Frankly, I’m just tired man. We were invited to my family’s Christmas party this year and the kids were excited to see their extended family. I asked what time it started and was 6pm. So the wife and I got the kids all dressed up and nice for the party and I made a platter of Mac and cheese. Plus I got some extra cups and plates and things like that. Got everything together and we headed out. We got there about 10 minutes to 6pm and walked in.
To our surprise, everyone had eaten, passed out gifts and was getting ready to leave. We stood there for a bit and was like what’s going on? My dad then told me they started everything at 4pm. I proceeded to get mad and said you told me 6pm. He said "you didn’t look on Facebook?" (I don’t have Facebook) and told him no. Then proceeded to tell me it was my fault for not looking on there. I said, fine. Then took the kids and left.
I’ve been getting texts all day from family members about how I shouldn’t have left and now the kids didn’t get their presents. I haven’t responded. AITA for leaving?
NTA
Facebook is not a valid communication channel for family events. Your dad is a giant AH for insisting. And he can tell whose following him there, so he should be able to tell you aren’t on it.
In the amount of time it took him to post this on facebook, he could have done a group text message instead.
> now the kids didn’t get their presents.
What bullshit. The presents were all bought. They can still be given to the kids. Anyone holding on to those gifts is willfully withholding them and also an AH.
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And no one thought to reach out and ask what was going on with you when you were more than, let’s say, 30 minutes late?
Not one single person thought to text you? Make sure you weren’t dead? (If, in fact, they believed you knew the correct time).
Seems intentional at worst. Aggressively negligent at best.
NTA. Sorry your family sucks.
Aggressively negligent is now a term I’m going to use.
That would be my response to anyone who gave me shit about not being told of the time change.
“Oh, so you *do* have my phone number! Maybe you should have *used* it to contact me and ask where I was?”
NTA none of them cared to reach out at 4:00 PM to see why you & your family weren’t there after not hearing that you weren’t coming.
Or at 4:30 before everyone starts eating? Or at 5 to see if anything was wrong? Or 5:30 when maybe it’s time to get a little worried?
Start your own family traditions, away from this toxic shit. Expecting you to monitor for changes in an invitation is utter bullshit.
NTA
NTA. Switching up the time without letting you know and blaming you for it is crappy.
NTA. That was on purpose. If it hadn’t been on purpose, at about 4:15 you’d have received a call from him saying that he’s so sorry he told you the wrong time, but they’re holding dinner and everything else until you can get there.
NTA surely when you hadn’t arrived by 4.30 someone would’ve thought to call you? But maybe you should have stayed for your kids sake but it’s your call as only you know if this was a one-off mistake or if your family behave like this towards you regularly or not.
And after you were a half hour “late,” none of them thought to call you and make sure you had gotten the message?
NTA – Why did they have no problem texting you after-the-fact with their dissappointment, yet couldn’t be bothered to text you before the meal, or before opening presents? Obviously, by 5 o’clock they must’ve figured out that you didn’t get the update, or something happened. Plus, (I don’t have Facebook either) but isn’t there an acknowledgement of some sort when someone sees a message?
Either way, you were not the AH, and I hope you took your mac & cheese back home too.
NTA Why tf didn’t anyone call you when you didn’t arrive at 4??? Like I get they may have accidentally not updated you on the new time, but when you didn’t arrive at 4 someone should have called and been like “hey are you coming still??” If it was an honest mistake.
NTA. Your family should have called you when you didn’t show by 4:30.