Hi guys, I just wanted an opinion based on an ongoing argument between my friend group. For reference, I am a sophomore in college living with two girls (Ana and Lola). I am dating Levi and Lola is dating Levi’s roommate, Dave.
Recently, I have felt as though Lola and Ana have been distancing themselves from me, even though we used to be very close. I have known Ana throughout my life, so I am closer with her. For example, I don’t get invited to many things anymore like hangouts or dinners. The only invitation I have declined is frat parties because I’m not the partying type. Originally, Levi, Dave, Lola, and I were planning to move in together next Fall, while Ana was going to be a RA on campus. In December, Ana and Lola decided to get an apartment and not inform me or Levi, but she told Dave about it. After I eventually found out because her and Dave were talking about it in front of us, she assured me she wasnt picking sides and that it just worked out that way. I brushed it under the rug and moved on with a different plan.
I am now planning on living with Levi and our mutual friend Anthony. Lola hates Anthony’s guts because she thinks he is weird and was flirting with her because he followed her on Instagram. I talked to Anthony about this and asked if it was true, but he showed me that he never even followed her on Instagram nor has he messaged/talked to her not in a group setting with the rest of the friendgroup. Recently, I was on the phone with my Mom and it was on speaker discussing the house with Levi and I. Lola and Dave were in the same dorm as us, but they were in the other room. Upon this point, I didn’t tell my Mom about Lola and Ana living together because I didnt want her to think bad of them, but Levi let it slip that they were living together. I took the phone off of speaker to avoid my Mom saying anything hateful towards Ana or Lola and told her I’d talk to her later. After this, Lola was visibly upset and slamming things in the room, so Levi and I left. We came back into the dorm and Dave asked us if we had anything to say. I was confused and didn’t know what they were talking about. Then, Dave began yelling and accusing me of talking bad about Lola to my Mom on the phone, which I didnt do. Lola was clearly upset and crying, but I explained the confusion to them.
The next day, I described the situation to Ana since Lola had already told her and she understood my POV. I tried to talk to Dave and Lola, but they ignored Levi and I and said “if youre sticking to your story, then I’ll be cordial.”, despite me explaining what happened to them. They still have not talked to us and have avoided us. Am I in the wrong here?
lola and dave are basically punishing you for taking the phone off speaker, which is… a completely normal thing to do when your mom might say something awkward. the fact that they’re treating your reasonable boundary like a betrayal and then refusing to actually listen to your explanation is pretty telling of where this friendship is headed tbh.
It is also respectful to NOT have your phone on the speaker. It is a courtesy OP was doing.
For them to behave this way is just reinforcement that OP needs to keep moving forward with the move.
Lmaoo be glad you’re done with them. They are weirdos. You can talk about whatever you want with your mom or whoever on the phone. You don’t owe them any explanation or apologies for using your first amendment right to free speech. They need to grow up
Especially if you’re speaking the facts about.
OP might want to keep in mind that living with people is something that should be done carefully. Be nice to A but don’t think that you know him. Make sure that you have agreements about cleaning and buying household items, sharing food, privacy, etc.
I hope OP can find some good friends, and happiness.
So to recap, Anna and Lola threw you and Levi under the bus by changing the living arrangements without telling you and now Dave and Lola are upset because you took your private conversation with your mom off speaker? Just wow! The level of hypocrisy and childish behavior here is off the charts. You and Levi need to leave this group behind because you have outgrown them.
NTA. Lola and Dave are weird, and I think they just want to have drama of some kind. Would t be surprised if the thing with Anthony and Lola was her making more drama too.
Time to put some distance between you and them.
NTA
I think they’ve forgotten they aren’t in high school any more. lol
That’s all I could think reading this. It all sounds like some very exhausting high school drama.
NTA
This is all very childish. Just ignore it.
Also I seriously think you should reconsider signing a lease with your college sophomore boyfriend. That is disaster waiting to happen.
NTA. God, the drama
NTA.
I think Lola likes to cause drama. It’s the common denominator in all of these situations.
She and Ana changed the roommate plans.
She informed you that “she’s not picking sides” … between you and who? Ana? Is she implying that Ana doesn’t like you anymore?
She doesn’t like Anthony for some made up BS.
She got upset about overhearing a conversation ghat she wasn’t even a part of, started acting out and then obviously got her BF to defend her.
My advice is to continue not being rude to Lola but be happy that you won’t be living with her.
Keep reaching out to Ana and being her friend.
Enjoy your new drama free living situation next year.
I dont talk to anyone on speaker without telling them they’re actuslly on speaker and who is in the room then proceed to ask if they’re okay with it.
It’s perfectly reasonably not to talk to anyone on speaker phone and also to turn speaker off whenever you feel like doing so. NTA
NTA. For one she was in rge other room so if she knew you put the phone off speaker she was listening in.
Secondly she was the one to ditch you. Guilty mind much?
the fact that they’re treating you taking the phone off speaker like some kind of betrayal is honestly wild, like that’s literally the bare minimum of privacy and respect. lola and dave seem to be looking for a reason to be mad at you tbh, especially since they already excluded you from the apartment decision and then told dave first. sounds like they want you to apologize for something you didnt even do, which is a pretty exhausting dynamic to be stuck in