I \[16f\] am part of a pretty large friend group. There are about seven of us but it expands beyond that at points. Because of this, some are more popular than others and therefore get mixed up with the popular crowds.
2 months ago, a couple of my friends started hanging out with this girl who we’ll call Emma. Emma is very popular. She goes to parties, does generally outrageous things, and knows just about everybody at our school- popular or not.
The two friends that have started hanging out with Emma have expressed wanting to be popular. Since they became friends with Emma, they have started changing their appearances to be more like Emma and her friends, including skipping class to hang out with her and spending their lunch periods with guys Emma set them up with.
I get it. I used to care about that sort of thing, too. But now I’m the kind of person who makes fun of people like that. And my friend group knows me very well for this. Maybe I’m boring but I don’t see any appeal in getting drunk or smoking as I’ve only heard bad things about them.
Anyways, about a week ago those two friends made a plan with Emma to throw a party while one of the friend’s single mom would be spending the night at someone else’s house for a reason I can’t recall. I’m talking a huge rager for Valentine’s Day weekend. I heard this from Emma herself, who was inviting people left and right. By the end of the week, everyone in my friend group knew about the party and some were even posting about it on their stories (which is sort of relevant, I promise).
Now, I know the friend’s mom. I’ve had sleepovers at the mom’s house before and I’ve known her for five years now. She has done a lot for me that I am so grateful for, including attending my grandfather’s funeral when I needed the support. My moral compass wouldn’t let me stay quiet about the whole party thing since my friend’s mom is such a sweet woman, so I texted her about the party two days before it was supposed to take place and sent her screenshots of people’s Instagram stories with her address typed out alongside ‘BYOB’ (bring your own booze). I was thanked and didn’t hear anything until I was told from the other friend of the two that the first friend got grounded and her mom searched her room, confiscating some stuff she wasn’t supposed to have and a second phone she was hiding. However, I ended up finding out the mom said I was the one who told her about the party. The friend told the rest of our friend group who were all looking forward to the party and it of course got out to Emma. Emma has me blocked on Instagram now and we haven’t talked since lunch a few days ago. No one has said anything to me past a long rant from one of the people in the friend group who admitted he was just as worried about the party as I was, but I can tell my friendship with some of them is beyond repair.
I’ve got no clue what my plan is when I get back to school. Right now I’m just the girl who ruined people’s weekends.
YTA nobody likes a snitch
NTA, nobody likes a snitch and you will be a social pariah after this, but it was your friend’s responsibility to get permission for this. You obviously knew she didn’t have it and you decided to look out for the best interest of your other friend (her mom).
The mom did throw you under the bus hard though, she’s either very clueless or doesn’t hold you in as high a regard as you hold her.
NTA. Not too big of a fan that friend’s mom basically threw you under the bus, but it’ll pass sooner than later. You also potentially saved her from a huge legal mess and also
>people’s Instagram stories with her address typed out alongside ‘BYOB’
Don’t need to explain here why teenagers giving out their address is dangerous. Teenage drinking in it of itself is dangerous enough
NTA you tried to do the right thing and save the mother from legal troubles if the party got busted.
But best of luck with the rest of high school. This sort of thing is what ruins friendships and any social interactions with anyone.
NTA, but your friend’s mother is for letting her know you were the one who tipped her off. Your so-called friends are going to give you a rough time. Please let your parents know, and any teachers you feel you can trust. You may have saved some lives, so try to keep that in mind. It won’t help to tell them that, of course.
Teens stupid enough to have that kind of party would drink & drive. Girls could get drunk and be SA’d. Not victim blaming, if boys were trained to keep it in their pants it wouldn’t be as much of a problem. As long as we live in a rape culture, girls will be at high risk.
Most teens can’t look beyond their own noses far enough to see what is obvious to someone with fully developed reasoning skills. I cannot commend you enough for doing the right thing here, but if there is a next time, report it anonymously.
No judgements here. Just be ready for pariah status the rest of high school.
In the future, at least be smarter about it.
If it’s not too late I’d say your parents went through your phone and made you text the mom as punishment this is def gonna be hard to come back from but high school isn’t forever
NTA but you did just ruin your social future for a good long while. If you’re going to snitch on your “friends” you need to at least try to be sneaky about it; I say friends loosely since you’re only friends with a few of the people involved but especially being that you wanted to warn your friends mom about it. People are not going to be happy with you and honestly, rightfully so. Even though it’s the morally correct thing to do, it’s definitely not going to win you any friends. Good luck kiddo. You should probably preemptively talk to your parents about this so they can be supportive.
NAH, you did what you think it was right. But your friends also have the right to decide whether they want to stay friends with a person they don’t trust, even if they are in the “wrong” side.
Unfortunately this might happen a lot, you will have to choose between your values and your friends in several situations, it’s up to you where you draw the line.
Personally if I’m not comfortable with a situation, I would not go, or participate, but I wouldn’t snitch, unless it’s something that could hurt other people or illegal.
I’m a bit torn. You technically did the right thing but also YTA, if we’re talking interpersonal relationships. It’s not just that you ruined the fun, but in your friend’s eyes, you betrayed her confidence
You may have done the “right thing”, but you will never have the trust of your peers and will forever be out of the loop because nobody wants you to tattle on them
NTA, but your friend’s mother is. There was no reason for her to tell her daughter that you were the one who told her about the party.
YTA and I’m shocked you weren’t too embarassed to write this out and post it. Don’t be surprised when you have no friends for the rest of high school. “I’m the type to make fun of people like Anna and my friends know that”, yeh you’re real cool aren’t ya.
Since when destroying someone else’s home without their consent is good? OP did the right thing, the mother was stupid for snitching her