to buy him supplies that would not be as painful to prick his fingers. I called an intervention with other family to try to get through to him. Didn’t work.
And I have decided I cannot change the mind of someone who doesn’t want to change. I leave him now to his life decisions.
NTA. Does your dad go to a doctor regularly. He should be on a CGM (continuous glucose monitor). GLP-1 meds are used to treat type 2 diabetes. Since I started on Mounjari, I’ve completely stopped taking Metformin and daily insulin shots and have dropped 60 pounds and am now within 20 pounds of my best college weight.
NAH. It’s understandable that you’re upset he isn’t taking care of himself. Maybe you shouldn’t have freaked out, but you’re reacting because he’s your dad and you already lost your mother to neglect. He should be taking care of himself, but unfortunately, he’s right. He can do whatever he wants. I would maybe approach him again, apologize for yelling and then explain why you’re so upset with him. Maybe he’ll understand if you approach him calmly and as respectfully as possible. However, if he doesn’t respond the way you want, you’ll just have to let it lie.
Managing diabetes is hard, and not all medications are right for everyone. Side effects can range from mild to completely intolerable. If you actually want to help him, instead of yelling at him, LISTEN to him. Ask what he’s struggling with, and help him find solutions. Doctors are great for telling you what your problem is, they’re not great about helping you manage a whole lifestyle upheaval.
If his issue is reworking his diet and meal planning, there are meal kit subscriptions that can make his life so much easier. There’s the heat and eat kind, and the everything comes ready to prep and cook kind. Whatever works with his lifestyle is the best option. They do all the macro calculations, and most of them have an option to select low carb or whatever.
If his issue is the side effects of his medication, encourage him to document the side effects and send a message to his doctor listing out his issues. There may be a different medication that his body will react differently to, and have fewer side effects.
If his issue is snacks, help him make his life easier. Help him find diabetes friendly grab and go options. Life is easier when better choices are directly in front of you.