I (F29) have been pushing my boyfriend (M35) to stop sending money to his ex (F36) for months now. my boyfriend and his ex got pregnant at 19 and decided to get married and have their child. the marriage consistent of his ex constantly lying and cheating on him from before the wedding until the separation. she never worked claiming she was too sick with excuses like lymes disease or other random illnesses that were never proven in a doctor’s office and she refused to allow my boyfriend access to info or appointments. she left the entire financial load on my boyfriend for their entire relationship and she would run out of town with random men leaving my boyfriend to raise their child alone. Now they are done and we are living together starting our future together and to this day she reaches out to him every week for money to support her lifestyle, her new boyfriend, and my boyfriends child. she and her boyfriend leave my boyfriends son home alone with no access to food or transportation for extended periods of time leaving the child to reach out to my boyfriends family to come and care for him providing him with food etc. while all of this is happening my boyfriend is still sending his entire paycheck to his ex every week to give his child a good life. the problem is his ex isn’t using the money to care for their child she is using it to support her and her new boyfriend while abandoning my boyfriends child. we are trying to start our life together and find a new place but I’ve been supporting us completely because he sends her all of his money. I asked him to cut her off until the courts finalize custody and support payments so we can work together to get a bigger place to better accommodate the three of us and he refuses because he wants him child to be taken care of. I completely support him caring for his child but she is taking his money to go off with her new boyfriend and my boyfriends family is ending up caring for his child at the end of the day regardless of if he sends her money. AITA for wanting him to stop sending her everything he makes when I’m supporting us and trying to get us a better situation for his child?
YTA your boyfriend needs to go to court and this all should be mandated through the court system. If they are endangering his child, then he should file for custody with evidence. It is his child! The court can go through the details to determine what is legally obligatory.
ESH if the child is in such a bad position then why isn’t your boyfriend stepping up to look after him?
So the child in question is now 16, and your boyfriend is only now getting around to getting court ordered maintenance and visitation?
Yta for dating a fool.
YTA.
Until the courts rule that some other option is what’s best for the child, he should send money for his care.
If it’s *that* bad, your boyfriend should push things to move more quickly. Not withdraw the support.
Yes. You’re an asshole. One that doesn’t understand paragraphs at that. May you never have a child of your own.
YTA. You talk about his son like he is a small child instead of him being nearly an adult(16-17). The way you speak about him really shows how you actually feel.
Are you saying that he gives ALL his paycheck, but does not contribute to rent or groceries ??? Is he living completly for free or is he contributing too ?
YTA the “child” is 16. The amount being sent for child support isn’t specified. Is boyfriend sending $2000 a week or $100? We have no context. And you deciding what he should do and that you will “parent” a 16 year old and make decisions for both he and his father when the father has made no legal commitment to you? And you don’t have a place large enough for his son to move in with you? Honey- the son will age out of this before it gets legally solved. You are way overstepping here
INFO…why get involved with this guy at all?
Why are you dating someone who doesn’t have their shit together, like at all? The kid is 16, what is even the point of doing custody now? ESH
ESH. You don’t sound like a relatable narrator. Nobody sends their “full paycheck” as child support, probably you are either exaggerating or he is lying to you about amount of money he sends. Since his ex has a primary custody of their child, your bf has to pay child support. If this is official arrangement, he can’t just stop sending it because he has a new gf. If you/him are not happy with current situation, you need to legally change it.
The ‘child’ has to be 15 or 16. Not exactly in danger if left alone for the weekend, and I am sure he is capable of feeding himself.
Gf just begrudge the time and money. If she cared about the ‘child’, she would be encouraging the dad to go for custody, but she doesn’t want that, i bet.
If you don’t want to send money to support the kid don’t be with a man with a kid YTA