I mentioned to her mom during a conversation that she sold/sells her adderall for money. Her family is quite well off. Her mom asks her about a month later after the conversation if it was true, and she replied with "no comment." She texts me and starts blowing up on me, saying how she cant trust anybody in her life, and how her mom is calling the cops and kicking her out. (she was lying, i have no idea why she said this) Eventually we stop being friends and this is a big reason why. She was saying stuff you made me lose my only source of income, and how I’m unpredictable and trustworthy. I have made past mistakes that I have deeply regret, I don’t know if I should feel bad about this one or not. She struggles immensely with mental health, and I didn’t want to come off as me trying to save her from self destructing her life, I told her mom because this is a moral issue. I told the girl I don’t feel bad about saying something, I feel bad that it hurt her. I don’t know what to think. One hand I feel its not my place to step in, on the other hand selling drugs is morally wrong, and also its illegal. I have alot of guilt either way.
EDIT: The girl was 21 years old at this time, no job, and she wouldn’t ask her parents ever for money out of spite. (For a reason I can’t really get into.) She does not have her license, its not like she needs gas money or anything. I don’t really think there was anything really important that she just had to have that warranted selling drugs. (Either way, still wrong of course)
Nah, NTA.
you did the right thing and its probably for the best that you’re not friends with her now. she seems bound and determined to keep going on her downward spiral
Uh, it’s illegal? You should report illegal things. She was selling medicine meant to help with a condition that gets other people high for money she doesn’t really need. NTA
YTA. You’re intentionally creating drama when it’s none of your damn business. You knew this would hurt her and you did it so you could feel morally superior by looking down at someone else. You haven’t helped anyone.
NTA you’re preventing more people from getting addicted. And preventing her from wasting medication that some people actually need. She needed to be stopped. If she doesn’t want to use her parents’ money she can get a normal, legal job that doesn’t harm people like any other functioning adult.
NTA but you are a narc.
NTA
YTA. Why did you tell her mom? And it’s weird that you’re justifying your tattling by saying she doesn’t need the money. How is that relevant?
Yes, what she was doing is illegal. If you felt it was your moral duty to stop it, you should have called the police. But instead you tattled to her mommy? Who does that?!
I think you like creating drama.
Anyone with a fully developed prefrontal cortex knows that sometimes “tattling” quite literally saves lives. And the way I see it, she’s lucky she only called her mommy and didn’t get her thrown into jail instead.
YTA
Your friend is a fully grown adult who is capable of making their own decisions, bad or good, and other fully grown adults do not tell on them to their mommy. Mind your own business.
NTA. You followed your conscience and instinct and did the right thing. She chose to end the friendship over it. Not you.
YTA and jealous of your friend
Who is “she”? How is it you don’t identify at the beginning the relationship you have to this person and just dive into she this and she that? You tell us about her family’s wealth, her mom, what she accused you of, and what you did, all before we find out who the heck you’re talking about! Who writes like this?
NTA. There’s room to quibble about narcing/tattling, but outside of that context, gaslighting you in response is supposed to accomplish what other than making their position worse?
As others have said, you can’t force people to accept help without doing more harm than good.
The little nuance I’ll insert is: If you want to help someone, you have to commit. Half-assing it will just hurt everyone. Don’t go out of your way if you’re not going to go all the way. It’s ok to do what you can if you care about this person and the opportunity presents itself, but don’t make those opportunities yourself.
It’s also just as ok to stop caring about this person. There’s nothing wrong with being rationally self interested. You have to put your own oxygen mask first, and you have an entire lifetime of trouble to make decisions about.